Anyone got a cow handy?

There are a few things you should test that this fellow claims.

OK. Cows can do amazing things.

  • They can absorb radiation with their horns.
  • If you place a radio between their horns, you’ll just here “ommmmm”.
  • They poop plutonium (I guess they have to do something with the radiation they absorb).
  • Their urine cures cancer.

I don’t own a cow, so it’s a little inconvenient for me to try this stuff, although I suppose I could drop by the dairy farm a half mile away. The cattle yard is full of plutonium, though, and that stuff can kill you, so I’m a bit afraid to try.

Do you think dairy farmers and cattle ranchers and cowboys are all swigging down gallons of cow piss to counter the carcinogenic effects of all that radioactivity? Do radios between American cow horns just emit Slim-Whitman-like yodels instead of “Om”?


  1. Saad says

    So a cow’s horn is the new banana?

    I don’t have the courage to search for the tab at the top though.

  2. larpar says

    •If you place a radio between their horns, you’ll just here “ommmmm”.

    I think he has that backwards. (mooooo)

  3. mastmaker says

    (speaking as a expat Indian): These were all centuries old beliefs that were in slow and terminal decline before the current ruling party discovered that paying lip service to all this bullshit gives them dependable vote blocks, just as Rethuglicans discovered abortion rights to be ‘a gift that keeps on giving’. And just like here, the second and third generation of conservative politicians (at least some of them) have drunk the cool-aid and ACTUALLY BELIEVE the bullshit.

  4. strangerinastrangeland says

    Who is this guy, any “qualification” or affiliation known for him?

    In addition to his super-cow stuff, I also liked his claim that snake breath is a cure for the Ebola “bacterium”.

  5. Dunc says

    Wow. And I thought the “biodynamic” nutters had some weird ideas about cow horns and cow shit.

  6. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    the supposed plutonium still won’t compensate for all the CH4 (methane) they actually produce.
    We need a way to collect the methane and condense it into LNG for energy.
    Burning CH4 results in ( CO2 + H2O ), and while CO2 is harmful, it is far less harmful than CH4 in the atmosphere.
    I say this after adopting a dairy farmer’s daughter as my spouse. I appreciate cows sincerely.
    AOC has raised awareness of Bovine Methane, she does not suggest eliminating the bovines, I think she’s presenting it as a challenge to harvest their methane.
    patent pending (ha)

  7. Ragutis says

    So, plutonium is the secret ingredient in ‘shrooms?. I guess that’s why my friend said “This’ll make your brain explode.”

  8. rietpluim says

    Any body tissue is capable of absorbing radioactivity, but in general it is not very good for one’s health.
    At least horn cancer won’t kill the cow, I think.

  9. mastmaker says

    Forgot to add: He is speaking in Malayalam which means he is from one of the most educated, most progressive and least fundamentalist states of the country (Kerala). If Robertsons like him thirve in the state of Kerala, God help the sheeple in other states.

  10. johnson catman says

    The nutters in the US have got nothing on the nutters in India. I mean, those claims are all easily testable and proven false, but they believe it despite the evidence.

  11. says

    Couple things:
    Ebola is a bacterium? (It’s not)
    Isn’t Plutonium used mostly for bombs and not power generation? I’ve always thought that uranium was used for power.

  12. Curious Digressions says

    Oh my gosh! That must be what’s wrong with this country! Farmers routinely de-horn dairy cattle. Just think of where we’d be as a nation of rational and centered individuals if we only had more horned cows. /S

  13. kestrel says

    Everyone where I live raises cows (except for me, I raise goats – a true rebel) and I can answer those last two questions: No. And no. Not that I’ve ever once seen or heard of anyone doing either of those things.

    But if you really wanted to test some of these claims I’d be happy to send you samples… LOTS available here… You could even say “craploads”.

  14. Ragutis says


    14 March 2019 at 12:17 pm

    Believing crap about cows’ horn sure beats believing ditto about rhino horns.

    Great. But if you convince a billion some hindus that killing cows is beneficial and to sell the horns to China, it may save the rhinos, but will be a huge detriment to AOC’s nefarious scheme to criminalize hamberders.

  15. Rob Grigjanis says

    They poop plutonium

    The constipated ones are used as ICBCs: Intercontinental Ballistic Cows. The Herd Shot ‘Round The World.

  16. lumipuna says

    Holyman – a superhero whose origin story involved stepping in a radioactive heap of bullshit

  17. Derek Vandivere says

    Speaking of cow urine, one thing I learned from being married is that if you feed a cow a diet exclusively of mangoes, you can make a really good yellow pigment from its urine.