Superman is a profane dick


This is Superman getting shot by a tank.

The guy is so super-tough that his only response is to choke out some kind of gutteral noise, “GD”. I don’t even know how to pronounce that; maybe it’s Kryptonian for “ow” or something.

Unfortunately, a Christian comic book store owner in North Carolina is so annoyed that Superman might have used a euphemism for “god damn” that he’s boycotting all issues of Superman.

I could see Guy Gardner and maybe even Hal Jordan (Green Lanterns) saying it. I could see Oliver Queen (Green Arrow) saying it. I could easily see Damian Wayne (Robin) or MAYBE even Bruce Wayne saying it. But Superman was created to be the “perfect” super-hero. Unblemished. Superman is an American icon.

It grieves me to see a liberal Scottish schmuck like Grant Morrison take these liberties. I’m sorry, Superman would NEVER take God’s name in vain. In the words of the late Jim Croce, “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.

“Perfect” apparently means “prissy” in his vocabulary. But I think he’s just given permission for some superheroes in the DC universe to start swearing like angry drunken sailors, which could be fun.

I understand that it’s only a comic and it’s not the real world, but I feel that as a Christian I have to draw the line somewhere.

Yeah, somewhere on the far side of petty and silly.

Besides, how can you get upset at a grunt? Everyone knows, Superman is a dick.

Comments

  1. Mesenchymal says

    ‘Maybe even Bruce Wayne’ The Goddamn Batman can sure a hell say god damn.

    By the way, he dropped his boycott after Morrison explained what an onamonapia is, but he is now refusing to stock any comics with adult themes.

  2. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Thank the lord we have stalwarts like Mr. ComicBookGuy to protect everyone from the corruption of our imaginary idols.

    I now know there is someone out there in the dark America wilderness defending Dick Tracy, Bugs Bunny, Fred Flintstone and Captain America.

  3. Ben says

    He wasn’t just boycotting Superman comics, he was boycotting ALL comics by Grant Morrison, which, as a business, is an incredibly stupid move! Selling comics by Grant Morrison makes stores a lot of money.

    Of course, once Morrison explained in an interview that it was, in fact, just a gutteral noise (because who the fuck would say “GD” when they’re getting blown up instead of saying “GOD ##@%^&% DAMMIT!”?), he happily lifted the boycott. And we’re all so relieved!!

    Anyway, the store owner’s an idiot.

  4. Sean Geddes says

    A little aside – This may have been brought up before, but is it just me or is the ‘date christian girls’ advert just a little out of place?

  5. peterh says

    But – but – but . . . . Life’s so much simpler when you can find whatever you’re terrified of anywhere you look, so often in the most innocent of contexts.

  6. sambarge says

    “I understand that it’s only a comic and it’s not the real world, but I feel that as a Christian I have to draw the line somewhere.”

    And this is where he chose to draw the line; with a Superman comic book? Jesus-fucking-Christ on a cracker, if this is where he draws the line, how does he get through the day? I mean, if he can’t handle Superman possibly saying ‘goddamn’ when he’s shot by a canon, then the level of human suffering on this planet must blow his fucking mind.

  7. says

    Oh my god! Thank you, Sean. Thank you for pointing out that the advertisement on the article is a bit out of place.

    As they’ve been since FTB has been opened.

    As is stated in nearly every FTB post.

    But no, clearly you’re the most observant member of this community. I applaud you.

  8. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    But casual racism is fine?

    Scottish is a race?

    Or is there some race of Schmucks I’m unaware of?

  9. John Morales says

    Wow.

    Today I learnt that Superman’s inarticulate onomatopoeic ejaculations are of great significance to some.

    (Live and learn)

  10. says

    As absolutely ridiculous as this is/was when it broke a few days ago. But, as has been pointed out, it’s been resolved and store owner lifted the “ban.” It’s a classic case of anomaly hunting…some angry Christian geek wanted to be angry about SOMETHING with the DC relaunch and he chose this.

    My favorite part is that the guy, prior to this, was selling Crossed…a comic about rape zombies, and one that showed the exploits of rape zombies in graphic detail. There’s plenty of (GASP!) swearing in the rape zombie comic, I assure you. It’s also chock full of man, woman, animal, child, and corpse rape.

    I’m not admonishing him for selling that, there are plenty of comic and horror fans that seem to enjoy the book for, if for no other reason than, its transgressive nature. It’s just dumb to sell that, but then to get all flibbidy gibbit about a sound effect that means nothing.

    In a related story, I bought the issue and it was fantastic. It was a great Superman comic.

    Here’s the original story: http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/09/08/north-carolina-comic-shop-to-boycott-action-comics/

    Here’s Grant Morrison’s response and the retailer’s follow up:
    http://www.bleedingcool.com/2011/09/09/grant-morrison-responds-to-gd-gate/

  11. says

    As absolutely ridiculous as this is/was when it broke a few days ago. But, as has been pointed out, it’s been resolved and store owner lifted the “ban.” It’s a classic case of anomaly hunting…some angry Christian geek wanted to be angry about SOMETHING with the DC relaunch and he chose this.

    My favorite part is that the guy, prior to this, was selling Crossed…a comic about rape zombies, and one that showed the exploits of rape zombies in graphic detail. There’s plenty of (GASP!) swearing in the rape zombie comic, I assure you. It’s also chock full of man, woman, animal, child, and corpse rape.

    I’m not admonishing him for selling that, there are plenty of comic and horror fans that seem to enjoy the book for, if for no other reason than, its transgressive nature. It’s just dumb to sell that, but then to get all flibbidy gibbit about a sound effect that means nothing.

    In a related story, I bought the issue and it was fantastic. It was a great Superman comic.

  12. llewelly says

    Sean Geddes | 16 September 2011 at 7:06 am:

    A little aside – This may have been brought up before, but is it just me or is the ‘date christian girls’ advert just a little out of place?

    It is just your own confusion.

    Keyword advertising is a modern technology of great precision and sophistication, which leverages the best internet technologies. The keywords chosen by the advertiser synergistically combine with the desire of the customer to seek out the most appropriate product, bringing together producers and consumers in a way incomprehensible to those who fail to understand the new paradigm of the Wisdom of the Masses. Together, these effects deliver advertising to new publics with a prescience that borders on artificial intelligence.

  13. Beatrice, anormalement indécente says

    Ha, ha, the offended schmuck’s response to Grant Morrison’s explanation that it was only a grunt (from Zack’s link):

    Thank you Grant Morrison. The boycott is lifted. Once again my apologies to Grant for the unwarranted name calling. Thank you to those who supported my stance. To those who didn’t… I respect your opinions. To those who only posted to bash Christians and people with opinions different from yours… grow up and get a life.

    (emphasis mine)
    Oh, the irony.

  14. chigau (...---...) says

    And the ads are not the same for everyone, everywhere.
    How many people in Australia see ads for the Royal Bank of Canada?

  15. Adam says

    I wonder what Superman would think of religion given that his mere existence having travelled from another planet pisses over substantial chunks of the bible.

  16. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    How many people in Australia see ads for the Royal Bank of Canada?

    A quick check with google revealed the Royal Bank of Canada has a branch in Sidney.

  17. Jett Perrobone says

    Sean Geddes @#8:

    A little aside – This may have been brought up before, but is it just me or is the ‘date christian girls’ advert just a little out of place?

    I’ve always thought that ad was strange. I’m trying to imagine something sexy that a Christian girl would do with her date – like, say, shave his chest hairs in the shape of a cross with his nipples and belly-button as the stigmata??? “Let me crucify you *wink wink*”! But I have no real problem with such ads – Christian websites would not dare consider featuring ads for atheist services. Why? Because they’re stupid.

    But back on topic – someone should start something called “Everybody Draw Superman Saying ‘God Damn’ Day!” I’m sure it would be a hit. I hardly think Superman would be in trouble of being damned by God for saying it. Frankly, I think he could whoop God’s arse.

  18. llewelly says

    davem says:
    16 September 2011 at 8:17 am

    “A Christian comic book store owner”

    So he sells Christian comic books — like the bible?

    I imagined a complete selection of Chick Tracts.

  19. Anri says

    Bruce Wayne might curse?

    As in:

    “It was hard work, dragging 220lbs of sociopath to to top of the Gotham Twin Towers. The scream alone is worth it.”

    “You’ve got plenty of teeth left. And I haven’t touched your tongue.”

    “Something tells me to stop with the leg. I don’t listen to it.”

    (While putting on brass knuckles) “There’s nothing better.”

    (While questioning a perp) “Sure you’ve got rights. Plenty of rights. Sometimes I stay up at night, counting them, just to make myself feel crazy. But right now, you’ve got a piece of glass shoved into a major artery in your arm. Right now, you’re bleeding to death. Right now, I’m the only man in the world who can get you to a hospital in time.”

    – this guy?

    Sheesh.
    Someone as ignorant as that about the personalities of major comic figures shouldn’t be buying, let alone selling, comics.

  20. raven says

    It is just your own confusion.

    Keyword advertising is a modern technology of great precision and sophistication, which leverages the best internet technologies. The keywords chosen by the advertiser synergistically combine with the desire of the customer…

    Yes, this is how it works.

    The internet KNOWS that Sean Geddes has a strong desire to date xian girls. So it aims the ad at him.

    He may not even be aware of the rather kinky proclivities buried in his subconscious mind. It’s OK Sean, free country and all that. It could be worse, you could be getting ads for Zombie rape porn or to join the Southern Baptist church.

  21. raven says

    . I’m trying to imagine something sexy that a Christian girl would do with her date…

    It’s not hard to figure out.

    Hypocrisy is the third sacrament of fundie xianity. The teenage pregnancy and abortion rates are higher for them than the general population.

    They do what every one else does for the same reasons. Hardcore xian girls are a bit more likely to feel guilty about it and a lot more likely to be irresponsible about contraception and not use it.

  22. Dragon says

    Don’t click on the Superman is a dick link to superdickery.com.
    It loaded seymitto.com which involved a malicious URL. It tried Suspicious Browser Fingerprinting 3.

    If you already have, download a good anti-virus product and repair your machine.

  23. says

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Superman from another planet? So would he be affected by original sin? If not, would he need to be saved by Jesus?

  24. Scott says

    I think Supe is not saying “God damn” but is uttering something akin to a grunt, probably meant to sound like “gid” or something. But a Christian comic book dealer? Has he read anything on his shelves? If this is the worst offense he can find, he’s not looking too hard.

  25. says

    Superman’s home planet was destroyed by G*wd when He became angry at the constant blasphemous acts of the people, like leaping over tall buildings and stopping bullets.

    Not to mention the casual flouting of the 11th commandment: “Thou shalt not weareth of the cape.”

  26. NotAProphet says

    Superman is not human, therefore has no soul and cannot go to heaven, presumably.

    I’m wondering what Superman has ever done to make people think he is in any way Christian, or even a deist. I’m not a comic-book person, so I don’t know that he hasn’t or isn’t.

    Oh yeah, none of this matters, it’s a god-damned STORYBOOK. Thank goodness those never get out of hand…

  27. H.H. says

    Wait, I thought Superman is an extraterrestrial? Why should he care about some lousy god from a planet he was dumped on as an infant?

    Because he was brainwashed while growing up in the Bible Belt. Nurture trumps nature again.

  28. llewelly says

    Ani Sharmin | 16 September 2011 at 9:41 am :

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Superman from another planet? So would he be affected by original sin? If not, would he need to be saved by Jesus?

    If you had read the True Gospel, as translated from the plates of gold by Joseph Smith, you would know the answer to questions like this; Our Father in Heaven has other sheep, on worlds without number, and His Son Jesus Christ brought Salvation unto all of them.

    If you doubt this, ask yourself how it is that Gene Roddenberry saw that people all over the galaxy look like humans? It cannot be through science that he saw this, because as PZ has explained, science demands that aliens have no resemblance to humans, except by coincidence.

    In fact, as many Mormon devotees of Star Trek will tell you, the Angel Moroni came to Gene Roddenberry, and told him to make a good clean tv show where people were nice to each other and did not say dirty words. (Note that as there are no crosses in a Mormon church, there are few crosses in Star Trek.)

    Now Gene Roddenberry was a man of little faith, and thus by the power of Satan he was unable to understand the message he was given, and thus there are many things in Star Trek which are impure, and parents should not allow their children to watch it without guidance. Nonetheless, like Protestant and Catholic churches, it has part of the truth, and stands as a testament to Heavenly Father’s many efforts to deliver his Gospel unto his children, and to how frequently Heavenly Father is misunderstood by those who lack faith.

  29. Moggie says

    Winkypop:

    Hey maybe this guy thinks Superman is god?

    Well, he’s pretty much a god, isn’t he? At least, he has powers which verge on the god-like, or perhaps demonic. No True Christian™ should be reading Superman comics: they should be burning them!

    As for “American icon”, I wonder what he’d make of Red Son, in which Supes is a hero of the Soviet Union.

  30. John says

    Damien Wayne? Is that a new robin? Robin used to be an orphan that Bruce Wayne was raising, not a relative.

  31. Rey Fox says

    And just as they were getting over their shit-fit about Supes renouncing his American citizenship.

    How did that turn out, by the way?

  32. Ing says

    Some points

    * all Superman says in ASB&R is “damn” which is writen by insane hobo Frank Miller

    *Its the reboot so past characterization doesn’t matter (again I hate this fucking reboot)

    *Who the fuck would buy from a Christian comic store? Think they sell Preacher?

  33. Felix says

    Ummm, PZ?
    You post a blog entry about a comic store owner.
    Who happens also to be deluded and zealous about it.

    And you don’t put the guy’s statement in comic sans?

    What is wrong with you? Who are you, and what have you done with the real PZ?

  34. nemo the derv says

    liberal scottish schmuck?
    I’m a little confused.
    Are those first two words supposed to be insulting?
    As a Xian he should ask himself what that
    long haired hippie radical jew would do.

  35. Dynaboy says

    The Daily Show pointed out a couple of nights ago that Superman is an illegal immigrant. Shouldn’t that be enough reason to hate him?

  36. Mark Barker says

    “I understand that it’s only a comic and it’s not the real world, but I feel that as a Christian I have to draw the line somewhere.”

    I feel that way about the bible – I understand that it’s only a comic and it’s not the real world, but I feel that as an atheist I have to draw the line somewhere.

  37. says

    Poor xians… their beliefs are so fragile that a fictional character can bring them all down.

    Oh and with the persecution and all:
    http://i651.photobucket.com/albums/uu236/iceshaved/persecuted.jpg

    ALTERNATE non-scientific THEORY:
    Supes was shouting, “GOD!” because, you know, he got pounded in the chest.

    Now pay attention: he’s part of that Xian brand that never writes the “O” anywhere, he WAS going to say “G-D” at first, but then because he’s, you know, PERFECT, he knew that there’s no definitive way to say “-” (dash? hyphen? (sound of teeth gnashing)?), he left it out, but said it anyway.

    This is why he’s Superman and you’re not.
    ————————–
    Don’t forget you need to make your persecution quota today, or we’re going to have to write you up. Thank you.

  38. required says

    So a Christian is worried that a saviour figure from one myth insults the saviour figure from another myth?

  39. required says

    Also, is Superman an American? Has he been granted citizenship despite arriving as an illegal (ahem) alien?

  40. uncle frogy says

    ??but I feel that as a Christian I have to draw the line somewhere.”??

    this is just another example of that “christian” attitude of “I refuse to have anything to do with things that are against my religious beliefs”. I see little real difference between what this guy did and the pharmacist who wont sell the morning after pill.
    you do not have to sell things you don’t like you can do something else. You can’t force people to like what you like or believe what they want or not. I would suggest that this comic book guy is in the wrong business if little things like that made him upset unless he does not really read much of his merchandise and is just in it for the money.
    though he did get a lot of free advertising out of it.

    uncle frogy

  41. draketungsten says

    But I think he’s just given permission for some superheroes in the DC universe to start swearing like angry drunken sailors, which could be fun.

    Well, it’s hardly drunken sailor territory, but one of DC’s (Superman’s company) most prolific writers makes sure that his characters say “damn” and “hell” at least once per comic. It comes across as very juvenile, and you can practically hear him doing the Beavis and Butthead chuckle – “heh heh, I just made Green lantern say ‘damn'”.

    And just as they were getting over their shit-fit about Supes renouncing his American citizenship.

    How did that turn out, by the way?

    DC rebooted their universe again this month, so it (probably) never happened anymore. Some previously-published stories count and some don’t, and it’s anybody’s guess which is which. I don’t follow Superman (but I’ll be picking up Morrison’s run), but from what I’ve heard it seemed like it was one of those ideas which they planned to get one or two story arcs out of and then disappear down the memory hole like most of these stories do, even if the reboot didn’t just come along and put the canon up for grabs.

  42. nemothederv says

    So one guy is offended by his own interpretation of what GD means and all of a sudden there is a controversy.

    Does he run the comic store for the Catholic League or something?

  43. MadScientist says

    God damn, the loons get pissed off when you criticize *their* fantasies – and then they go off and steal other fantasies and complain when they don’t go as they’d like.

  44. Josh says

    All-Star Western’s got me so upset
    Wonder Woman makes me lose my rest
    And everybody knows about Action Comics GD!

    (with apologies to the entire civil rights movement)