More fun with JP Morgan Twitter fiasco

Matt Taibbi has been one of the biggest scourges of the megabanks, relentlessly cataloging their criminality (he memorably described Goldman Sachs as “a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money”). He was incredulous that anyone at JP Morgan Chase thought it was a good idea to invite the general public using the hashtag #askJPM to ask them for career advice on a public forum like Twitter.

I almost couldn’t believe it when I heard that JP Morgan Chase was going to do a live Twitter Q&A with the public – you know, all those people around the world they’ve been bending over and robbing for, oh, the last decade or so.

Chase execs probably thought they were going to be inundated with questions, like, “What steps can I take to try to become as totally awesome as all of you?”

Only on Wall Street would a bank that’s about to pay out the biggest settlement in the history of settlements unironically engage the public, expecting ordinary people to sincerely ask one of their top-decision makers for career advice.

Chase trotted out Vice Chairman Jimmy Lee to be pushed into the social media buzz-saw. Lee was an excellent choice for this role. As one of the world’s leading Leveraged Buyout (LBO) pioneers, Lee is a human bridge symbolically connecting two different and equally loathsome eras in Wall Street iniquity – the Gordon Gekko/LBO Eighties and Nineties, and the price-rigging, bubble-making, steal-everything-not-nailed-down era covering the Wall Street of today. From the public’s perspective, Lee basically represents the banker who foreclosed on your house and the guy who liquidated your factory in a deal financed by junk bonds, all in one.

Actor Stacey Keach gives a dramatic reading of some of the better tweets.


  1. Rob Grigjanis says

    Snarkpocalypse! Sadly, also pearls before swine. But effin brilliant anyway. One more reason to like Stacy Keach.

  2. wtfwhateverd00d says

    I think there is an opportunity here for Al Qaeda to improve its public image. I guess its good they don’t want to take it.

  3. keresthanatos says

    Every time a banker dies, the world becomes a better place. I wish everyone would strive to make the world a better place.

  4. Mano Singham says

    Actually my father was a banker all his life back in Sri Lanka. But that was in the days when banking was considered a safe and boring job, where people deposited money for safekeeping and to get interest, and banks loaned that money out with solid collateral safeguards. It was a far a cry from the casinos that banks have become in the US today. He would be shocked at what happens now.

  5. wtfwhateverd00d says

    I “prefer” the romantic view of banking that comes from Mary Poppins.

    You see, Michael, you’ll be part of
    Railways through Africa
    Dams across the Nile
    Fleets of ocean greyhounds
    Majestic, self-amortizing canals
    Plantations of ripening tea

    All from tuppence, prudently
    Fruitfully, frugally invested
    In the, to be specific,
    In the Dawes, Tomes
    Mousely, Grubbs
    Fidelity Fiduciary Bank!

    It’s a very romantic view that certainly elides a ton of Western Imperialism and a shitload of wars and death. But come on, “Railways through Africa”, “Fleets of ocean greyhounds” doesn’t that make banking sound awesome?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *