My old roommate Jed was more amused by the cruelty of nature than I could ever be, and coming from a rural place, was fond of anecdotes about city slickers being mangled because they were too affectionate or trusting with wild carnivores. Once he told the rest of us a story about watching a video where somebody filming a baby seal got their face bitten nasty.
Around the same epoch of my life, I became acquainted with the Wu-Tang Clan’s first album. In the song “Shame,” Raekwon the Chef says, “When you see me on the reel, formin’ like Voltron, remember I get deep like a navy SEAL.” Perhaps because of Jed’s rude little tale, I really thought that guy was saying, “Remember I got teeth like a baby seal.”
It makes sense. Like, a baby seal is cute, but harbors deadly weapons. Beware, despite Raekwon’s good looks, he can hurt you. But no, he was not likening himself to a juvenile pinniped. All these years later, my dreams remain crushed.