As the election draws nearer, reporters are fanning out trying to root out that very rare species, the undecided voter. I find it hard to imagine how anyone can be an undecided voter at this point. Elections with an incumbent running are usually a referendum on that person’s performance and Trump has been such an intensely divisive and polarizing figure that this time it will be even more so. I find it hard to imagine that any sentient being could not have formed an opinion of whether to vote for him or not. But yet there are people claiming to be so and the media is drawn to them as flies to honey.
This Onion article sums it up.
CANTON, OH—In an effort to conceal himself from sight, local undecided voter Jeff McNealy reportedly crouched inside a concrete drain pipe Thursday and remained completely silent as he waited for a convoy of political analysts and reporters to pass by on the road above. “I’m just praying that swarm of election correspondents doesn’t check down here, put a microphone in my face, and ask which way I’m leaning,” McNealy whispered as he crawled through the dark, wet tunnel in hopes of losing the pundits who have tirelessly staked out every swing-state diner, park, and farmers market in the nation as they attempt to gauge the mood of voters still on the fence in the presidential race. “I think I threw them off my trail, but you never know. One false move and I’m in for hours of unrelenting interrogation about whether the pandemic, the economy, or court appointments will be weighing most heavily upon my mind when I head to the polls in November. I’d best follow this sewer pipe as far as it goes and hope I can survive down here until Election Day.” At press time, sources confirmed a TV news chopper was combing the area with a searchlight following reports that an Obama-to-Trump voter had been spotted.
On NPR on Sunday, the host interviewed three people who claimed that they were still undecided. One of them said that he doesn’t like the things that Trump says and does but that abortion is the most important issue for him.
“Yeah. I would say for me, the chief issue really is about abortion, and everything else would kind of fall under that. So, like, the economy, how we ought to, like, fund different institutions – those are all second-order issues for me. And so the question in my mind with respect to Biden is, does voting for Biden – is it justified because Trump is, like, more of an existential threat to the country?”
Got that? It seems clear to me that he was going to vote for Trump because of the abortion issue despite thinking of him as an existential threat to the nation. An existential threat!
I suspect that ‘undecided’ people like him are going to vote for Trump but are trying to deflect the suggestion that they fully endorse him and his hateful rhetoric and actions.
If that dumb fuck knows what “existential threat” means I’ll eat my shoes. I’d eat the socks if I thought he could spell it. It’s something he heard once that he thought sounded clever.
And he’s allowed to vote.
Trump voters I know (relatives, acquaintances, etc.) will say the same crap when prompted. Sometimes it’s put in the form of a question like that, but it’s not because they actually have a question nor is it because they’re contestants on Jeopardy!
It’s like they’re taking a 100-level intro to political philosophy course and struggling to think some very deep thoughts, but they’re taking it in middle school, so they probably shouldn’t be up so late at night or consuming all of those drugs. They are 67 years old, after all, so it may be extremely hazardous to their health.
Medical attention would be more appropriate unless we’re talking about people waking up out of a four year coma, in which case they’re probably getting the care they need already.
It’s all that second hand smoke coming from table where they’re debating the relative merits of Camus and Sartre.
HE will never have to decide whether to have an abortion or not, yet that is the most important issue for him. HE thinks MEN should be able to decide what WOMEN do with their own bodies. FUCK HIM.
You got me for a moment. I thought that the NPR report was the continuation of the Onion article. Now I want to crawl back in my bed.
I’ve been trying to convince various media outlets that I’m an undecided transsexual lesbian-feminist voter.
It’s not been going so well.
I heard that NPR report last Saturday too and immediately thought of this: