Why it’s good to have a lawyer

Kent Hovind has been dealing with some legal issues lately — in particular, he had a court date to argue about this restraining order his ex-wife filed against him. Atheist Jr dug up the documents Hovind filed to support his claim that, oh yeah, he has definitely been obeying the restrictions. It’s clear he’s acting as his own lawyer.

Here’s a pdf of his defense. It’s a step above submitting it in crayon, I’ll admit, but it’s repetitive and indignant and petty, and contains maps with circles and arrows, and testimonials from the culties at his church camp, including one from his “wife”, Sandra Hovind (it’s not clear whether he was legally divorced from any of his string of partners, or if they made any binding commitment to each other). It’s signed Dr. Kent Hovind, so it’s all built around false testimony and ought to be thrown out on that basis.

You’d think he’d have learned by now that having a real lawyer to help with your case would bring a little knowledge and professionalism to the affair.


  1. Reginald Selkirk says

    That screengrab looks like the last paragraph. Is the first paragraph,
    “Hi, I’m Kent Hovind.” ?

  2. says

    Isn’t there some law against calling yourself a “doctor” when you aren’t? Dr. Demento was better educated than this clown and he was an actual clown.

  3. whheydt says

    Any 8×10 color glossy photographs?

    The real problem is that a real lawyer is going to want to get paid, and some of that is going to have to be up front. Does Hovind actually have that sort of money?

  4. moarscienceplz says

    Thanks for the the PDF, PZ, but rather than read it I just wanna ride my motorsickle.

    (If anybody out there is scratching their head about some of these comments, just look up Arlo Guthrie and Alice’s Restaurant in Wikipedia.)

  5. PaulBC says

    @3 “Hi, I’m Kent Hovind. You might remember me from such films as ‘Dinosaurs and the Bible’ or ‘Evolution: The Foundation for Communism, Socialism and the New World Order’.” Maybe he has a second career waiting for him endorsing nutritional supplements.

  6. Rich Woods says

    @PaulBC #9:

    Hovind’s next career change will start shortly after his pending appeal is heard, and likely involve breaking rocks.

  7. gijoel says

    Kent resembles Cerebus from Church and State more each day. “God demands you give me all your money.”

  8. Artor says

    “You’d think he’d have learned by now…”
    Nah, I’m aware enough of Hovind to know that he’s pathologically incapable of learning anything. Seriously, I think there’s something wrong in his brain. This is not a normal level of cultivated ignorance.

  9. Oggie: Mathom says

    Hovind’s next career change will start shortly after his pending appeal is heard, and likely involve breaking rocks.

    I hear he’s got a job offer as a lawyer for Trump and the Trump (dis)Organization.

  10. Oggie: Mathom says

    And I really need to read all the way to the bottom before commenting. Though, the other jokes were not identical, so, I guess I got away with it?

  11. robro says

    “I hereby request…” and the other language in the excerpt is probably Kent trying to imitate his idea of what a lawyer would write, i.e. something he heard on TV. Yes, he should hire a lawyer, but I’m guessing he can’t afford a real lawyer much less a good one. Trump, who can afford real lawyers, can’t seem to hire good lawyers that are any better than Kent but that’s partly because he doesn’t pay them.

  12. whheydt says

    I note that Hovind is claiming “entrapment” and cites a definition that specifies that it is something done by an officer or someone under their control. As stated, that definition wouldn’t apply to his ex.

  13. Louis says

    @Crip Dyke, #5,

    I think the “hereby” is there to indicate that hereby Hovind’s pronouncements are to be “enshrined in law”.



  14. Louis says

    Hovind’s grift is identical, has always been identical, and always will be identical to every grift of his. Religion, law, and politics serve the interests of Kent Hovind. What ever that might be at the specific moment. Whatever lie, whatever non-sequitur, whatever the faux outrage at his being a “victim” of systems like the law, it’s all just in the moment. If it serves his ego or wallet it’s true, if it doesn’t it’s false.


  15. brightmoon says

    Ah , the smarminess is strong in this one . I can’t watch him he’s too slimy . Makes me feel like I need a bath and that was before I found out he was a wife batterer.