Motivation for vegetarians

All right, jokers, first I was horrified, and then as I read that read sidebar, I realized this had to be a joke. I’m in Minnesota, though, home of spam, so it was reasonable to think this kind of processed meat product was a possibility.

It’s a relief to realize this is fake, but it really is a good photoshop job, and I had to wonder if maybe there was a grain of truth here, so I had to google “boned rolled pig” and … DEAR GOD, NO. THE REALITY IS FAR WORSE.

Do not read anything below the fold, if you fear the horrors that will haunt your dreams.

That’s like something out of a schlocky gore movie.


  1. Thomas Scott says

    That’s called a “porcetta”. It’s filled with herbs and garlic, and when roasted on a spit, is delicious.

  2. anbheal says

    Damn that writer is funny. The Onion oughtta scoop him up.

    And yes @2 Thomas Scott, porcetta is yummy, as is a spit-roasted (or buried in the ground wrapped in banana leaves baked) javelina (peccary) or suckling pig. The cheeks are among the tastiest parts, so you gotta leave the head on. Plus, where else would you shove the apple up? The alternate options do not appeal. Save those ears and cure them for a few days, and your pups will be ecstatic.

    Man, I may need to go get a face taco. You can order them with nose & lips, or without. I prefer without.

  3. Larry says

    You just gotta know that if this was being fed to the poor today, we’d being hearing cries of anguish from the GOP that these welfare moochers are dining on better food than they are.

  4. komarov says

    then as I read that read sidebar, I realized this had to be a joke.

    So the main body text actually sounds like a realistic US meat advert at some point in history? Thank the gods I was never a student, prisoner or invalid in that country of yours.

  5. unclefrogy says

    sounds good to m, boned and rolled pork roasts are much easier to carve never saw a whole small pig before spit roasting it sounds like slow torture watching it go round and round for hours though. I can except that people do not like to eat meat and all I even think eating less most of the time is more healthy though it is easier said then done I just could not really forgo it completely.
    Having fished and raised animals to eat and done my fair share of cutting up meat the gore just does not bother me though it is still work none the less.
    it’s just right now I am particularly hungry and do not know what I should eat
    uncle frogy

  6. robro says

    “First they bone me, then they roll me.” Hmmm? The censors must have missed that one.

    Pork pink slime…yum yum.

  7. weylguy says

    The giveaway is the reference to Carl Switzer in the ad, better known as the Little Rascals’ “Alfalfa,” whose pal in the series was “Porky.” Too easy.

  8. chuckonpiggott says

    @6 Komarov: This product sounds very plausible if you grew up in PA Dutch country.

  9. microraptor says

    chuckonpiggott @11: Every part of the pig but the squeal?

    Reminds me of my grandmother telling me about making head cheese when I was a kid. Thirty years later, I’m still twitchy.

  10. microraptor says

    I’d also like to post a warning: if you don’t know what head cheese is, be very, very careful if you choose to look it up.

  11. Mrdead Inmypocket says

    That second photo looks like something straight out of David Lynch’s nightmare.

  12. chigau (違う) says

    I’d eat the bonedrolledpig. I’d eat it if it had the dogs and pigeons.
    SoylentGreen, even.
    I do not eat stuff that has a face.

  13. vucodlak says

    @ chigau (違う)

    I do not eat stuff that has a face.

    But… but… if you don’t eat stuff that has a face, then how can you eat the face? I mean, it’s not like you can not eat the face… can you? No. No way. That’s just crazy talk.

    Also, I think the kinky pig-worm is adorable, but I’d never eat it. I can’t stand the smell of cooking pig-flesh, regardless of pig-length.

  14. Porivil Sorrens says

    As someone who routinely cooks sheeps heads – can’t relate. That looks delicious.

  15. pensnest says

    That is an inferior pig-worm. The superior version retains the tail.

    Still, *delicious*!

  16. Paolo says

    Well, that’s just a porchetta, quite common in Italy, especially Tuscany and Latium. Very yummy, as others before me have stated.

    @13 microraptor

    I googled “head cheese”, and it’s just what we italians call “testa in cassetta” or “soppressata”, depending on where we live. What’s so weird about it ?

  17. says

    In Cromer (UK sea-side town) I once saw a butcher’s shop with a sign about their sausages being made from ‘happy pigs’…(I’m sure it was ‘from’ not ‘by’)

  18. Athywren - not the moon you're looking for says

    I would like to register my dismay at having read beyond the fold.

  19. jazzlet says

    If you are going to eat meat you should eat as much of the animal it came from as possible, anything else is both disrepectful and wasteful. That rolled pig looks good to me, I’d want the liver quickly fried with paprika and the kidneys, oh maybe baked in a potato with the accompanying fat, luscious.

  20. Chakat Firepaw says

    @komarov #6

    So the main body text actually sounds like a realistic US meat advert at some point in history? Thank the gods I was never a student, prisoner or invalid in that country of yours.

    Actual comment about the food service at a US college:

    “I work for DAKA, I’m not on the meal plan. See the point?”

  21. chigau (違う) says

    vucodlak #16
    I don’t want to eat something that still has its face on the table.
    If you grind it up and put it in a pie, I’ll be fine.

  22. sillybill says

    Does anyone else think that the ‘4ft. by 36ft. roll’ looks like a roll of fiberglass insulation? The rolled up part especially.
    Definately a work of art either way.

  23. EigenSprocketUK says

    It’s only fire resistant while the roll still has the asbestos paper backing roll on both sides. Once you unroll and put in an oven over four hundred, it will light up like a villager’s torch outside Castle Dracula.