Do they also ban diet Coke?

The organization run by our coke-guzzling president has just banned Irn-Bru from their golf courses in Scotland, because, they say, it stains the carpets. It’s a lie. I’m pretty sure that it’s because its iron content — I understand it’s made by dissolving an entire medieval claymore into each bottle — makes the Scots unstoppable in any athletic competition, and we all know how much Trump hates to lose.

(I have drunk the stuff, and it’s OK — it’s got a distinctive and vaguely medicinal flavor. I recommend sticking to the whisky. It’s the top selling soft drink in Scotland, though, so this is kind of a rude order.)


  1. Dunc says

    I understand it’s made by dissolving an entire medieval claymore into each bottle

    Not quite. As any Scot of the appropriate vintage will tell you, it’s made from girders.

    I recommend sticking to the whisky.

    Irn-Bru is for the morning after a night on the whisky. It has miraculous restorative powers. Or at least, it did until they changed the recipe to avoid the “sugar tax”, by swapping some of the sugar for aspartame. It’s now “boggin'”, to use the vernacular. Caused quite an uproar, and I expect (and hope!) that it will end up being a “New Coke” kind of thing…

  2. cherbear says

    Oo! They used to sell the stuff in Cape Breton! I liked it, it vaguely reminded me of Dr. Pepper.

  3. davroslives says

    I feel like Irn Bru is a love it or hate it flavor… I drank it often when I lived in Scotland. Also, a local pub had Irn Bru and Whiskey drinks for 1.50GBP, so….

  4. says

    I wonder if the famous Church of Irn-Bru is still in existence: if they are, maybe they could get a religious exemption?

    I think Irn-Bru had problems with the EU at one point on the ridiculous grounds that it wasn’t brewed from iron (earlier comments notwithstanding).

  5. Zmidponk says

    I do not know if this was personally decided by Trump himself, but, given that Irn Bru is basically Scotland’s other national drink, the decision to ban it in his golf courses in Scotland shows all the insight and intelligence we have come to expect from him, so it would not surprise me to discover it was.

  6. richardgadsden says

    Trump banning something for being too orange is a sign that global irony reserves are very low.

  7. Sunday Afternoon says


    Aha – that’s the classic advert, complete with the Glasgow Kiss at the end! Thanks for digging that out.

  8. jrkrideau says

    @ 10 richardgadsden
    Trump banning something
    I believe it was his manager at the golf course not Trump. Given his dietary habits Trump probably travels with a couple of cases of it on Airforce 1.

    Still, this should ensure Trump receives a “warm” welcome if he ever gets to Scotland.

  9. Nentuaby says

    How sure are we that he didn’t just *look* at a case of the stuff and decide it was mocking him?

  10. mond says

    Very strange.
    Even McDonalds sell Irn Bru in their scottish branches.
    Pretty much anywhere that sells Coke also has Irn Bru.

  11. busterggi says

    At least they won’t be banning bed wetting due to urine stains in sheets.

    Those are acceptable.

  12. cnocspeireag says

    Trump bans Irn Bru for being too orange and possibly staining the carpets. I wonder if the Queen could use the same reasoning to keep The Donald from Balmoral if the planned state visit goes ahead?

  13. Holms says

    Irn-Bru has a distinction very few other drinks can claim – it is locally produced drink that outsells Coke and Pepsi.

  14. Dunc says

    Still, this should ensure Trump receives a “warm” welcome if he ever gets to Scotland.

    Oh, believe me, that was guaranteed long before this.

  15. KG says

    According to wikipedia, `”Cold iron” is historically believed to repel, contain, or harm ghosts, fairies, witches, and other malevolent supernatural creatures.’ So the organization is probably just being cautious, in case a cold iron solution repels a certain malevolent unnatural creature.

  16. Louis says

    I’m actually looking forward to Trump’s UK visit.

    The national pass time of “Taking The Chronic Piss”* is going to get an enormous workout. Banning Irn Bru (which stains everything. Especially one’s liver when combined with a double voddy), is going to be the latest in a long line of things he will be roundly mocked for.


    *Perhaps a poor choice of term when considering matters Trumpian. But hey, we were here first, and we took the piss (in the PROPER sense) way before the urolagnia loving-loving orange fascist was on the scene. Fuck him.

  17. says



    Well, I learned something new. The list of notable urophiliacs on the wiki page raised an eyebrow. Sometimes, I feel really naive. ;)

  18. unclefrogy says

    if he could renegotiate better terms like a much bigger % off the sale price that he gets he would probably rescind the ban. though he is supposed to be hands off on his businesses.
    uncle frogy

  19. chigau (違う) says

    re: Trump’s UK visit
    Do none of Trump’s posse watch BBC?
    In any of its manifestations?
    I need to stock-up on popcorn.

  20. Anselm Lingnau says

    The real reason they’re banning Irn-Bru at Trump’s golf courses in Scotland is that the only orange entity allowed there is Trump himself. Also, Irn-Bru is very popular in Russia, so perhaps Trump wants to avoid the suspicion of collusion.

    (Incidentally, Irn-Bru doesn’t actually contain appreciable quantities of iron, which is one of the reasons the manufacturer had to change the name away from “Barr’s Iron Brew”. The other main reason is that unlike “Iron Brew”, the “Irn-Bru” term could be trademarked.)

  21. says

    We hate Coca-Cola.
    We hate Fanta too,
    ‘Cos we’re frae Bonnie Scotland,
    And wee love Irn Bruuuuu.
    (Traditional Scottish football fan’s chant. One of the few that can be published in a family friendly comments section)

  22. morsgotha says

    Wait what? I thought only the English were allow to insult the scottish!

  23. tom hennessy says

    The Scots have what is called the Celtic Curse coursing through the population, iron overload, and Trump banning the stuff is the first smart thing Scotland has done in quite some time ..