Welcome to Florida! But please don’t get eaten

When he was the weekly humor columnist for the Miami Herald, Dave Barry found the area’s weirdness a fertile source of material, writing about the venomous snakes and other wildlife that he would find in his backyard. One can only imagine what he would have done with the reccent news that three human-eating crocodiles that are native to the Nile river in Egypt have now been found in that state.

The Nile roots of these animals were confirmed by DNA tests and do not match the ones found in zoos.. Unlike the ones that are native to Florida, this species also preys on humans in addition to shrimp, fish, insects, birds and larger mammals and can grow up to six meters in length. The discovery of three suggests that many more exist in the wild. This is in addition to the Burmese pythons that have now become an established population and are estimated to number about 30,000. These pythons are wreaking havoc with the native wildlife.

How these foreign species entered Florida in the first place is unclear. Speculation is that unlicensed dealers brought them in secretly and then they were accidentally or deliberately released into the wild.

Florida has long been the place that elderly retirees from the north who can afford it move to because of the warm weather. I am not sure how much this news will deter future retirees.


  1. lorn says

    I live in Florida, and yes, it’s a jungle out there: Alligators (a neighbor had a hand torn off working on a lily pond) , snakes (fortunately about 85% non-venomous), mosquitoes, roaches as big as your thumb ( They fly and like dark holes, like the mouths of people sleeping), armadillos (with leprosy), and then there are the unwashed and scurvy human residents …


    And just when you think you have a handle on all the strangeness it turn out that nature doesn’t work the same way down here:


    Y’all yankees might want to say up north where things are safe and sane.

  2. moarscienceplz says

    I agree with busterggi. These crocs are obviously ISIS terrorists trying to destroy our ‘murrican Way Of Life!!!11!!!1!!!!
    Donald Trump needs to make sure his wall extends all the way around the Florida coast! And for good measure, all the way along the Mason-Dixon line, too!

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    Nemmind the Nile crocodiles, watch out for the humans: George Zimmerman! Rick Scott! Debbie Wasserman Schultz! Jeb! Bush! Jacksonville cops! Miami cops! Miami drivers! Sheriff Grady Judd! …

    I am not sure how much this news will deter future retirees.

    A modest proposal: anyone considering a move to Florida must first read Carl Hiaasen’s Tourist Season and any title of their choice by Tim Dorsey. If they still want to come down here -- welcome! You just might be crazy enough to cope!

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