I have whisky

My wife is watching the returns. I have headphones on with the music turned up loud. I have logged out of twitter. I am sipping whisky. I think I’ll work on my cell biology exam. I might occasionally glance up at the TV to flip the bird at Wolf Blitzer.

You cannot imagine how much I detest election night.

It’s everything I despise about media coverage of the election. It’s the horserace mentality writ minute — we’re going to examine every hoofbeat with a microscope, with airheaded babblers reading omens in every county as every percentage point dribbles in, and I fucking don’t care. Policies and consequences get shoved even further away from the news. Shut up, publish the final tallies tomorrow.

Do not mention the name Nate Silver to me. He’s the worst for putting pointless statistics high on the shrine of public regard.

The whisky will help me get through this.


  1. gmacs says

    Gin, Shiraz. Also a bottle of sparkling grape juice for if McMullin wins Utah, because why the hell not?

  2. wzrd1 says

    Our television is on, set to BBC America, which is assiduously avoiding things political.
    That said, what is on is CSI, home of the 10 minute DNA test…

    Normally, that’d be sufficient to send me to the whiskey bottle, but alas, I forgot to pick some up on the way home from the poll.
    So, I’ll go back to old reliable – a book.

  3. taraskan says

    I made the decision not to drink tonight, but I am running out of other things to do. And since you mention it, yes, the only thing those polling sites care about, and which they report with such enthusiasm, is whether something “proves” their favorite modeling procedure. Waste of a good geek.

    Now someone figure out a way to apply scientific notation to quotation marks, so we don’t have to write out the appropriate amount.

  4. randall says

    Content. They’re always jabbering about needing content. What a cheapjack way of getting roughly free programming for an entire evening.

  5. magistramarla says

    White wine here. I had take a break from election returns, so I’m watching a couple of cooking shows.

  6. rayceeya says

    Yellow Tail Cab Sav straight from the bottle for me tonight. Mystery Science Theater on the screen and Kerbal Space Program n the laptop.

  7. wzrd1 says

    @#10, as I’m partial to either a good Canadian blend or Irish Whiskey, well, they’re both whiskey. :)
    For the latter, I am most partial to Black Bush Irish whiskey, not as sweet as other brands and exceptionally smooth. Smooth enough to sneak up on you if you don’t count your drinks.

  8. wzrd1 says

    @rayceeya, thanks for jogging my memory. Wine added to the shopping list.
    I wanted to make a white wine reduction the other night and my supply seems to have been depleted by our house guests. :/

    When it comes to cooking wine, if it isn’t good enough to drink, it’s not good enough to cook with.

  9. chigau (ever-elliptical) says

    I’m an hour away from rum.
    on another topic
    My friends’ quest for the ideal family dog resulted in a cat.

  10. lakitha tolbert says

    Well, I can’t drink as I have no liquor in the house and I’m a teetotaler to boot. So all those who can, feel free to pour libations in my honor, and get drunk on my behalf. Right now, I’m knitting and watching comedies.

    Animal Planet is playing back to back episodes of puppies and kittens, and the Weather Channel is playing mountain streams and meadows and calling it Escape the Election. It’s very soothing.

  11. Vivec says

    I’m down to beer #6 of the evening and it appears to have calmed me to the point that I am not actively contemplating eating a gun.

  12. DanDare says

    I’ve been writing lots of articles about how to build low prep Traveller campaigns. On Saturday I’m GMing some Call of Cthulhu and watching some horror movies.

  13. Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach says

    Civilization 6 and craft beer for me. If the world’s going to hell, I’m going to be the one launching the nukes.

  14. robro says

    I would drink if there was something in the house to drink. Unfortunately all the alcohol had to go away a few months ago because it does mix well with psychosis. Maybe a Xanax.

  15. Holms says

    Karolinens Bon by Sabaton has really taken my attention lately, and serves quite well for forgetting about the bullshit going on at the moment.

    Is Civ VI much of a different game to V? I’ve heard of some of the differences, and it doesn’t seem like as much of a change as going from IV to V was. Nor III to IV and II to III for that matter.

  16. says

    So, I’ve been a teetotaler all my life. At the moment, it’s looking like I’m going to wind up changing that. Any recommendations on what my poison should be?

  17. Dave, ex-Kwisatz Haderach says

    #31, Holms

    The biggest change I’ve really noticed is to cities. Specialty districts for commerce, or research type structures take up a tile now, as do wonders. Makes it harder to have jack-of-all trades cities, everything needs to be specialized.

    Really though, its not that much different from V. Everything else seems to be minor changes, nothing that really stands out. I’m a dirty dirty thief and I pirated a copy to see if it’s worth buying, I won’t be getting it until I see a really nice Steam sale.

  18. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    So, I’ve been a teetotaler all my life. At the moment, it’s looking like I’m going to wind up changing that. Any recommendations on what my poison should be?

    Anything over 12% which has the words “imperial” and “stout” on the label.

  19. Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y says

    There’s gotta be some way to email every Stein voter and every nonvoter every time someone preventably dies, going forward.

    The Repigfuckans will just jerk off to the emails if they get them.

  20. unclefrogy says

    does or does not in that usage seems to have the same meaning as hinting to the same outcome.
    I do not have anything around here either any more. it don’t help me at all.

    uncle frogy

  21. chigau (ever-elliptical) says

    Bronze Dog #32
    Any distilled beverage. Skip that wimpy brewed beer/wine business.
    Go for distilled.
    Start with high dilutions and work down.

  22. says

    Pascal’s Pager@#38:
    Is this shit really happening? I have two young kids. What do I tell them?

    Start by telling them not to trust politicians or governments, because they are all corrupt and will turn on you with little warning, for no reason, at any time.

  23. Pascal's Pager says

    It’s over. We elected the pussy grabber. Thanks America, I am genuinely frustrated that I am pursuing a degree when I am, today, proven to be smarter than most Americans.

  24. methuseus says

    @ Bronze Dog #32
    I would say that drinking won’t necessarily help anything and may just make you even more morose, possibly even sick. I would recommend marijuana if you are in a state where it is legal.

    If you just want to dull the pain vodka with your favorite juice or other strong-flavored drink is an easy way to start. Beer may not be a good starting point, though wine can be quite easy on the palate as well.

  25. Saganite, a haunter of demons says

    Huh. It’s not completely done yet, but it looks like it’s pretty much decided, yes. I’m saddened for the US, but also the world, because this will have consequences far beyond their borders. As for his supporters they’re cheering now, but many of them will suffer immensely under him especially because of his trickle-down economic plans further stalling the economy. Not to mention the many marginalized people who will suffer more directly at his and his supporters’ hands. :-(

  26. zibble says

    @32 Bronze Dog
    Wheat beers are probably the easiest to drink for non-drinkers. They’re sweet and have very little of the bitter beer taste that tends to deter people who haven’t developed a taste for it. Blue Moon is very, very easy to down.

    For harder stuff, Amaretto is a sweet almond liqueur that don’t taste much like alcohol. It mixes very pleasingly with Coke. Cointreau has a stronger taste, but it’s good if you like the taste of oranges.

    1 part Baileys and 1 part kahlua makes a shot that looks like a tiny glass of guiness and tastes like ice cream.

  27. Gregory Greenwood says

    Forgive my french, but what the actual fuck America? Him, seriously? Jebus, and I had hoped Brexit would be the stupidest political decision the world would see this year. It just goes to show, you don’t need intellect, ability, political experience or even a general stance against the sexual assault of women in order to become POTUS – it seems all you need is money, bombast and lies.

    Like Bronze Dog, I am a teetotaler, but right now I kind of wish I wasn’t. With Trump the President-Elect, I fear for the future of humanity.

  28. Gregory Greenwood says

    Saad @ 14;

    I’m enjoying some Titanfall 2 multiplayer.

    Giant mech suits being used to blow large quantities of (virtual) stuff up sounds quite therapeutic right now.

  29. Zeppelin says

    Bronze Dog #32

    If you’re drinking to forget (as I intend to tonight) I recommend half-and-half vodka and apple juice, very cold.

  30. MHiggo says

    I’m heartened to see there are other teetotalers in the crowd and some, like me, are wondering whether it’s an opportune time to hop off the wagon. Alas, the strongest things in my tiny apartment are cooking sake and Coke Zero.

    I’m seriously considering getting Civilization 6 as an early Christmas present, too. Nothing like retail therapy to dull the senses….

  31. methuseus says

    My personal coping mechanism currently is a bit of brandy, a bit of rum, and Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Musicals just make me feel good, and the subject matter is extremely cathartic.

  32. ledasmom says

    I got drunkish last night, for the first time in my life. Didn’t help. Sober now. Doesn’t help. Listening to the ten-hour version of “Taking the Hobbits To Isengard”. Doesn’t help, but entertaining. Thinking of switching to ten-hour version of “Where There’s a Whip There’s a Way”. Won’t help but fuck it.
    Massachusetts just legalized pot, which may help with the next four years, but not enough.

  33. gijoel says

    My estranged father died on Monday, and I have spent the last couple of days orgainsing his funeral with his brother. Fuck this week.

  34. Menyambal says

    Ledasmom, thanks for reminding me of those songs.

    I was bingeing on Archer episodes, and checking in at Slacktivist.

    Vodka, Irish, tequila, wine, and beer, all in the house, but I stayed teetotal for now.

  35. Saad says

    Gregory Greenwood, #45

    Giant mech suits being used to blow large quantities of (virtual) stuff up sounds quite therapeutic right now.

    I like that they can punch things.

  36. Bilb Ono says

    Woooo! Who else here is glad America will actually be great again? I’m headed to the southern border to help build the wall.

  37. Saganite, a haunter of demons says

    I better plan my next vacation to the US so I can see a few more of the national parks before they’re sold for logging and mining and whatnot.

  38. opposablethumbs says

    Dear USAnian Pharyngulites I am so godsdamned sorry. I too thought that Brexit was going to be the biggest domestic political clusterfuck of the year.

    You just had to outshine us again, huh.

    But ha, maybe we still win the clusterfuck crown – the USA have only shot yourselves in the head for a 4-year term; we’ve done it possibly permanently! /cold comfort, very cold comfort, no damn comfort at all really/

  39. machintelligence says

    When you’re young, occasionally you have a bad day.
    When you’re old, you occasionally have a good day.
    This hasn’t been one of them.

  40. Sakura No Seirei, Knight of the Order of the Glittry Hoo Ha says

    Usually it’s times like these I wish I could drink. This result means that for the sake of my liver that I’m actually glad that I can’t.

  41. vanitysfriend says

    Long time lurker, first time poster…

    Wow, after all that, he got in, in 2016, that’s what america chose, and he got the house and the senate too…

    I don’t drink, but if anyone invites me to the pub or something over the next week or so to commiserate, I might just accept it…

    #31, Holms.
    Civ 6 is ok, I’d maybe wait till the first patch comes out before u buy and fire up Civ 4 instead. I think the underlying mechanics of IV are still better than the underlying mechanics of VI, but it’s still better than V.

    PS There’s a mistake in my username, who do I have to beg to get the r removed, I’m a fiend, not a friend…

  42. birgerjohansson says

    “Relieved Britain no longer biggest f**k-up of 2016” http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/relieved-britain-no-longer-biggest-fk-up-of-2016-20161109116771
    — — — — — — —
    Something positive.
    Below are a couple of good medical news items. They may seem boring, but anything that improves the chances to “hack” Alzheimer’s disease is good news.

    Abnormal brain protein may contribute to Alzheimer’s disease development http://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-09-abnormal-brain-protein-contribute-alzheimer.html -A pathologic protein called TDP-43.

    Mitochondria may be source of Alzheimer’s http://medicalxpress.com/news/2016-11-power-outage-brain-source-alzheimer.html
    -And these discoveries have been made by those librul academics Drumpf hates so much.

  43. says

    Midnight Moon with Cherries. Yes, moonshine with real cherries. Straight out of the damn jar. Fuck it! Congratulations America, we’re fucking idiots. The moonshine is good though.

  44. Ragutis says

    2 bottles of Grenache have been of no help. I guess that bottle of Mumm’s will have to wait for New Year’s or an uptick in my lovelife.. Luckily, 2 more states legalized recreational marijuana tonight. Gives me and my liver a couple of more options to help make it through the next 4 years.

  45. birgerjohansson says

    I do not usually touch barbiturates, This morning, as I woke up to the news, I lndulged myself before going to work.
    Eight months ago I woke up to a phone call from hospital, telling me my mother had suffered a cardiac arrest and was expected to die soon. I arrived to late. With exception for that morning, this has been the worst day for a decade.
    — — — — —
    OT: Here is a cheerful tale, told by a biologist: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/the-grasshopper-and-the-ants

  46. says

    There is probably not enough booze in the world to get me through a Trump presidency—with a Republican Congress and right-wing Supreme Court, no less. But I intend to find out.

  47. Sastra says

    Forget booze. Forget drugs.

    I’m going to spend the day jacked up on heavy doses of Pinterest.

    I will create a new board and call it “CUTE.” And I will search for pins. Yes. Using the search term “cute.” I will do that, because now is the time.

    I can’t quite take in how much this fucking sucks. “President Trump.”

    Okay. Bye. I need a gif of a kitten hugging a bunny or some shit like that, now. Seriously.

  48. rietpluim says

    Aberlour. I love Aberlour. Caol Ila is nice too.

    But please don’t drink it as an aid to cope with a fucked up world. That would be an insult to the King o’ Drinks and to the craftsmanship of the people who made it.

    To all decent Americans out there: my sympathies.

    Having a cup of coffee now.

  49. What a Maroon, living up to the 'nym says

    FTB was asking me to prove my humanity. As a white US male, I’m not sure I can do that.

    I’m sorry, world. We fucked up royally and there’s no way we can keep the stench confined to our side of the wall.

  50. jrkrideau says

    So, the Immigration Canada site, cic.gc.ca, has crashed

    Still seems down at 07:55 EST 2016-11-9. Luckily I downloaded everything I needed last week.

  51. congenital cynic says

    So, PZ, I have a couple of consecrated hosts that were smuggled out of a mass a few days ago. Any suggestions as to what to do with them? Want to do a crackergate 2.0?

  52. Tetrarch says

    I put myself in a 36 hour no-news media bubble starting Monday evening. My colleagues told me the news this morn.
    November 8 was the anniversary of my father’s death (a time when everyone here was very comforting).
    Today is the anniversary of Kristallnicht.
    I fear for the future.

  53. Saganite, a haunter of demons says

    Today is the anniversary of Kristallnacht.

    Well, he already anounced he’d send out brown-shirts of sorts to go door to door and deport all them illegals. That said, today is also the anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. Hope springs eternal.

  54. Gregory Greenwood says

    Azkyroth, B*Cos[F(u)]==Y @ 46:

    Facts not in evidence.

    Agreed – assuming humanity has a future at all may well be somewhat rash given the circumstances…


    Saad @ 54;

    I like that they can punch things.

    Giant mech suits that can punch things? You know what – screw it, I think I might get myself a copy and join you punching things will big simulated metal fists. It sounds nice and cathartic.

  55. wzrd1 says

    But please don’t drink it as an aid to cope with a fucked up world. That would be an insult to the King o’ Drinks and to the craftsmanship of the people who made it.</blockquote?
    That's why they make 190 Everclear. No craftsmanship involved, just basic distillation and plumbing. ;)

    @congenital cynic #75, as a cradle catholic, especially one in a rather foul mood today and one who happens to be simultaneously out of booze, money and toilet paper, I'd happily use those hosts to wipe my ass. The only question is, should it be in 3D and with Dolby Surround Sound…
    Hey, what's the RCC to do? Excommunicate the guy who cursed a priest in his own church? ;)

  56. mrcharlie says

    Monday I got the news that after more than 34 years at my company, my position was eliminated due to restructuring apparently caused by the sale of the division I work in. I’d hoped to console myself last night with good news, instead I felt like my knees had been cut off and I experienced a panic attack instead. At least that’s what the symptom cluster of tachycardia, spiking blood pressure, and nausea seem to indicate. Then I turned off the news.

    I was close to retirement, now who knows.

    I don’t have to wear shades, the future is not bright.

  57. wzrd1 says

    Agreed – assuming humanity has a future at all may well be somewhat rash given the circumstances…

    Sounds like a job for Special Circumstances.

    @mrcharlie #80, that’s lousy news! Hoping for the best for you.
    As near as I’ve calculated, I won’t be able to retire in a decade, it’ll have to wait until I have enough in the 401k to not starve to death. That means, I should be able to retire when I’m around 450 years old or so…