Usually, around this time of year, I get a battery of snickering Christians giggling over an old joke in my email: Did you know that the official atheist holiday is April Fools Day?
Those jokes all seem to have dried up this year. I wonder why?
Oh, well, they’ll probably back at it next year.
The fools are busy finding excuses for The Donald and his enablers in congress.
Some of them probably envy Donald’s access to porn stars and beauty pageants.
A few of them are presumably busy logging in to Rentboy.com
The smarter fools are busy rewriting history, blaming the Donald presidency on the atheists and liberals.
I will compensate with some British stuff from The Daily Mash:
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“Utter bellends reminded that being a Nazi not actually patriotic” http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/war/utter-bellends-reminded-that-being-a-nazi-not-actually-patriotic-20170906135207
“British economy doing brilliantly if you compare it to 28 Days Later, says Hammond”
“Neighbour celebrates 10 years of hammering the shit out of something”
…also, this should replace ”Hail to the Chief” https://bit.ly/1Dvzx3r Hail Spanky!
(WTF, if the fundies are backing off, I am totally stealing their space!)
“I was up a f**king cross, not drinking prosecco from Waitrose”, says Jesus http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/i-was-up-a-fking-cross-not-drinking-prosecco-from-waitrose-says-jesus-20180329146573
“Man Who Never Missed ‘Ally McBeal’ Back In The Day Joins Trump Legal Team”
Kind of loving this year’s conflation.
“BOO! Ha ha ha, you should see the looks on your faces when you saw the empty tomb! Bow down and worship me because I’m the Son of God and ALSO the ULTIMATE PRANKMASTER!! Bahahah!
“… say, where’s Judas?”
I’m surprised there’s no cries of Christian persecution.
The jokes never even made sense. April Fool’s Day is about pulling pranks, not about being stupid.
“Heil to the Trump”, is on “45”s list to EO, since he prezidunce.
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Next
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Convergence of Easter on Fool’s Day is confuddling them into silence like *crickets*
I blame Gabriel. Tricksters, you know…
Here’s one for Easter: Jesus walks into a hotel, throws 4 nails on the desk and says “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Thank you, Thank you, I’ll be appearing at the Punchline all week, twice on Thursdays, try the veal”
Easter is cancelled. They found the body.
Or as one of the Roman soldiers said .
“Can you cross your legs jesus ,we only have one nail left “.
See you all in hell.
And JC can’t have M&Ms anymore because they fall through the holes in his hands….I’ll see myself out.
What did the stoner say to Jesus when he dropped the cross? Duude, if you drop that again they’ll kick you out of the parade, man.
And just in time for the annual xian zombie attack, edition one thousand nine hundred something, Vatican to hold exorcist training course after :
Of course, saying something true which could really help the possibly ill victims is verboten, Vatican scrambles after pope appears to deny existence of hell:
Have to keep those tithes, and exorcism fees, coming in. Chocolate bunny eggs not acceptable. Payment with young children at the back door only please (marked Staff Only), no receipts issued.
I am possessed by adipose tissue.
It refuses to go away no matter how many exsorcism rituals I do.
I am also posessed by a desire to have the oligarchy meet M. Guilloutine. This desire grows as I see people keep making up excuses for the Donald and the odious Tories.