I read on Jezebel that Susan Miller is sick. I had no idea who Susan Miller is until I read the article, and then I was aghast on multiple levels.
Susan Miller is the unrivaled Queen of Astrology. She is known for her affable delivery, her reverence in the world of fashion and, most importantly, her accurate horoscope forecasts which she publishes monthly to her site Astrologyzone.com.
Miller’s monthly forecasts—generating 6.5 million unique monthly visitors—are released on the first of each month as her readers anxiously wait to see, they believe, what their future holds and to use the readings to help guide their real life decisions. Her fans are devoted and some might even say rabid. Many readers will begin to panic if an updated forecast isn’t published on AstrologyZone on the first of the month. If such a horror occurs, the anxiety only increases as the horoscope-less days tick away.
Her…accurate…astrological forecasts? Tell me Jezebel was being sarcastic here. I was sure no hard-headed angry feminist site could possibly buy into that bullshit, but I was wrong. It’s totally credulous. Not a word of doubt. The author claims that she’s just reporting what other people think of her, but does Jezebel normally write about other scam artists in a non-judgmental way? I don’t think so.
The bulk of the article is about her fanatical fans, who are freaking out over the tardiness of their horoscopes, because Miller is apparently very, very sick. They apparently rely on Miller’s prescriptions in order to function, and when they don’t get them, they lash out angrily, blaming her for their neediness. It’s ugly on their side, but let’s not forget that Miller herself (with all sympathy for the physical side of her illness) has built a career on lying to people, and that she churns out drivel on demand for pay, and makes shit up.
Oh, wait, Jezebel is going to ignore that.
Her illness seems to be the primary reason Miller has been unable to deliver her forecasts. However, whether Miller is sick or not, the horoscopes in and of themselves are enormous undertakings. (She also contributes columns to ten international fashion magazines on top of the work published to her site.) Miller says that each individual forecast is about 3,500 words long, which ends up being around 42,000-48,00 words total. That results in 430,000 words per year.
Jon Methven at The Atlantic helps frame the magnitude of the numbers:
To put that in perspective, 430,000 words is equivalent (in sheer volume) to writing Ulysses and Lolita in the same year; or spending the year penning Slaughterhouse-Five, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, and Middlemarch; or writing the first four Harry Potter books; or putting together nearly all of War and Peace.
Ugh. Now that is an invidious comparison. No, she is not exercising creativity or talent; she’s slapping together a series of formulaic pronouncements from an arcane set of astronomical numbers; she is making authoritative pronouncements about people’s lives on the basis of inappropriate data spat out of a computer. Do not compare her to Vonnegut or Twain or Tolstoy or even Rowling. Her gift seems to be loquaciousness, an ability to babble on in the absence of meaning or sense.
Oh, but she claims it’s science.
“I am getting my information from NASA, doing math and geometry, and I know how to interpret the results. It is not that I make up my forecasts, so I never have writer’s block,” Miller explains. “Readers don’t understand that my IT team doesn’t work just for me. They have their own business and service many clients. I finished close to on time, but it was the Fourth of July weekend and my team was off with their families.”
She looks at numerical relationships between the planets and stars, and then
interprets them…but she’s not making up her forecasts, oh no. So let’s test that. I looked up my horoscope for October. Here is a small part of it (a fraction — she really does go on and on).
This will be a busy month, for it holds two eclipses, and eclipses are important to note, for they are the most dramatic way the universe creates quick progress. The last pair of eclipses (they always come in pairs) arrived on April 15 and April 28, and both were surrounded with extremely tough aspects so back in April, I named them monster eclipses. Although I cannot see all the unique planetary placements and aspects in your chart from where I sit, I will say that you should surely find the new eclipses in October to be easier and friendlier than the April eclipses.
Before I tell you about the eclipses, I need to mention that Mercury will be retrograde from October 4 to October 26, not a time to make key decisions or actions. Mercury will be spending the lion’s share of its time in your eighth house of other people’s money. Take things slow, for this is a month to observe and wait, not push forward on any front. To rush would be to be out of sync with the universe. Do not buy any electronics until November – not a car, not a computer or a kitchen appliance – for later you have a high likelihood of regretting your purchase. If you plan to close on a house, move the date to next month, but when you do, avoid tough day November 12.
Because Mercury will be sliding backward in a financial house, you may find that commission, licensing fees, child support, an unemployment check, as four examples, may be held up, so you may need to have contingency plans. The environment will be changing rapidly although you won’t have any evidence that it is just yet. This is a truth you will get to see in time, in hindsight. The priorities you have now in place will change, and that will affect your purchases too. Sit tight and keep reassessing your upcoming decisions and assumptions. I feel almost all emotional suffering that is encountered in life is due to misguided assumptions and expectations. Sharpen those and make sure they are accurate, and you instantly will have a happier life.
First note that everyone born between 19 February and 20 March of any year gets exactly the same horoscope — so the baby born in 2013 and the octagenarian born in the 1930s are all getting the same suggestion to avoid buying a new car. We’re all supposedly having financial difficulties this month (nope, not me — I’m not rich, but I live inexpensively and have a stable income). To argue that someone making an expensive purchase at any time might later have second thoughts is pretty much a no-brainer, a perfectly safe prediction that you can tell anyone anytime.
I am unimpressed. But there are also some predictions for specific days imbedded in there, and since it is now 6 October, I can see how well they match.
October 4 could be a very positive, exciting, and unexpectedly positive day for your career. Money would accompany the prestigious work you’d do, thanks to Mars in perfect sync with Uranus.
That was Saturday. I got up early. I got some writing done over the course of the day, and I updated my grade book with some extra credit stuff some students had handed in. I read a paper on abiogenesis, and quite enjoyed it. I have no illusions that the work I do is prestigious (I was also wondering what prestigious activities the aforementioned hypothetical seven-month old was up to), and mostly what I faced on getting up was a lot of hate mail. No money accompanied any of it, darn it. There were no interesting career developments, either — I’m just plugging along.
I usually avoid this crap, but every once in a while, I run across these signs that the American public is jam-packed with gullible fools — that not only are there people who actually believe astrology works, but there are also surrounding swarms who stay silent so they can reap the profits of the frauds.