I guess I can’t deny it: I’ve hit the wall again. I’ve come to dread the thought of writing another blog article, even if it’s only once per week. It’s time for a hiatus.
I’ve had this sort of experience before, and it generally resolves on its own after a while. Basically, what I’m going to do at this point is blog only when I feel like blogging. Given the current state of my feelings, that’s likely to be fairly rare, at least in the near term. But an explicit lack of commitment is part of what gives me room to regenerate. So with apologies to my readers and the FtB blog network, I’m hitting the “on hold” button, at least for now.For anyone who’s wondering why and what’s up, I can give a couple reasons. One is my day job. We have a new boss who is very progressive and who openly encourages us to fix what’s broken in our current system instead of just working around things for the sake of backwards compatibility. That’s unbelievably awesome, and it’s soaking up about 12-14 hours of my work day (enthusiastically given). By the time the weekend hits, I’ve got about enough mental reserves left to just about tolerate levelling up my fishing skills in Warcraft. That’s probably going to be status quo for at least the next 10 months, but perhaps the stress level will go down sooner than that.
The other factor is that finally, after some 40 years, I think I’m really and truly over Jesus. It was just about 40 years ago that I personally encountered Jesus—or at least, the idea of Jesus—and I believed it. I gave my life to it. But it never really worked. I developed my own personal set of rationalizations and workarounds, as all believers do, but my belief system was designed in such a way that it couldn’t really function without actual divine power behind it. In the absence of any deity to keep it running, it finally collapsed a little over 12 years ago.
I was not yet over Jesus, though. Following my deconversion, Jesus still dominated my life, my thoughts, and my feelings. He had merely become my target instead of my lord. I started blogging in part out of a desire to tear down the deception that had caused me so much frustration and grief over the years, both as a believer and as an unbeliever. But I also started blogging in order to engage some of the best apologetic arguments that were out there, to see if there was somehow some evidence or argument I had overlooked. I was (and still am) open to any evidence of God that doesn’t boil down to merely placing a gullible trust in the words and feelings of men.
The recent series on presuppositional apologetics, over at Evangelical Realism, has been a kind of last straw, as it were. I’m sure there are apologetic arguments out there that I still have not heard, but if they were better than the ones I have heard, they’d have displaced the shoddier arguments by now. And they haven’t. I’ve looked at the subjectivist arguments and the philosophical arguments and the pseudo-scientific arguments and the mystical arguments and many more. I’ve had a taste of about every flavor of apologetic there is. And they’re uniformly the same. Sincere men and women, committed to an idea, and willing to adopt any idea or illogic necessary to reassure themselves that they are right, regardless of internal and external inconsistencies in their beliefs.
And with that, I’ve reached the stage where Jesus is just “been there, done that.” Blogging has become a chore because my core topic was picking apart the arguments for God, and I’ve run out of arguments that aren’t reruns. Indeed, a bunch of it doesn’t have any substance to pick apart, like Pastor Feinstein’s vapid crowing about how atheism was utterly demolished just because he had made some bizarre and self-contradictory assumptions. If it gets that monotonous to write, I can’t imagine how boring it must be to read.
So I need a new core, and I don’t know how long it will take me to find one. But bear with me; I should be back before too much longer. Thanks for reading, and y’all take care.