Spam filter powers activate!


Got this in my email this morning. Now I’m triggered.

No. I don’t believe a bowl of gummy bears will change my life. I’m going to guess these contain cannabis, but I don’t care enough about my hypothesis to click and check.

The Fox News logo immediately alerted me that this is garbage marketed at old gomers, and I’m not there yet.

Then there’s “AND SO DO THE THE SHARK’S”. Double “the”, inappropriate possessive, and citing Shark Tank, that show about a group of arrogant capitalists? No thank you.

Comments

  1. says

    I was going to comment on the sugar free varient as well. If you’re immensely constipated they will change your life! <3 hahahaha

  2. blf says

    Yeah, an admittedly quick search does suggest these gummy bears — if the ones being spammed are even a real product — probably claim to contain CBD, albeit whether or not they do, or do so in anything other than homeopathetic amounts, is open to question. However, there is a possibly they might be a sugar-free model.

    Presuming that’s the real faux logo, or a intended to look like the real one, I wonder if the scammers got permission first to use it? (Rhetorical question, given the obvious low-quality scammy nature of this spam &msash; unless the scammers are deliberately trying to make it look low-quality?)

  3. blf says

    The physical address is real, and has been associated, recently, with other scams (Home Depot Phishing Email – Open Immediately).

    There’s an office building there, which was(? is?) a bank(?), but it’s not clear the building is actually being used at the moment or contains any occupants. I presume it’s just an empty building whose address is being used in an attempt to add an air of legitimacy to what, based on that other report, might be a phishing spam.

  4. blf says

    me@4, Sorry, I was referring to the more prominent Florida address, not the California address. (Somehow that got dropped from my comment — fumble fingers editing, I suppose.)

  5. blf says

    Just to follow-up, the California physical address is also real: It’s a UPS shop with mailboxes for-rent.
    Could the scammers have actually been so stupid to include their snail-mailbox address in the spam? (I doubt it.)
    +++ OUT OF CHEESE ERROR +++ END SPINNING WHEEL THINGY +++

  6. nogginscratcher says

    For whatever it’s worth, spam/scam sites frequently knock off the branding of all kinds of news outlets, to try and make their advert look like a news article about how great their product is (usually either health products or “investment” “opportunities”). So the charlatans behind the gummy bears and the charlatans over at Fox News are probably two disconnected and unrelated groups of bullshitters.

  7. cartomancer says

    I have never watched the actual show, but the fact they changed the name to “Shark Tank” for the American version is obscene in itself.

    The British original they copied is called “Dragons’ Den”. The allusion being that, while a dragon can destroy you if you displease it, it is a powerful ally if you impress it and convince it to take your side. Thus pitching a business idea to an investor is painted as making a high-stakes deal with a powerful mentor who can improve your lot if they so choose.

    A shark tank is nothing like that. A shark tank is an egregious punishment. The sharks never offer to aid you should you impress them, you just have to avoid them. There is no benefit to braving the shark tank that couldn’t be gained from going nowhere near it in the first place.

  8. christoph says

    If it says it contains a cannabis extract but doesn’t say which kind (THC, CBD) it’s most likely something inert. Kind of like the cannabis products advertised on Amazon.

  9. garnetstar says

    There is a candy called “gummy sharks”, which are, of course, gummy things shaped like sharks. They’re just as bad for you as the kind shaped like bears.

  10. xmnr says

    Hmm…I drove by that address last week—it’s near our dentist. I’m not sure what’s in there now, but it used to be an Olive Garden.

  11. blf says

    There’s also, apparently, a real shark colloquially known as the Gummy Shark (Mustelus antarcticus). Unsurprisingly, they lurk off the Ozland coast (mostly in the south), but rather surprisingly, considering it is Ozland, aren’t (too?) dangerous to humans (rather the reverse).

  12. blf says

    christoph@15, Yes (I do know that, Thanks!), but this is Ozland (Australia), where about the only life not dangerous to humans is “some of the sheep” (per Terry Pratchett’s allegory joke).

    On humans being dangerous to sharks, and apologies for the lack of references, my recollection is the Great White’s population (specifically, and probably shark’s in general?) began to drastically decline after the release of Jaws. Very noticeable change in the trend. Also from possibly defective memory, apparently people were so frightened by the fictional depiction in that fictional (and in my opinion, awful) movie they tended to adopt something close to “kill on sight”, even when the shark wasn’t posing any threat at all.

  13. christoph says

    @ blf, # 16: Did you ever see the movie “Black Sheep?” Not sure if it takes place in Australia-it’s a horror comedy about sheep that become carnivorous and start preying on humans.

  14. PaulBC says

    Maybe they’re trying to say that the shark’s gummy bears can change your life too. I know better than to try to wrestle a gummy bear from a shark.

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