1. cartomancer says

    There was once a man who really adored agricultural machinery and large industrial haulers. His enthusiasm waned over the years, however, until eventually he stopped going to conventions, buying magazines and keeping up with the latest innovations in farmyard vehicle technology. He was much in demand, however, for his uncanny ability to remove smoke and particulates from the atmosphere.

    He was, after all, an ex-tractor fan.

  2. grasshopper says

    LOL @1
    There was once a man very scared of going to the dentist and getting an injection. His guru told him, “Don’t worry. You don’t need a needle. While you are in the dentist’s chair, just repeat your mantra over and over. That is the way to transcend dental medication.”

  3. Mobius says

    Oops. Meant to post that on a different thread, one that dealt with curling. Oh well, guess this will do.

  4. Mobius says

    Oh, BTW, it took me a minute or two to get the pun on this one.

    Speaking of puns…

    Q: Why do they call a group of crows a murder?

    A: They have probable caws.

  5. says

    Then I bet you like excruciating Tom-Swifties:
    “So that’s how I won the election by the barest margin“, Tom recounted
    “I refuse to stay in this seminary and take my vows!” Tom expostulated.
    “Take the prisoner downstairs,” Tom said condecendingly.
    And, of course, “I’m coming!” Tom ejaculated.
    “O gee!” Tom said archly.
    Or what about a para-Tom-Swiftie:
    “We are really in the toilet now!” said Tom loosely, as he pulled his ear and his face flushed.

  6. says

    Back in the early days of the Communist Revolution, Rudolf Slansky was visiting his old friends Natasha and Yuri Opunikov. One November night, Yuri looked out the window and opined that it was going to snow soon. Slansky took a peek and disagreed, saying at most it would be a light shower.
    This minor disagreement slowly built into a full-fledged argument with raised voices and flushed faces. Yuri turned to Natasha and asked her to finally settle things once and for all.
    Natasha didn’t want to further anger her husband, but also wanted their guest to feel welcome in their home. So looking Yuri in the eye, she said, “Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear.”

  7. grasshopper says

    Two families, both with a son named Ray, bought a cattle farm for both the boys to manage. They called the farm “Focus” because it is where the sons Rays meet.

    A further refinement goes “After the parents died, the ranch became where the mourning sons raise meat.”
    And “After all of the sons had died, the ranch became where the late mourning sons raise meat.”

    Speaking of rain, dear, did you know that after caribou eat too much mousse, they take Elk-a-Seltzer.
    A triple-language pun (or more of a dad-joke): “Eggs are the same the whole oeuf ova.”

  8. says

    There is a song by the dirty Australian Country and Western singer Jenny Talia, about a character called “Says-a-me Steve” who drives the minibus when the inmates of the local mental home are taken on an excursion. The bus passengers include a pair of overweight Irishmen, “Special” Ross with his cheap glasses held together with Elastoplast and Lester “Cheese”, who eats his own toenails. The verses and chorus are just an elaborate set-uo for the final punchline, which is “Two obese Paddies, Special Ross, Lester Cheese, licking bunions on a Says-a-Me Steve Bus” …..

  9. grasshopper says

    Thanks bluerizlagirl! Your post reminded me of the following
    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him “a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. “

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *