A useful guide for spring accidents » « I guess I oppose them in everything

Hey! What happened to the usual jokes?

Usually, around this time of year, I get a battery of snickering Christians giggling over an old joke in my email: Did you know that the official atheist holiday is April Fools Day?

Those jokes all seem to have dried up this year. I wonder why?

Oh, well, they’ll probably back at it next year.

A useful guide for spring accidents » « I guess I oppose them in everything

Comments

  1. birgerjohansson says

    The fools are busy finding excuses for The Donald and his enablers in congress.
    Some of them probably envy Donald’s access to porn stars and beauty pageants.
    A few of them are presumably busy logging in to Rentboy.com
    The smarter fools are busy rewriting history, blaming the Donald presidency on the atheists and liberals.

  5. says

    Kind of loving this year’s conflation.

    “BOO! Ha ha ha, you should see the looks on your faces when you saw the empty tomb! Bow down and worship me because I’m the Son of God and ALSO the ULTIMATE PRANKMASTER!! Bahahah!
    “… say, where’s Judas?”

  7. emergence says

    The jokes never even made sense. April Fool’s Day is about pulling pranks, not about being stupid.

  8. slithey tove (twas brillig (stevem)) says

    “Heil to the Trump”, is on “45”s list to EO, since he prezidunce.
    —
    Next
    —
    Convergence of Easter on Fool’s Day is confuddling them into silence like *crickets*

  10. zaphodbeeblebrox says

    Here’s one for Easter: Jesus walks into a hotel, throws 4 nails on the desk and says “Can you put me up for the night?”

    “Thank you, Thank you, I’ll be appearing at the Punchline all week, twice on Thursdays, try the veal”

  12. davidc1 says

    Or as one of the Roman soldiers said .
    “Can you cross your legs jesus ,we only have one nail left “.
    See you all in hell.

  13. sundiver says

    And JC can’t have M&Ms anymore because they fall through the holes in his hands….I’ll see myself out.

  14. sundiver says

    What did the stoner say to Jesus when he dropped the cross? Duude, if you drop that again they’ll kick you out of the parade, man.

  15. blf says

    And just in time for the annual xian zombie attack, edition one thousand nine hundred something, Vatican to hold exorcist training course after rise in possessions:

    […]
    The Vatican is to hold a training course for priests in exorcism next month amid claims that demands for deliverance from demonic possession have greatly increased across the the world.

    The Vatican-backed International Association of Exorcists, which represents more than 200 Catholic, Anglican and Orthodox priests, said the increase represented a pastoral emergency.

    According to a priest from Sicily, the number of people in Italy claiming to be possessed had tripled to 500,000 a year, and an Irish priest has said demand for exorcisms has risen exponentially.

    Last year, the Christian thinktank [sic] Theos reported that exorcisms were a booming industry in the UK […].

    […]

    The fight against the evil one started at the origin of the world, and is destined to last until the end of the world, Fr Cesare Truqui, one of the [scheduled] speakers, told Vatican News.

    But today we are at a stage crucial in history: many Christians no longer believe in {the devil’s} existence, few exorcists are appointed and there are no more young priests willing to learn the doctrine and practice of liberation of souls.

    […]

    The shortage of clergy trained in exorcism has led to a growing number of independent operators in Europe, who will rid people and properties of demons for up to €500 a time, according to the Economist.

    Of course, saying something true which could really help the possibly ill victims is verboten, Vatican scrambles after pope appears to deny existence of hell:

    […]
    The Vatican has scrambled to clarify comments made by Pope Francis to a well-known Italian journalist that appeared to deny the existence of hell.

    […]

    [… La Repubblica founder Eugenio] Scalfari asked the pope where “bad souls” go, to which he was quoted as responding: “They are not punished. Those who repent obtain God’s forgiveness and take their place among the ranks of those who contemplate him, but those who do not repent and cannot be forgiven disappear. A hell doesn’t exist, the disappearance of sinning souls exists.”

    […]

    Have to keep those tithes, and exorcism fees, coming in. Chocolate bunny eggs not acceptable. Payment with young children at the back door only please (marked Staff Only), no receipts issued.

  16. birgerjohansson says

    I am possessed by adipose tissue.
    It refuses to go away no matter how many exsorcism rituals I do.
    I am also posessed by a desire to have the oligarchy meet M. Guilloutine. This desire grows as I see people keep making up excuses for the Donald and the odious Tories.