In case you ever wondered what kind of schlock a creationist would churn out if they decided to write fiction, I give you…Mythic Evolution
, a collection of short stories written by Miguel Atkinson.
Finally the mysteries of evolution may be revealed! Short stories on evolution collected to enjoy! From the World’s Greatest Evolutionist appearing to solve every mystery of evolution to the raw power of the Lightning Evolutionist, the world of evolution may never be the same!
I know, you’re curious, but like me, you don’t want to pay $3.99 to read any of these glorious works of creative writing. Fortunately, he provides a free sample, which I include below the fold, which simultaneously will satisfy your curiosity about the content and will cure you of any desire to read further. But first, I’ll tell you what I found interesting about it.
Here is the cover to the book.
Even conservative Christians know that sex sells! The orientation of the image is a bit odd, and I found myself wondering why this woman is wearing her lab safety goggles around her thigh.
Then the sample story is about…a debate at a science conference. Creationists certainly have a skewed perspective on what science involves, don’t they? In this story, his mystery man scientist — who is wearing a lab coat and safety goggles, of course — presents his dazzling theory. Or rather, what a creationist thinks would be a typical scientific explanation.
…humans like bananas even though they are not native to their locality. Here we see humans remember their ape-like diet. Humans love bananas and apes love bananas. I call it, theory of evolutionary flavor!!! Haha! Why? Therefore evolution.
Then the creationist, Dr. Roman Sigfried, who is going to end the lies of evolution
with a presentation of his evidence, reveals his rebuttal: photos of human footprints and human bones on top of dinosaur tracks
. Atkinson has all the power of his imagination to conjure up a persuasive example, and he falls back on a debate that rehashes the Paluxy River footprints. It’s been done. It didn’t work.
The excerpt ends shortly after the evolutionist threatens to kill
his opponent, so I guess we’ll never know how the big debate is resolved. I promise you won’t enjoy the full force of his muddled writing and twisted logic and limited imagination, but here’s the unadorned writing sample if you wish to torture yourself.
Months before when the man who shocked the world first appeared.
They were in a large crowd at a small science conference. A small debate of two notable men. Dr. Roman Sigfried, a leader in denouncing evolution hoaxes like the flying pig pictures awhile back. And Dr. Martin Apel who cancelled suddenly!
Although this was a small get together, it garnered more attention as Dr. Sigfried was basically saying it was the end of evolution once he presented. This caused a few local news crews to stop by but the buzz wasn’t like a concert or anything. Still, the turnout was higher than recent years and many professionals as well as people of varied experience showed up for the debate and presentation.
“It’s time we end the lies of evolution. After my presentation of the evidence, I suspect everyone will finally realize it was dead on arrival,” the doctor said to the blonde newswoman.
The newswoman ran down the hall to the other doctor to get a comment as well. “I have come to reveal my latest research not indulge in fantasy like Dr. Roman. Stay tuned!” the mystery substitute said as they both moved to the stage. The podiums were ready as well as the massive screen for their displaying evidence.
The university had scheduled a debate on evolution and creation for over a month. Unfortunately, the evolutionist had cancelled. No doubt in fear of his opponent who had won several thus far. Rather than cancel the whole event, a substitute had been chosen due to his eagerness. A complete unknown with little in credentials. Yet, he stood boldly in his white coat with safety goggles atop his head as if he had just finished some experiment!
The Creation advocate stood up in a dark suit at his podium. The audience bought snacks as they prepared for a break from the usual school events. “My opponent Dr. Apel was too busy to make it. I don’t blame him. The last time we spoke, he was trying to convince me evolution was real because he had lower back pain!” Dr. Roman said with a smile. They laughed.
“As if that was proof that he used to walk on four legs? I mean, what kind of proof is he thinking of? That man ‘evolved’ from hippo? I have never met our substitute but I hope you won’t be using Dr. Apel’s arguments,” Dr. Roman said as he gestured to him.
The man in the lab coat gladly spoke up.
“I too have heard this foolish idea. People say lower back pain proves evolution. I think we all see the faulty logic in that. Anyone can hurt their back or twist it even whilst sleeping. It’s much more logical to say humans like bananas even though they are not native to their locality. Here we see humans remember their ape-like diet. Humans love bananas and apes love bananas. I call it, theory of evolutionary flavor!!! Haha! Why? Therefore evolution.” the man declared before the stunned audience.
“Well, of course bananas are delicious! But still!” Dr. Roman said as he continued on his evidence tearing into evolution. The crowd was half pleased and half angry.
Dr. Roman went into his presentation in depth. The screen flashed with photos of the footprints.
“Now, these human footprints and human bones on top of dinosaur tracks clearly undo the idea of billions of years! It is utter nonsense and the time to let go, no, the time to destroy the lies is here!” Dr. Roman shouted to applause. But the evolutionists were furious!
“I’m going to kill this fucker,” the evolutionist mumbled to himself.
He turned to his opponent happily. “Well?” Dr. Roman said.
“Are you finished? Yes, well, I suppose that is a nice transition point for me, thank you. As Dr. Roman just put it, it is impossible for humans to live at this time,” the unknown man said from his podium.
That cover image has some perspective issues. Look at the relationship between the surface she is lying on (table? bed?) and the railing in the foreground. Which is higher? Then look at the relationship between her hips and the railing…
Well, I know that he’s confused, given the cover art showing lab safety glasses being used as a garter.
But, it’s interesting that he contradicts his bible, which is claimed that human origin was in the Fertile Crescent and bananas originated in SE Asia.
Indeed, I’m questioning quite a few things thus far, including whether or not he’s trusted with anything more hazardous than a rubberized infant feeding spoon, as I’m entirely certain that he can locate his mouth with the same skills utilized in mislocating the origin of humanity.
I think I’ll write several works of anti-creationist propaganda fiction in response. There will be literal back-stabbing and actual heresy, actually! A superfluity of incomplete sentences. Misplaced commas swearing and, many, many, exclamation marks!!
Fire up a bunch of chatbots to write this kind of stuff. Flood the zone and it’ll become difficult to discern intentional BS from sincere BS.
Why does that cover look like a shitty knock off manga?
@5 Because it is.
And my god, what amazingly bad writing.
Well, you do keep your promises, don’t you?
I got through the first five sentences, four of which are incomplete; then my eyes started to glaze over. I got that funny buzzy feeling like electricity in the air and leapt backward in a panic, like an animal trapped in a bag.
I didn’t have to gnaw a leg off, but…oh, that’s gonna leave a scar.
That writing was so bad I actually devolved.
Suppose that’s an AI generated cover based on training on MC Esher and the barbie catalog?
Clearly there can’t be human footprints atop dinosaur prints- they’re all wearing spiked heels and would get stuck in the mud! Case closed!
And banana’s? The freak grafted mutant monoculture? Tell me he talks about banana’s being perfectly fitted to the human hand in there somewhere.
That was so bad I canceled. The writing is what I would expect from a 7th grader.
Should have gone with the high priced sentence fragments:
Shayde Guardians Origins by Miguel Atkinson
Price: $8.99 USD. Words: 116,620. Language: English. Published: December 3, 2022. Categories: Fiction » Horror » General, Fiction » Adventure » Action
(5.00 from 1 review)
Short Stories of the Shayde Guardians are here! Heroes that shine in the darkest shades of night! Sam the One-Armed Werewolf! Larson the Lightning Genius! Eviay the woman with Perfect Eyes! And Sarah the pure heart! Behold as the group forms to take on dark foes and grow into a team one by one! They face werewolves, vampires and strange creatures!
The image and text are both almost certainly “AI-generated”. The image has the telltale artifacts around the hands and other small details. The text sounds exactly like a story from a chatbot, except for the line where the evolutionist mumbles about killing the creationist: it’s the only use of a swear word, it’s completely tonally different from the rest, and it’s awkwardly inserted in a way that breaks the grammar of the paragraph following it. As bad as this garbage is, the “author’s” only real contribution was to make it even worse.
@5. Autobot Silverwynde : Bad pin up art maybe?
Terrible writing which reveals the authors absoluite lack of knowledge of science and conferences and pretty much everything.
The footprints thing? For starters, time travel seems a likely explanation than creationism. Hoax being even more likely natch.
Nope, if real – which seems unlikely and would need a lot of verifiying work – that shows that somehow one human was somehow around then or at least something that left footprints identical to humans which could be something very different to a member of species homo sapiens..
Also saying someone goes into their presentation in depth and then just using “photos of footprints” – yeah. Nah.
Hmm .. Searches :
Source : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paluxy_River#Man_track_controversy
Does this Creationist klown not know about that notably the debunking part and not allow for it inhis lazy as wella s unrealistic purple with yellow polka dotted prose? Even just a thing about “..unlike the famously rejected Paluxy River footprints, we can see from figure 3 here that the shape of these new ones is actually truly convincing and this feature here shows X, Y, Z.. the presenc eiof a Delorean’s tyre track here is also very intresting .. “
Also which species of dinosaur I wonder? Did this klown even think of that let alone looking up the words ‘ichnite’ to give his pap at least potential plausibility?
Let me guess, this guy watches a lot of Faux and is bad at inventing names… & something sure is dead on arrival here but it isn’t evolution.
@ 9. bcw bcw : “Clearly there can’t be human footprints atop dinosaur prints- they’re all wearing spiked heels and would get stuck in the mud! Case closed!””
But why would a dinosaur be wearing spiked heels? Iguanadon & some of its relatives – & some sauropods if memory serves – had spiked thumbs but not spiked heels..
They didn’t all have a thagomizer, you know.
Jerry Seinfeld voice: What is the deal with creationists and bananas?
Is that picture something Midjourney produced? Nope.
Dagnabit. Editor removed my angle brackets.
Is that picture something Midjourney produced? [checking her fingers.] Nope
On that cover image: I guess it was cheaper to use the author’s inflatable sex doll (killer abs by the way!) than paying a live model.
Just asking the creationists: ever wonder why primates don’t make our own Vitamin C? Could it be that we evolved in a fruit-rich environment?
Kind of reminds me of a book trilogy written by a creationist who works for Dumb Idiot Ham at his AiG “headquarters” in Northern Kentucky. Like this “Mythic Evolution” crap, the trilogy is swamped with creation fantasies that serves as bases for Dumb Idiot Ham’s putrid “ark park” with a gladiatorial arena where giants battling dinosaurs and Noah’s ark bearing an unrealistic resemblance to a modern day oil tanker.
My guess would be that the background, the woman, the goggles and the copycat butterfly were generated separately with AI and then crudely pasted together. Most likely, the last three elements were sourced via some stock art library and were made by someone with moderate skill in designing and polishing AI human/animal/object figures. Meanwhile, the author felt they could AI generate a “balcony with a view outside” by themselves and pass it off as background, because people don’t look at backgrounds that closely.
It’s like a Twitter reply where some inarticulate numpty tries to “improve” on a joke but at a short story length.
Soon to be a Minor Motion Picture, starring Kevin Sorbo and Kirk Cameron.
Yes, a name I’m certain is meant to pander to the “ancient conquerors for Western (i.e. White) civilization” alt.right fanbois who long for a latter-day Charles Martel or Fredrick Barbarossa to save Christendom from the dark-skin foreigners and atheist infidels.
Was the cover picture really rotated 90 degrees clockwise? That would be even dumber than the picture itself.
And who is that girl? A hot Christian creationist who coolly debunks and castrates the stodgy old atheist scientists? Or an evil atheist harlot who tries to use her feminine wiles to undermine good Christian creationist family values?
And why is there a large framed picture lying on the ground in which one of the trees is rooted?
Dr Apel? I suppose that the homeschooled creationist thinks that is a clever name for the evolutionary scientist who didn’t want to spend their time debating science with numptys.
It’s definitely AI. The hand on the railing is malformed and holding onto something in an impossible manner. The abs combined with boobs that are as big as her head aren’t natural anatomy, and that ear is just wrong.
The writing is on par with the creationist logic.
Somehow humans did not evolve from quadrupeds, because they are bipedal? Also, something about bananas, even though humans have bred modern bananas quite recently in evolutionary timescales. Checkmate!
I wonder if Miguel has ever eaten plantains?
Um…. anybody can self publish and anybody can run a generate avatar software program. So as a result dumb people do self publish and make dumb images.
Not sure that there is a story to be seen here. I mean if this guy were representative of a creationist institute or writing for some publication, or authentically being quoted by someone, that’d be one thing, but the existence of a bozo posting something stupid in a void to the void is not earth-shattering.
(Although, I admit it is amusing just how AWFUL this is and, it’s somewhat astonishing such awfulness can actually exist.)
We have no reason to assume this guy isn’t a 7th grader. (I suspect he’s probably a very dim high-school student)
Um… no it doesn’t. It goes on for another 15 unreadable pages. Turns out the evolutionist is Dr. Adam Rex and is the hero of the story and the creationist was the villain. The book turns out to be about how mythical creatures (centaurs, mermaids, and in the case of the footprints, pre-historic lizard men) are real because evolution is magic.
And the stupid cover is explained a bit later
Wow, that’s even sillier than both of my guesses put together!
Rich Woods@ 3 You should make film versions, modelled on the Italian giallo films.
“The excerpt ends shortly after the evolutionist threatens to “kill” his opponent”
Do keep in mind how these people communicate via projection. This author is showing you what he really wants to do to those who question the validity of his position. If given half the chance, this is what creationists will do to all of science and scientists alike. It has happened before, multiple times. They are closer to killing all of us than anybody wants to imagine, right now. They are over halfway to achieving their goals, if you take DeSantis as any indication of where American politics is heading next. Your current GoP is catering to the likes of DeVoss, who has publicly stated she would destroy all of public education if she could. She did a nice knock on it when Trump put her in charge, and DeSantis is already following in her footsteps.
I’m not saying you should “do” anything, because nobody will anyway (History tells us that nobody ever really takes these things seriously until it is far too late). But if you have the opportunity, you might want to take a look at the brain drain in Germany just before the Nazis fully took over in Germany. You soon will have to decide if you should fight or flee. I chickened out and fled, because it appeared nobody wanted to fight. Still your choice for now, but it won’t be for much longer with the way things are going. I know nobody wants to accept this, but part of you knows it is true. that part of you that recalls it has happened before, and that there really is nothing to stop it from happening again.
good luck.
@Ichthyic, I’ll do as I originally trained.
Stay behind forces.
@ ^ Ichthyic : Yes. Yes, I agree its projection and the creationists would just love to use violence and murder to suppress science and oppress everyone else. Your example also shows why this is so counter-productive – the Jewish scientists that fled the nazis ending up creating among other things the Nuclear Bomb. Drive out the brighest scientists and there’ll be consequences for it. Dumb down your population, encourage anti-intellectualism and willful ignorance and it really doesn’t take a genius to see how that will end up hurting your own society. Make the USA great again? You can’t do that with policies that will predictably make it a weaker and a worse place. I guess people have already tried to point this out to them?
@ 25. Raging Bee : “..why is there a large framed picture lying on the ground in which one of the trees is rooted?”
FWIW. A garden bed or sandpit I think. One that’s mulched maybe. Looking after the trees, well a tree at least even if ignoring their ecological and evolutionary roles no doubt.
@28. woozy : Wow. That does not get any better writing ~wise!
So, okay, first why does his bed have a window in it and secondly, has she actually disrobed or is she only near-naked i.e. still wearing some clothes?
Not a Lepidoptera expert but, umm, aren’t butterflies diurnal and making it much more likely to be a moth instead? Also “breast” singular? Or specifying her large breast as opposed to, well, a mismatched much smaller one of the pair? His eye – singular again? In out of the night air? Which differes from the day air?
How, erm, not at all romantic. Dude, that’s not how orgasms work nor is talking to yourself about how great you are using the words focus simple likely the best choice of turn-ons.. Unless its been pre-arranged consensually as role play or suchlike, also ordering your sex partner around, yeah, not so great.
Not sure that even qualifies as a sex scene but isn’t there a competition or something for worst written sex / romance scene somewhere?
Pretty clear this dreadful excuse for a book hasn’t been edited.
Smashbook is a site for wannabe authors to post their writings for other wannabe authors. No, they are not edited.
It’s rather surprising just how large an on-line community of untalented wannabe authors there are and just how cluelessly awful many of them are (This guy is only slightly worse than average). One would have thought merely recognizing writing as an activity to pursue would make one slightly capable of recognizing garbage.
This book gets worse. The point of the butterfly encounter was … well, read for yourself
And that’s where the free sample ends.
It would be cooler if they just said evolution would create a real Godzilla or Mothra.
Also, mutations cause superpowers.
@birgerjohannson #30:
I can see the opening titles already.
“A Papal Edict Is Bull”
“Death, She Stalks The Cloisters!”
“The Tentacle Screams ‘Va Fanculo!’!!”
I call ChatBot Poe!
@34. woozy :
Oh my Flying Sphaghetti Monster. Wow. That’s just .. wow.
Uh, thanks I think?
Some serious authors do use SmashWords as one of their marketing channels, though. It can be helpful if you want to buy a known book, or a book from a known author, while avoiding Amazon. It’s probably not a good idea to buy random ebooks anywhere based on their pitches alone.