The latest bit of casual Star Wars stupidity is the dearth of merchandise featuring the central woman character Rey — in particular, that she’s left out of Hasbro’s Star Wars Monopoly game. I agree that it’s indicative of this damned dumb unthinking sexism, and it’s dismaying every time it happens, but…there are collisions of multiple problems here.
It’s merchandising. Somebody slaps the word “Star Wars” on something, and people rush to buy it? Why? It’s the same terrible game as the version with Atlantic City properties on it, putting a different cosmetic face on it doesn’t make it better.
And that’s the thing. It’s fucking Monopoly, one of the worst board games ever. People who play it are made more awful by the experience; it’s interminable and boring; its moral lessons are contemptible and repugnant. And lately Hasbro has been making a mint by taking the same rules, the same terrible premise, and the same dreary play and remarketing it with different names slapped on the same old wretched properties. Why not dredge up the worst games of the past and put a Star Wars sticker on ’em? Star Wars Snakes and Ladders. Star Wars Tic-Tac-Toe. Star Wars War. Don’t even need to put a moment’s thought into them, keep the same bad mechanics, just add pictures of Star Wars characters (males only, mind you) and make money from the mindless.
You don’t even need to respect your customers. Look at Hasbro’s excuse for not including Rey:
The Star Wars: Monopoly game was released in September, months before the movie’s release,the statement reads.Rey was not included to avoid revealing a key plot line that she takes on Kylo Ren and joins the Rebel Alliance.
All right then. It’s settled. Anyone who was concerned that Star Wars Monopoly might include spoilers is not only thick as triple-distilled sewage sludge, Hasbro knows it and is happy to sell you crap. It’s MONOPOLY. You move around a board and buy things. It has nothing to do with the plot of the movie. Traditionally, it was sold with random geegaws as markers, rather than plastic models of Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. Was anyone worried that the original game would reveal that thimbles were all actually capitalist stooges, or that little dogs had designs on stealing Park Place away from you?
Also, right there in their press release: Rey
takes on Kylo Ren and joins the Rebel Alliance? Dude. Spoilers. You just ruined the whole movie for those who haven’t seen it yet by revealing ridiculously broad plot points. All including a Rey figure would have revealed is that there is a woman in the story — which is a little shocking, I know — and that she’s got a lot of credits she’s going to use to buy planets in the galaxy.
Daisy Ridley ought to be honored that Hasbro left a representation of her character out of that steaming pile of shit.
And please…just don’t buy Monopoly anymore. Please.