Is there anything Ben Carson cannot do?

Is there anything that Ben Carson cannot do? He has already told us of some of his exploits, how he confronted a gunman at a Popeyes restaurant and his attempt to stab a friend (or maybe it was a relative) in his wild youth, though some of his peers from those days seem to recall that he was the same kind of nerdy person then that he is now.

But no matter. Those of us who thought that he was exaggerating his tales of derring-do were mistaken. He is actually modest because he did not tell us about some of his other feats. Thankfully his wife Candy Carson has published her own autobiography in addition to the three biographies we have of him because clearly that is no limit to how much they think the public wants to learn about the Carson family.

In her story, she recounts how he single-handedly foiled a car jacking.

She recounted the story on Fox and Friends on Tuesday, while also sharing another story from the book in which the Republican presidential candidate singlehandedly stopped a carjacking while at a gas station.

“When he came out, he noticed that the car was starting to drive off,” she told the hosts. ” So he chased it, and you know, caught up, and when the guys, they got out of the car, they put it in park. They said ‘Wait a minute, are you that doctor?’ They were shaking hands, taking pictures.”

Carson seems like Superman. Apart from his quick thinking and courage, he also seems to be a fast runner to catch up with car thieves and be able to stop it after he caught it. Kind of like Superman who was faster than a speeding bullet and able to stop a locomotive. But could Superman also do brain surgery? I think not, so clearly Carson is superior.

She also said that their youngest child arrived unexpectedly and Carson helped deliver it at home.

Candy Carson said in her newly-released autobiography that not only was the couple’s youngest son a surprise birth inside their home, but that the former Johns Hopkins neurosurgeon reached her just before the boy was born and caught him in one hand while catching the afterbirth in the other.

After delivering the child, she wrote, she “ran up and down stairs” searching around the home for something he could use to clip the placenta off.

“Ben was calling out potential solutions, suggesting clothespins and other items— but I knew there weren’t any clothespins in the house, because we had a clothes dryer even back then,” she recalled. “Suddenly, rummaging through a drawer, I found a roller clip, the kind that is shaped like a bobby pin, only with straight shafts. I ran back up the stairs to where Ben had the baby, and he clipped off the umbilical, gave a sigh of relief, and must have cleaned the baby up.”

Who knows what other tales of valor and ingenuity are still to emerge about our hero? I can’t wait.


  1. lorn says

    Given that he always looks like he just snuffed out a huge joint, and just might fall asleep on his feet, it seems reasonable that he would be calm under pressure. Every day life just isn’t exciting enough to keep his eyes open.

    Is there anything he can’t do? How about: producing a simple declarative sentence, demonstrating a coherent thought process, stay on topic, stick to reality.

  2. says

    OK, who can photoshop for us a picture of Ben Carson with a baby in one hand and a placenta in the other (and the umbilical cord connecting the two)?

  3. moarscienceplz says

    Mister Trouble never hangs around
    When he hears this Mighty sound.

    “Here I come to save the day”

    That means that Mighty Mouse is on his way.
    Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right
    Mighty Mouse will join the fight.
    On the sea or on the land,
    He gets the situation well in hand.

  4. DonDueed says

    Ben Carson: America’s Kim Jong Il.

    I hear he bowled 400 once. Right after he beat up Chuck Norris.

  5. sonofrojblake says

    Is there anything that Ben Carson cannot do?

    Win the Republican nomination for Presidential candidate.

    Next question.

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