The Pope Is Stepping Down

So in his honor, a verse that speculates on what really goes on in the college of cardinals as they go about the business of selecting a new guy to wear the funny hat:

We struggle in vain to distinguish a Mass
From your typical Zombie behavior
As they guzzle down red by the bottle or glass
And delight in Filet of Our Savior.

Perhaps it’s a matter of what’s on the menu;
Your Catholic is more of a snacker,
But if you feel teeth on your shoulder, why, then you
Know zombies want more than a cracker.

When Jesus said “This is my blood that you drink,
And this is my body you eat”
Did something he knew of their tastes make him think
They were zombies, and lusting for meat?

Did the Catholic Church, from the time of Saint Peter,
Rejoice in the words that he said,
And at least once a week, become Zombie flesh-eater
And feast upon Jesus Undead?

I worry it’s some sort of slippery slope
Where they struggle ‘gainst gravity’s chains
And I wonder if Ratzinger got to be Pope
By eating the Cardinals’ brains.

Image by the wonderful Jessica Hagy.


  1. says

    By happy coincidence, yesterday I posted to my blog some photos of the cardinals that visit my feeders, and I titled the post “College of Cardinals.” Maye one small benefit to this horrible man having served as pope (and finally resigning) is that there might be a temporary bump the traffic to my little blog.

    My first reaction to the news of his resignation: “Coward.” The kitchen is getting too hot for him.

  2. Linda Grilli Calhoun says

    This reminds me of the statement made in his autobiography, of the most wonderful American humorist Don Marquis, that while others said they didn’t believe in transubstantiation, his problem was that he did believe it, and it was repulsive. L

  3. janiceintoronto says

    The filthy bastard ought to be in jail, not living in luxury.

    Fuckers. Just fuckers.

    Your friend,

    Janice in Toronto

  4. Jammy Jams says

    The Pope suffered for his religion as God’s-top-man-on-Earth for only 8 years….an broke the record set by Jesus!

  5. Crudely Wrott says

    As I posted elsewhere earlier today:

    . . . he claims weariness. If I was in his Pradas I’d be weary too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *