# The important question of our time has been answered!

What is the average size of a human penis?

The enduring question now has a scientific answer: 13.12 centimetres (5.16 inches) in length when erect, and 11.66cm (4.6 inches) around, according to an analysis of more than 15,000 penises around the world.

In a flaccid state, it found, the penis of the average man is 9.16cm (3.6 inches) in length and has a girth of 9.31cm (3.7 inches).

I shall sleep easier tonight, knowing that knowledge has been acquired.

# Looking forward to this remake…

Turn the volume down before clicking play. Ease into it, especially if you’re over 50 40 30 years old.

# Spiderman at the intersection of physics and biology

We’ve all noticed that, in the Spiderman movies, the hero ejaculates tremendous amounts of protein constantly to make those spider threads he’s swinging on and splattering all over the bad guys. Part of that is plausible; spider silk is amazingly strong stuff, and if you could produce it, sure, thin strands would support your weight. The problem is the volume. Mark Lorch calculates how much protein Spiderman would have to consume to make the thread for one scene in the movie.

# Also, you probably can’t masturbate when your hand is on fire

Sorry, this almost made me choke while I was proctoring an exam. Bad twitter. Don’t distract me with funny images while I’m reading.

Well, what if God is helping?

# Now I want to do experiments on babies

I had three kids and I never noticed this phenomenon, but now I want to drive babies through tunnels.

# Goofy numerologist

In the 1920s, we did. Here’s the map.

# Them kids just ain’t right

Jaden and Willow Smith, the alien space children of Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith, have been interviewed by the New York Times. It is a phantasmagorical journey into the minds of two people who have never had to deal with reality, and spend all their time dwelling on shallow deepities. They croon about quantum physics, and how time doesn’t actually exist, because I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and they dismiss other people’s books because There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing. I kept reading to get to the part where their narcissism balloons to enormous size, and then gets sucked into their navels, and they disappear in a burst of solipsism, but it never happened, sadly.