In which I master German

So I found my way to a Bäckerei — not hard, they’re everywhere — and discovered that my server had not a word of English, and my German is decidedly rusty to the point of crumbling. I know some nouns, at least, and I quickly discovered that I could manage with just two words.

“Frühstuck!” I said.

She started rattling off a list of words that included “-brot” and “-fleisch” and “-käse” and a lot of other utterly unrecognizable phrases.

I simply said, “Ja” to each. It was easy.

Thus I ended up with a platter of meat and cheese, and a basket of assorted bread, and a cup of strong dark coffee, und Ich beginnen mit the gut fressen. And it was real bread, with texture and flavor and a wonderful flaky crust, Gott sei dank. Ausgezeichnet!

I may not be able to leave this country, at this rate. Just the thought of the pale bland gooey Minnesota version of “bread” fills me with revulsion.

Yay! I made it to Germany!

It was not an easy accomplishment — I’d spent a day waiting in the Minnesota heat before I could board my plane, and I was a burnt out frazzled mess by the time I got wedged into my slot in the flying tin can, and then I spent most of the flight in a sweating, mildly nauseated lump. This was not a good start to the trip. But now I’m in my hotel in Köln, I forked over the exorbitant fee for the internet (which isn’t very reliable), and took a shower…a long hot shower. I’m feeling pretty good now.

At some point, I shall have to emerge from my restful nest and forage. Germans have beer and food, right?

#INR2 … done

Whew. Good meeting. You should have been here — it ended with a major bang with Seth Andrews blowing us away with some gorgeous video (Sagan!), Maryam Namazie wringing us out with her passionate opposition to the injustice of Islam, and Lawrence Krauss telling us how exciting it was to be insignificant residents of a universe that arose from nothing and is hurtling towards nothing. Now I’m exhausted, but I’m staying here in Kamloops for one more night, with beer to dispose of (I’m like Jesus, only instead of loaves and fishes, beer magically manifests itself in my hands every time I turn around. Which makes me greater than Jesus.)

I think we’ll be having an evening of the remnants of the Imagine No Religion 2 crew and speakers and attendees chattering happily over alcohol. Look me up if you’re still around.

Thank you, Jesus!

My grades are all in, and I can consider the semester done, done, done. Then what do I discover in my mailbox, to the envy of the staff there, but this lovely sight:

All I know is that the return address is to Jesus in California. Could it be…? Nah.

Praise Jesus, anyway!

Panic setting in

Aaargh, grades are due tonight! And I’m about to sink into hours and hours worth of administrative meetings! And then I looked at my flight schedules, and realized…I’m flying away on Friday to begin a nonstop round of travel and talks to Canada, Germany, and Iceland, and won’t be back home until 4 June!

MADNESS!

RAVING FIERY MADNESS!!

OK, taking deep breaths. Focusing. Engaging discipline. Must finish grading. Must complete paperwork.

Don’t bother me for a while, gang. Warning to trolls: cyberpistol set to disintegrate.

My day in Flagstaff

I flit out to Flagstaff today to participate in a BBC documentary. It’s part of a series with an interesting approach: they take True Believers on a road trip to confront them with evidence against their obsessions. Some of you Brits out there might have seen an earlier episode, the 9/11 Conspiracy Road Trip, in which 5 9/11 Truthers were taken on a bus tour of relevant sites in the United States. It apparently got good reviews (except from 9/11 Truthers themselves). You can watch the whole program yourself!

There will be some new episodes of the show coming out. The one I participated in today was a group of 5 believers in aliens and UFOs who are on a grand bus tour of the Southwest — they’d talked to SETI people in LA, a NASA scientist at Meteor Crater, a biologist who tried to set them straight on evolution and aliens, and they’re on their way to, of course, Area 51.

All I had to do was have a conversation with these 5 believers in alien abductions. It was…interesting. They were all very nice people, but they ranged in rationality from people who’d experienced unexplained events and were trying to figure out what happened, to a real loon who was utterly convinced that Jews were alien hybrids, reptoids had hybridized with humans, and the stone blocks of the pyramids had been cut with lasers. We argued for an hour or two, all of it was recorded, and I’m sure it will all be cut to the 5 juiciest minutes for the final show.

Keep an eye open for it next year all you British-type people, and let me know how it turns out.

The end is in sight!

This afternoon, I give the last final exam of the semester. There are still term papers trickling in, but I expect to have all my grading done by Friday. Hurrah. So when does my vacation start?

So I think I get a weekend at home sometime in June. A “vacation” is when you just get to stay home, right?

Almost there

I gave my last lecture to my cancer class. Tomorrow is the last day of my introductory biology class, which will consist of a mini-lecture on one last concept, returning exams and reviewing them, and the student evaluation of the class, which I don’t participate in. Easy.

I sit now in the wreckage of my office, papers piled around me, with more papers coming in imminently, and face the next challenge: grading like a madman. My pocket bristles with red pens. The first stack is to my right: I go to hide in some quiet place and slash and tear. Do not disturb me while the bloodlust is high and the aggravation puts me on the threshold of berserkerdom.

(Ah, they were a pretty good bunch of students this semester. I’ll try not to be too savage.)