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May 16 2014

Jesus disrupts Operation American Spring

BREAKING NEWS WASHINGTON, DC Tens of millions of American patriots advanced on the nation’s capital today with the goal of overthrowing the current regime and installing an overtly Christian conservative government, by force if necessary. The intended overthrow was disrupted, however, when the Lord Jesus Christ Himself appeared in the skies over Washington and Raptured away all but a few of the protesters, in accordance with the prophecies of I Thessalonians 4:15-17, before any TV news crews could capture the awesome spectacle. The remaining protesters, apparently insufficiently pleasing to God, have vowed to dedicate themselves to becoming even more irrational and intolerant, in hopes of weaning their way back into God’s good graces.  Further bulletins as events warrant.

(I mean, that HAS to be it, right?)

7 comments

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  1. 1
    blf

    Nah, FEMA just has Very Big black helicopters and is exceptionally efficient…

  2. 2
    Naked Bunny with a Whip

    I’m sure they’d have reached their attendance goal if hashtags hadn’t destroyed activism. Yup.

  3. 3
    busterggi

    You can’t expect real Amurkin patriots to march in the rain and its not as if they could have carried unbrella – that would make them look so gay.

  4. 4
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Oh, this is simply the best explanation I’ve seen so far. I think you win teh intarnetz.

  5. 5
    hexidecima

    I was at the atheist gathering a few years ago and it rained harder and for longer. I had no umbrella and I’m a *girl*.

    Poor things. I guess they couldn’t figure out the Metro system?

  6. 6
    Trebuchet

    Obama used HAARP to make it rain. And the teabaggers are so sweet they would melt.

  7. 7
    richardelguru

    “Raptured away all but a few of the protesters”

    Nice theory, but I believe that the Truly Raptured™ always leave their shoes behind.

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