Mormon Song

(May be sung to sorta a combination of “Davy Crockett” & “the Beverly Hillbillies”)

Hear the story of Joseph Smith
Snake oil salesman who wrote a myth
About a book on sheets of gold
Very sacred—very old.

Written in an ancient tongue
A tale of Jesus yet unsung
The angel Moroni helped him translate
Those sacred words of racial hate.

So now we have our latter saints
And men can now have several mates
In the holy words of Brigham Young
“Just bring ‘em now and bring ‘em young.”

Brigham found a lake of salt
Where the Mormons’ march could halt
His people built a temple there
So their message they could share.

See them go out two by two
Bringing Joseph’s truth to you
Join up now and you can save
All your people in the grave.


Drink no coffee, drink no tea
Mormon truth can set you free
You too can Mormonism find
If you disconnect your mind.

by Edwin Kagin


  1. jakc says

    sure, as history, the book of mormon is as bad as most any other religions, but it seems to be do a better job answering theological questions than most. try to get a sensible answer from a christian on what people do in heaven all day, or why god needs to send some people to hell, or what happens to aborted babies. quite frankly, when you look at the load of batshit crazy fundamentalism that made up the majority of republican candidates in the primaries, the two mormons come off far and away as the most sensible.

    plus, i like the fact that i don’t have to live as a mormon now and they can fix it for me after i’m dead. the baptists would just send me to hell

  2. mildlymagnificent says

    Perfect theme song. All you need now is a script for a pilot episode.

    I have weirdly confused B&W images of a Davy Crockettish character tackling a different kind of wild ‘frontier’. Maybe a new kind of hat would do the trick? Every second boy in my 1950s primary school had, or coveted, one of those hats. A new generation could have a new ambition.

Leave a Reply