1. dianne says

    To me, it looks a bit like I’ve always pictured Treebeard. That probably says something unfortunate about my subconscious.

  2. 'Tis Himself says

    It looks like a dead ray to me. But then I’ve seen both live and dead rays before.

  3. Brownian says

    It looks like a dead ray to me. But then I’ve seen both live and dead rays before.

    Obviously, you’re not looking at it through your Jesus-shaped pupils.

  4. says


    Jesus Ray! Now there’s an idea for a B movie!

    Great. Now I’m imagining JTHM* shooting Jesus rays out of his eyes instead of lasers.

    *Johnny The Homicidal Maniac.

  5. Marcus Hill says

    I’m with dianne – I had to look again to get the facial pareidoilia, but my first thought was also Treebeard.

  6. Randomfactor says

    Tommy Chong.

    (I was all excited since I first read that as a “death ray” she’d found washed up on the beach. Man, would I have uses for one of THOSE…)

  7. says

    To be fair to the woman who found it, she just thought it looked like a bearded hobo. But, as I pointed out, the first rule of Christian pareidolia is that any vaguely person-shaped thing is obviously Jesus.

  8. rakatosh says

    I bet it also smelled like Jesus. If it looks like a jesus and smells like a jesus… How can you explain that unless this is Jesus?

  9. autumn says

    And the body was taken down off of the cross and brought to the tomb. There they did wash Him and anoint Him with perfumes. Verily did they then wrap His face in a dead stingray.

  10. Blattafrax says

    Yeah, I see it. He’s doing his Frankie Howerd impression – very popular in Palestine in the 0th century and particularly amenable to the medium of dead fish skin.

  11. Sili says

    The forked beardy thing does make it look kinda like an Eastern icon.

    Meaning of course that Western Catholic Church was indeed wrong in the Great Schism, while Eastern Orthodoxy is the one true Christianity. Nice to get that settled once and for all.

  12. Randomfactor says

    How can you explain that unless this is Jesus?

    “Can’t believe it’s not Jesus…”

    (Can you tell by the taste?)

  13. Dick the Damned says

    Is that woman stupid or blind? Can’t she see it’s mud, not water? And rays don’t walk, anyway.

  14. Antiochus Epiphanes says

    She claims it looks like Jesus (how would she know?).

    She’s seen the toast. Duh.


    That’s not Jesus. That’s Chuck Norris.

    I drove by his ranch in Navasota, Texas today. Navasota is a little more upscale than I expected.

  15. twist says

    If I squint, I can see a rather elongated face. Someone’s been fiddling with the lord’s aspect ratio again.

  16. Randomfactor says

    Someone’s been fiddling with the lord’s aspect ratio again.

    Wish they’d turn up the brightness on his followers instead.

  17. says

    Verily did they then wrap His face in a dead stingray.

    And it was a miracle they found one in the desert! A bonafide mirakul!

    It was left behind by the Great Flood, after all the water went…wherever the hell it went.

  18. Tony says

    It took me a moment, but I *think* I see where Jesus is. Wow. Pareidolia much? Hmm, where else do people see Jebus?


    Pentatomid @6:

    Jesus Ray! Now there’s an idea for a B movie!

    -Sounds great. Let’s toss in some extraterrestrial murderous clowns and a few oversized killer tomatoes and this could be a fun B movie (would there be room for a certain Toxic Avenger or should we wait for the sequel?)

  19. Tony says

    ogremeister @33:

    Funny, I see JC, too. But it’s more of a cartoony version, like Buddy Christ. And he has a bruised eye.

    -Well, his face did get smooshed to fit onto a stingray, so he got lucky with only a bruised eye. I wonder if the Vatican will confiscate the ray, embalm it, stuff it, and mount it next to the shroud of turin…

  20. Tony says

    My apologies. I thought I was being helpful in showing a clear separation between the post I’m quoting and my response.

  21. michaelswanson says

    I second Ron Perlman.

    For a being that is infinitely powered, any action that you can imagine is finite, and would therefore take infinitely small effort to do. Yet God chooses to show up not in rainbows or on the surface of the sun or even where people can actually just see the fucker and say hi, but on toast, dog’s asses, water stains or dead animals. She didn’t see the face of the Lord on a ray as it swam through majestic beams of light under the sea, she saw him on its rotting corpse!

  22. crissakentavr says

    Why would you care if someone bolded something? It’s not like they drooled bold all over your comment…

  23. woolonwire says

    Ray wing with black butter sauce, and a nice fennel/orange salad.

    Chust the thing for Passover Eostre celabratory Spring lunch

  24. hiho2go says

    That’s not jesus, that’s John Lennon, The Bearded Years, complete with wire-rimmed spectacles.

    Or its a dead ray…

  25. Jamie says

    It took me a while to see the “face,” but it doesn’t look like any Jesuses I’ve ever seen. The face looks way too long to even be considered human. Have to agree with Markita Lynda @48: “Only if Jesus had the world’s most cleft chin and also a penis for a nose.”

    I bet if there was someone or something that looked like the what Jesus was based on (a Jewish man living in the first century), no Christians would “recognize” him/it. (Wasn’t there something that NatGeo put out some time ago that used some kind of technology to create a 3D picture of Jesus’s face?) It’s only because of the works of arts that imagined how he looked that people come to recognize as Jesus. Wouldn’t it be funny if this image came to be used in the future as the face of “Jesus” though?

  26. Ogvorbis (no relation to the Ogg family) says

    I was all excited since I first read that as a “death ray”

    More like a “stupid ray.”

    Far more destructive.

  27. Eric R says

    Only if Jesus had the world’s most cleft chin and also a penis for a nose

    Given the evidence for Jesus’ existance in the first place, I’m not about to rule out the possibility that if he did exist he had the world’s most cleft chin and also a penis for a nose.

  28. wholething says

    Crikey! That’s the ray that killed Steve Irwin!

    It was so distraught afterward it invited Jesus into its heart. There wasn’t enough room in the two-chambered heart so he lived on its back instead.

    No, wait. That’s the mirror image of Osama bin Laden. When they dumped his body overboard, his face hit the back of the ray and left that tattoo.

    No, wait. It’s the Ray of Turin.

  29. wholething says

    Only if Jesus had the world’s most cleft chin and also a penis for a nose

    Did he have to get his nose circumsized, too?

  30. robro says

    Jimmy Carl Black, late 60s, while playing for the Mothers. I guess he came back as a dead ray. Now tell me, where is my waitress?

  31. xenithrys says

    Who are we to criticize her if thinking that’s Jesus gives her some ray comfort?

  32. jamessweet says

    I like how she originally thought it just looked like a bearded homeless guy, until her friends were like, “Nope: Jesus!” heh…

  33. says

    Some people have only set their pattern recognition skills to Jeebus mode. No wonder they think God is everywhere. Everything looks like Jeebus. Including the booger I just picked out of my nose.

  34. A. R says

    Looks more like a stereotypical hippie to me. But you know, sophisticated theology and all.

  35. gmacs says

    That’s not Jesus.

    He doesn’t look a thing like Jeeeesuuuuus,
    But he
    Talks like a gentleray

  36. Janine: History’s Greatest Monster says

    Jesus Ray. Is that a song by the Velvet Underground?

    Duck and Sally inside
    They’re cooking for the down five
    Who’re staring at Miss Rayon
    Who’s busy licking up her big man
    I’m searching for my mainline
    I said I couldn’t hit it sideways
    I said I couldn’t hit it sideways
    Ah, it’s just like Jesus Ray says

  37. says

    I’m seeing George Harrison.

    If that was a jesusray, though, that’d explain why it’s dead. Walking on water is probably more of a bug than a feature to marine life.

  38. peterb. says

    Aaarrrgghh! Ahoy thar me hearties.

    That not be little Jimmy Jeebus now, that thar be me ol’ Cap’n Davy Jones afor ‘ee wuz cursed. I’d knows him anywhars. He’s even wearin’ ‘is fav-o-rite three-corner. A rem-aaahhh-kable likeness that be now, me kippers.

  39. StevoR says

    @alttaawiil says:

    amazing rays
    how sweet the sound…

    Ok, I’m going to run swim with that ‘un :

    Ahhhh-mazin’ rays
    How sweet the smell
    That washed up dead on a beeeach
    I once swam wild but now am bloated
    And perhaps shall be coooked for tea!

  40. StevoR says

    @Zinc Avenger – 5th April 2012 at 7:27 pm:

    @asidity, #53: Funny, I thought it looked a whole lot more like Count Dooku in his animated Clone Wars incarnation.

    Da! Definitely Dooku!

  41. gr8cthulhu says

    Yep, this bugs me … My Savior was obviously Afritic or Arabic in origin, so to assume that shades on the back of a ray might resemble a Caucasian, and therefor “religious” image, is a bit insulting. Just saying.

  42. pipenta says

    Aw, doesn’t anyone feel bad about the poor little ray? It looks to be a cownosed ray and ever so much prettier than a stingray. They are such graceful swimmers. Seems disrespectful to impose an ugly human face over the elegant morphology of a creature that is handsome even in death.

  43. frog says

    Jesus has chin-balls like Peter Griffin? I guess that would explain how Family Guy has been raised from the dead twice.

  44. Hurin, Nattering Nabob of Negativism says

    I hope she picked it up and took it home, to wait for it to resurrect three days later.

    If it truly paralleled the Jesus story, the stingray would also turn out to be an insufferable, narcissistic pissant, so I can understand not wanting to take it home.

  45. ogremeister says


    That’s not jesus, that’s John Lennon

    Could be. After all, he was more popular.

    Also gives a whole new meaning to the red carpet question, “Who are you wearing?”

  46. Richard Smith says

    @Markita Lynda—it’s Spring after the Winter that wasn’t (#48):

    Only if Jesus had the world’s most cleft chin and also a penis for a nose.

    Well, didn’t Jesus tell us that “blessed are the big-noses”?

  47. stonyground says

    I have not read the whole thread so someone may have already said this. I think it looks like ‘Some grey bloke’.

  48. Agent Silversmith, Post Palladium Isotope says

    I’m onto her. If you flip that ray over, it has a crystal clear image of Mohammed on the other side. So to avoid controversy she’s made sure we only see this side, and tried to convince us that the vague smudge can be interpreted as a depiction of Jesus.

    Or perhaps there’s been too many Satan faces in the clouds, and the sea creatures have to produce some holy messiah visages just to balance out the world’s spiritual equilibrium.

  49. Die Anyway says

    pipenta @ 82 gets it right. A Cow-nosed ray, not a stingray. They do have a small barb but are not as dangerous as stingrays because they do not settle on the bottom where you are likely to step on them. I’ve seen some fairly large schools of them cruising the shoreline in the Gulf of Mexico near my home.

  50. jakc says

    How come evolutionists never see the face Darwin on toast or dead rays? And Tony, using bold is cool with me.