That’s what I could do in my retirement!

Earlier this Fall, I was crippled for a while by excruciating inflammation of my ankles. I am happy to report that this has completely cleared up, and I’m pretty good below the knees. Unfortunately, I then suffered from aching elbow joints — they swelled up nastily, but that’s gone down now, and instead I’ve got skin peeling away at my elbows, now that they’ve shrunk down again. So a couple of days ago, my right knee decided to freak out on me, and walking has become painful once more. I hobble about with a stylish cane nowadays.

I can safely say that my left leg is one body part that is holding up, so far. I’ve been getting a few complaints about it having to do most of the work of shuffling me around, but I keep telling it it needs to wait its turn. It can only betray me once my right knee has recovered.

Anyway, it’s getting harder to lecture dynamically — I don’t like to hide in a corner and just tell students what to think. I’ve been trying to think of alternative jobs I could do while relatively immobile in a single room, and I think I’ve got one.


AMissouri teacher has been suspended after school administrators learned she’s an OnlyFans star.

Brianna Coppage, 28, taught English classes at St. Clair High School until she was placed on leave Wednesday, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported. Coppage began posting on OnlyFans over the summer as a way to boost her annual income, she said.

The Post-Dispatch reported that her teaching job brought in about $42,000 last year. She told the outlet that she made up to $10,000 extra per month through OnlyFans.

Whoa. That’s $120,000/year, about 50% more than I make as a lowly college professor. I could just roll around on silken sheets, keeping the stress off my failing joints, and get a substantial raise.

I can think of no flaws in this plan.


  1. says

    I can’t spot any flaws in your plan either, but I find it ridiculous that she could be fired for posting titillating videos and/or pictures behind a paywall. Firstly the person who said this to the administration is a massive hypocrite, but apart from that, she did not do anything that could “endanger the children” in any way, because of the paywall. If she posted nudes with identification on publicly accessible spaces there might be a case, but this way it seems to me that the administration is policing her private life.

  2. birgerjohansson says

    Methinks the school board are embarassed they are not competitive on the job market.
    Teachers and other peons are supposed to be too poor to have energy to question how things are run.

    Anyway, unless her onlyfans activities interfere with her teaching, the school board can fuck off.
    And since the school board are puritans, I bet most of them are massive porn consumers while doing this kind of virtue signalling in public.

  3. says

    Someone had to subscribe to get access to that content — so more money for Brianna, which is good.

    But yes, now schoolboards all across the country have an excuse to subscribe to OnlyFans, in order to document what perversions are going on behind that paywall. It’s going to be a tough job, I imagine there’s all kinds of “naughty teacher/student” role playing going on, maybe second only to the “naughty nun” games.

  4. kome says

    I wonder what clause in her contract allows them to suspend her. I mean, I know the principle behind it is just puritanical bullshit that punishes women for exerting agency over how their body is used. But I am mildly curious what language is in the contract that they’re using to accomplish the goal of punishing a woman for having a life outside of being a teacher.

  5. birgerjohansson says

    PZ, I am reminded of an idea from Stanislaw Lem’s novel “Peace On Earth” -once remote-controlled robots became viable, one of the first customer groups were ageing call girls who purchased young-looking female humanoid models.

    Once the technology becomes available, even mature men looking for an onlyfans career (or even something more intimate) will have the opportunity to ‘print money’ legally.

  6. hillaryrettig1 says

    Missouri teachers get paid about the worst in the nation. The amazing thing is that she continues to teach despite it paying a fraction of the OF. I (truly) admire her dedication to her students.

    PZ if you go on only fans I will pledge $1 month, $2 if you keep your clothes on! #oldjoke

  7. Dennis K says

    Her OnlyFans patronage has likely skyrocketed since this debacle “hit the airwaves.” I’m not going to bother checking.

  8. Akira MacKenzie says

    Oh no. A teacher took some sexy pictures that she sells online.

    Civilization will come to an end. (Eye roll emoji)

  9. wzrd1 says

    hillaryrettig1 @ 6, you’re a low bidder! I get paid $10k per month to keep my clothes on, gotta pay everyone viewing if I take them off.
    Of course, that was leveraging our adult hit film, “The Great Train Wreck”, myself being the star – the Wreck. Now, I play “The Steaming Rust Heap”.

  10. gijoel says

    It’s weird that Americans, although I’m sure I’d get the same response in other countries, freaky out about teachers doing anything remotely like sex work.

    Honestly, if they were really worried about abusers getting access to kids they’d ban priests from entering schools.

  11. weylguy says

    Yes, elderly, gimpy ex-professors may be a fetish draw. I don’t approve, but maybe it beats poverty.

  12. wajim says

    Professor, I am only 3 years younger, but I get where you are physically. Your site is one I cherish, above all. Please stay heathy and hopeful; ai know it gets harder after 60, Your r the best

  13. robro says

    Since apparently almost anything can find an audience on the internet…and a paying one at that…perhaps you could just do your “aging college professor studying spiders while fully clothes” and skip the rolling around on silk sheets.

  14. John Morales says

    Depends on how incest is conceived.

    Oops-nomaduk beat me to it. Haha, see what I did there?

    Um, PZ is not using a biological definition of incest, but a familial one.
    Sociology, not biology.
    When stepmom literally is functionally mom, then the hereditary history is not of relevance to the concept, sociologically speaking.

    The yuk-factor may not be there for everyone, of course.

    (To be fair, upon reading PZ’s qualms I thought of Heinlein.
    cf. “The Tale of the Twins Who Weren’t”)

  15. says

    Same age as PZ, give or take, and yes the bits ache more than they used to, and take longer to heal if I get a bump or a bruise. I keep telling my wife I won’t be able to do all the crazy stuff I’ve been doing for her, lugging flowerpots and climbing ladders and stuff. I thought I’d live to be a 100 when I was in my 30s, and now I’m not sure I’ll make it to 70. Sigh.

    When my mom’s hip started going bust, she got herself a little folding scooter. Don’t know if something like that would work for you. A Segway? or just a mobility scooter?

  16. says


    It’s even worse. The school board members probably didn’t pay one dime to Brianna — either they, or a family member, were probably frequently porn piracy sites. So she probably didn’t even get the $10 for gas and parking to be shamed at the school board meeting.

    Hey, I come by this knowledge legitimately — I assist authors/artists/musicians/composers with piracy problems and there’s a lot of, umm, multitasking on pirate sites (both on the dark web and right out in the open).

  17. Silentbob says

    (Thanks for the explainer Morales, we were all so confused. *rolls eyes*)

    Anyway, it hardly looks like she’s going to miss the job. I can’t believe she was willing to work so cheap.

  18. John Morales says

    (Thanks for the explainer Morales, we were all so confused. *rolls eyes*)

    Nah, no worries. I notice these things, O self-appointed self-described swivel-eyed group-speaker. We can’t all be the comic relief.

  19. Kagehi says

    Such sites are a bane to a lot of people. I know a few people who have had run ins with freaking Youtube censorship, or other services, as well as other issues, because those sites don’t give a F where they get their “content” from, and will run bots on everything from photo sites, to naturist sites, to thumbnails for videos, hunting for “nudes”, which they repost as porn on their garbage sites. They don’t care what the context is, where it came from, or anything else, as long as it fills their pages with stolen pictures and videos. I have no idea how much worse this is on the dark web, compared to the stuff on sites that “could”, if they where not complete scum, still make some level of legit money off things that porn makers “allow” them to post on the same places, but its not hard to imagine at least “some” of the stuff likely “borrowed” from such sources, which where never intended for such misuse and would have been utterly harmless in the original context, until someone fed it to a site dedicated to people that see “any” nudity as sexual. I am sure some can guess what I hint at.

  20. says

    A while back the WWE released one of its wrestlers, Mandy Rose, because she had a FanTime page, something that I assume is similar to OnlyFans. Yes, the same WWE who once proudly announced when its female wrestlers were being featured in Playboy magazine and had an announcer who kept yelling about seeing their “puppies” when the women were in the ring.

    Much like this story, Rose was making more money from FanTime than she was putting her body through the wear and tear of professional wrestling… Sorry, “sports entertainment” (my apologies, Vince).

  21. wzrd1 says

    Tabby Lavalamp @ 28, but you don’t get the point. It’s only OK if one does it to make Daddy Warbucks money, the performer isn’t allowed to make money. Not even on the slave’s free time.
    Because, that is just what it comes down to, teacher and performer both belong to their employer 24/7/365, whether or not they’re being paid for their time.

  22. says

    wzrd1 @29

    No shit. WWE cracked down on its “independent contractors” making money anywhere else without giving them a share, so a lot of them had to stop their Twitch or YouTube channels.

  23. jrkrideau says

    Brianna Coppage, 28, taught English classes at St. Clair High School …her teaching job brought in about $42,000 last year.

    Bloody hell. Annual statutory teachers’ salaries in public institutions, by level of education taught and teaching experience, Canadian dollars, Canada, provinces and territories, 2020/2021

    The CDN$ is less than the US$. US$42,000 is about CDN$ 57,600 but basic medical coverage is outside the contract and co-pay is a foreign concept. So, at best, she is making almost a first-year teacher’s salary by Canadian standards.

  24. John Morales says

    This talking about some specific person who’s done nothing wrong but is having her choices evaluated is not a meritorious undertaking.

    Talking about the issues at hand is one thing, talking about how she earnt such a pittance is not the same.