In case you ever wondered what kind of schlock a creationist would churn out if they decided to write fiction, I give you…
Mythic Evolution, a collection of short stories written by Miguel Atkinson.
Finally the mysteries of evolution may be revealed! Short stories on evolution collected to enjoy! From the World’s Greatest Evolutionist appearing to solve every mystery of evolution to the raw power of the Lightning Evolutionist, the world of evolution may never be the same!
I know, you’re curious, but like me, you don’t want to pay $3.99 to read any of these glorious works of creative writing. Fortunately, he provides a free sample, which I include below the fold, which simultaneously will satisfy your curiosity about the content and will cure you of any desire to read further. But first, I’ll tell you what I found interesting about it.
Here is the cover to the book.
Even conservative Christians know that sex sells! The orientation of the image is a bit odd, and I found myself wondering why this woman is wearing her lab safety goggles around her thigh.
Then the sample story is about…a debate at a science conference. Creationists certainly have a skewed perspective on what science involves, don’t they? In this story, his mystery man scientist — who is wearing a lab coat and safety goggles, of course — presents his dazzling theory. Or rather, what a creationist thinks would be a typical scientific explanation.
…humans like bananas even though they are not native to their locality. Here we see humans remember their ape-like diet. Humans love bananas and apes love bananas. I call it, theory of evolutionary flavor!!! Haha! Why? Therefore evolution.
Then the creationist, Dr. Roman Sigfried, who is going to
end the lies of evolution with a presentation of his evidence, reveals his rebuttal: photos of
human footprints and human bones on top of dinosaur tracks. Atkinson has all the power of his imagination to conjure up a persuasive example, and he falls back on a debate that rehashes the Paluxy River footprints. It’s been done. It didn’t work.
The excerpt ends shortly after the evolutionist threatens to
kill his opponent, so I guess we’ll never know how the big debate is resolved. I promise you won’t enjoy the full force of his muddled writing and twisted logic and limited imagination, but here’s the unadorned writing sample if you wish to torture yourself.
Months before when the man who shocked the world first appeared.
They were in a large crowd at a small science conference. A small debate of two notable men. Dr. Roman Sigfried, a leader in denouncing evolution hoaxes like the flying pig pictures awhile back. And Dr. Martin Apel who cancelled suddenly!
Although this was a small get together, it garnered more attention as Dr. Sigfried was basically saying it was the end of evolution once he presented. This caused a few local news crews to stop by but the buzz wasn’t like a concert or anything. Still, the turnout was higher than recent years and many professionals as well as people of varied experience showed up for the debate and presentation.
“It’s time we end the lies of evolution. After my presentation of the evidence, I suspect everyone will finally realize it was dead on arrival,” the doctor said to the blonde newswoman.
The newswoman ran down the hall to the other doctor to get a comment as well. “I have come to reveal my latest research not indulge in fantasy like Dr. Roman. Stay tuned!” the mystery substitute said as they both moved to the stage. The podiums were ready as well as the massive screen for their displaying evidence.
The university had scheduled a debate on evolution and creation for over a month. Unfortunately, the evolutionist had cancelled. No doubt in fear of his opponent who had won several thus far. Rather than cancel the whole event, a substitute had been chosen due to his eagerness. A complete unknown with little in credentials. Yet, he stood boldly in his white coat with safety goggles atop his head as if he had just finished some experiment!
The Creation advocate stood up in a dark suit at his podium. The audience bought snacks as they prepared for a break from the usual school events. “My opponent Dr. Apel was too busy to make it. I don’t blame him. The last time we spoke, he was trying to convince me evolution was real because he had lower back pain!” Dr. Roman said with a smile. They laughed.
“As if that was proof that he used to walk on four legs? I mean, what kind of proof is he thinking of? That man ‘evolved’ from hippo? I have never met our substitute but I hope you won’t be using Dr. Apel’s arguments,” Dr. Roman said as he gestured to him.
The man in the lab coat gladly spoke up.
“I too have heard this foolish idea. People say lower back pain proves evolution. I think we all see the faulty logic in that. Anyone can hurt their back or twist it even whilst sleeping. It’s much more logical to say humans like bananas even though they are not native to their locality. Here we see humans remember their ape-like diet. Humans love bananas and apes love bananas. I call it, theory of evolutionary flavor!!! Haha! Why? Therefore evolution.” the man declared before the stunned audience.
“Well, of course bananas are delicious! But still!” Dr. Roman said as he continued on his evidence tearing into evolution. The crowd was half pleased and half angry.
Dr. Roman went into his presentation in depth. The screen flashed with photos of the footprints.
“Now, these human footprints and human bones on top of dinosaur tracks clearly undo the idea of billions of years! It is utter nonsense and the time to let go, no, the time to destroy the lies is here!” Dr. Roman shouted to applause. But the evolutionists were furious!
“I’m going to kill this fucker,” the evolutionist mumbled to himself.
He turned to his opponent happily. “Well?” Dr. Roman said.
“Are you finished? Yes, well, I suppose that is a nice transition point for me, thank you. As Dr. Roman just put it, it is impossible for humans to live at this time,” the unknown man said from his podium.