Dec 31 2011

Anti-Caturday post

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Review the unpleasant nature of the cat’s penis. Now contemplate this: “12 feet long and highly mobile” and “gigantic testes that weigh a ton”.

Although, I do confess, when a pod of these big boys go into rut in your back yard, you’ll probably get even less sleep than when the neighborhood cats are in heat.

(Also on Sb)

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21 comments

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1

Kevin Anthoney

31 December 2011 at 8:49 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

And you can’t even get rid of ‘em with a bucket of water.
2

Markita Lynda, happy Winter Solstice, everyone!

31 December 2011 at 8:54 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Aren’t sperm whales a sperm competitor–gallons of ejaculate to wash out the previous suitor’s? This sounds like it might be a similar strategy!
3

Glen Davidson

31 December 2011 at 9:42 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Now that’s a trouser snake, twelve feet and wriggling about.

What it takes to make her happy, apparently.

Glen Davidson
4

faehnrich

31 December 2011 at 9:43 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Cat’s are stupid anyway.
5

daveau

31 December 2011 at 9:58 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

@#4-

At least my cats know how to use apostrophes correctly.
6

Rey Fox

31 December 2011 at 10:48 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

People sure took leave of their rationality when naming whale species. Sperm whale – named after the gunk found in its head which looks kinda like spooge. That makes perfect sense and no way will anyone ever giggle about that! Right whales…as opposed to left whales? Wrong whales? I guess they were named by the first guy who saw one who said “Cor, that’s a right bloo’y whale, innit?”
7

Rey Fox

31 December 2011 at 10:53 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

In the course of Wikipediing right whales, I came across an even dumber name: the Right Whale Dolphin. I have renewed respect for ornithologists, who while a bit daffy at times, would have never named a species after the species next to it. “That magpie’s got a yellow bill, we’ll call it the Yellow-Billed Magpie.” “How about the little brown jobby over there?” “The Yellow-Billed Magpie Sparrow. Beer time now.”
8

Glen Davidson

31 December 2011 at 11:09 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

The claim is that the Right Whale was the “right whale to harpoon,” vs. the “wrong whale to harpoon.” It floated when dead, which was considerably better than the “wrong whales” that sunk when dead, thus depriving them of any return for their efforts.

Moot point once they figured out how to keep any whale from sinking from sight, but the Right Whale was already named by then. Again, so the claim goes.

Glen Davidson
9

Glen Davidson

31 December 2011 at 11:09 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Sank, not sunk, for pedantry’s sake
10

jimharrison

31 December 2011 at 11:11 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

In Shakespeare’s day a prick was called a yard. Right whales, apparently, have four yards.
11

faehnrich

31 December 2011 at 11:23 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

@5
Ha! Thank Jeebus my wife the magazine editor didn’t see that.

stupid autocorrect
12

Glen Davidson

31 December 2011 at 12:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Although, I do confess, when a pod of these big boys go into rut in your back yard, you’ll probably get even less sleep than when the neighborhood cats are in heat.

But I’ll have a whole lot more meat when I quiet them for good.

Glen Davidson
13

DLC

31 December 2011 at 1:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Back in the day, National Geographic (yes, we got Nat Geo. . . for the articles, why else? ) had an issue with a flexible vinyl record of whale songs. it was so cool I played it at max volume.
14

marcus

31 December 2011 at 2:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Sure it’s all just fun and games having a 12 foot-long prehensile penis until someone gets an eye poked out! (Then it’s fucking hilarious!)
15

chigau (難しい)

31 December 2011 at 2:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

DLC
re NatGeo whalesong record
Yes! Me, too.
16

dorght

31 December 2011 at 3:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

You want hilarious, read Christopher Moore’s ‘Fluke, or I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings’. There is a description of the mating process in that book that will have you in tears from laughing so hard.
17

Rich Woods

31 December 2011 at 5:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Q. How do you make your penis appear to be six feet long?

A. Fold it in half.
18

martinbadke

31 December 2011 at 6:46 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

I was struck by how the motion of the penis was like the motion of a leech. Not surprising really since it is soft tissue which needs to search its environment by texture and chemotaxis. (I am assuming there is no penis bone but could be corrected if others know that point of fact.)
19

Part-Time Insomniac, Zombie Porcupine Nox Arcana Fan

31 December 2011 at 7:16 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Sex underwater: best left to whales and other water-dwelling species.
20

mythusmage

31 December 2011 at 8:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Imagine a male hamster enlarged to the size of a blue whale, then consider the size of the testicals.

Only a ton? Pitiful.
21

Shiroferetto

1 January 2012 at 4:59 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment

Somehow, I am NOT turned on by a 12-foot-long prehensile penis…

I can’t think why.