I have a codependency problem, it affects basically everything. This is when one person excessively relies on others emotionally or in other ways and the other person enables it. My separation from my wife for example is like a weight on everything, even blog posting. My therapist introduced me to a codependency anonymous group. This is of course a 12-step group and as an atheist the whole higher power thing is kind of complicated. I have a solution to that that I’ve considered my whole life though.
My higher power is society itself. We are social primates and while we should be individually strong we are meant to do things together as well and so there are whole extra brain systems involved in social behavior. We evolved to do things as a group and so there are advantages to having a group when facing individual problems.
Additionally, this is a very interesting 12-step group because of the codependency angle. It’s about problematic relationships with individuals and groups. They have an interesting angle where they “take what you want and leave the rest” according to some discussion I’ve found. So you don’t have to accept all the steps, and the whole dependency on a higher power is a bit undermined by the unique issue this group is dealing with, codependency. I don’t have to accept that I’m helpless on my own for example, I can accept that the group is a unique benefit when trying to solve my problems.
In the end, what I’m looking for is to be able to recognize the patterns in codependency, if I can do that, this group will serve my purpose. That it’s a 12-step group doesn’t have to get in the way and maybe I’ll even find something useful here. They know the things and I want to learn about the things. Still society can be awful so I should be cautious. What do you think?
The day I go to a 12-step is the day I’ve lost my marbles, is what I think.
“My higher power is society itself.”
I reckon that’s nonsense; a clear category error.
Religious thinking.
Might as well claim the environment is a higher power.
And we are not *meant* to do anything, that’s plain old teleology.
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But hey, if that’s what you personally need, go for it.
Well it’s the best thing I’ve got that fits in with the program.
It works for me since someone out there in society is going to be more capable than me on one thing or another, more powerful in a doing work sense in other words. It’s not that I’m power less or I’m not of value, I’m just recognizing amongst the mass other than me, there’s quite a bit of useful, higher, power. I don’t see how calling it a higher power makes it religious otherwise. It’s not supernatural, beings or otherwise. *Shrugs*
And there’s no local secular codependency groups unfortunately.
Hey, I’m glad you’re finding it helpful. Really.
I personally never liked those groups much, I think because a lot of my problems come from other people. So dealing with more people doesn’t seem useful to me
That said, this sort of healing is a complex situation and different approaches are going to work for different people. So if it works for you then that’s good. The point is fundamentally to get better
John, stop being a dickhead
[meta]
A bit unkind of you, dangerousbeans.
Brony and I have exchanged comments for well over a decade now, longer than you and I.
He knows me pretty well, I reckon.
So.
Me: if that’s what you personally need, go for it.
You: So if it works for you then that’s good.
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Specifically, the diff is that Brony ended up with “What do you think?” so that I literally opened up with what I think.
If being honest and truthful and direct to someone who is very familiar with my comments constitutes being a dickhead, then you are basically telling me to stop being honest and truthful and direct to someone who is very familiar with my comments.
(Do you even get that? A weak attempted diss, falls back on you)
To be fair, his response was a predictable one. Not because it’s John, but because it was likely someone would see it as just as religious as any other application of higher power.
I didn’t see a problem with your reply John. It seemed like a possible reply to my position.
I’m not finding it helpful yet, I haven’t even gone to any of them yet. I’m just getting ready to and thought there was some interesting patterns to talk about.
My therapist suggested I make myself the higher power. I couldn’t quite go that far.
@Brony, i’m glad you’re not bothered and I’ll refrain from commenting on John here in the future
It’s helpful in itself that you see a path. If you have to LARP the higher power stuff and justify it sufficiently well (as you probably have done here) so you get the actual human interaction and community support, that’s fine.
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‘John, stop being a dickhead’ is what you wrote to me, dangerousbeans.
You also wrote “I personally never liked those groups much” whereas I wrote “The day I go to a 12-step is the day I’ve lost my marbles, is what I think.”
We’ve both said basically the very same thing, only expressed differently.
Yet, I’m a dickhead.
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[addendum, personal]
I 100% genuinely think we both cavilled a bit about the thing, and the conforming to the “higher power”, so we were two independent sources.
Parallax, for Brony.
Back in the day, I batted no eyelid because of his eponym or neurodivergence.
Nor do I about your gender status.
None of that is the person.
Person ≠ persona.
(I honestly don’t get your antipathy towards me; I feel I tolerate more than I am tolerated, but I suppose that’s par for the course)