There are rumors going about that someone wants to remake The Princess Bride, and some people are going batshit, as if this is some grand heresy that should never be done. You know me, I’m fond of breaking sacred cows, so I’m going to go the other way — the movie should be remade, it must happen, to the point where I’m willing to help them with ideas. I have some casting suggestions that will make sure this is the very best Princess Bride it can be!
Buttercup: Paris Hilton.
Westley: Tommy Wiseau.
Inigo Montoya: Nicolas Cage.
Fezzik: Steven Seagal.
Vizzini: David Spade.
Prince Humperdinck: Kirk Cameron.
Count Rugen: Rob Schneider.
Miracle Max: Shane Gillis.
Valerie: Jenny McCarthy.
I’m torn on who should direct. Uwe Boll or George Lucas?
Anyway, I’m sure this movie, with the right talent, will be a glorious success. I wish the studio the best!
(See, when I get a good night’s sleep, I get all cheerful and optimistic and positive and all that crap.)