Burzynski The Bold (A Ballad)

Some folks would give up; Some folks would just quit,
When they look for three decades, but only find shit.
But some can make hay from a whole lot of zero…
Like Dr Burzynski, the medical hero.

Though his method is lacking empirical proof
Looking less like a treatment and more like a spoof
That won’t stop Burzynski, the brave and the bold—
He’ll do as he wishes, and not as he’s told!

When your data are meager, then there go your grants,
But Burzynski the Bold doubled down, took a chance:
“I’ll charge all my patients exorbitant fees,
And I’ll make up the difference, as quick as you please!”

Now, some wouldn’t do this; some people have morals—
But Dr. Burzynski, he didn’t have quarrels;
He overcharged bravely, where others might quail;
His ethics and morals were boldly for sale.

He kept at his work, like that battery bunny,
And lied to his patients and sucked up their money
“It’s legal, of course,” he explained with a smile
“This isn’t a treatment, but merely a trial”

He isn’t a weasel, as stories depict him—
Oh, no! He’s a hero, as well as a victim;
He’s willing to take the unpopular path
Like boldly stand up to a teenager’s wrath—

A boy, armed with nothing but brains and the truth
Makes people think twice, ere they threaten the youth;
But Dr. Burzynski? That’s not what he did
(Thinking twice, he did not; he did threaten the kid)

Burzynski the Bold found a lawyer with teeth
(Some feed at the bottom—he feeds underneath)
Who threatened the lad, saying “cease and desist!”
But there’s something the lawyer, it seems, may have missed:

On the internet, smart kids have plenty of friends;
You can threaten him, sure, but that’s not where it ends;
So Dr. Burzynski, the kid may be young…
But mess with a wasps’ nest—you’re gonna get stung.


  1. tehpet says

    Not only an inspired bit of rhyme, but possibly the best summary of the debacle I’ve seen as yet.

  2. Yep says

    It’s all about stomping anyone that is doing anything innovative right?

    Who cares if people have been cured using ANTINEOPLASTONS – who cares if anyone is ever cured by cancer right? It’s all about people dying –

    nothing is better than ignoring the USA gov’t data on antineoplastons, and then saying “screw those cancer folks” – “let ‘em die!” people should only be poisoned with chemo & radiation and THEN die, the people do not deserve these “Antineoplastons” – how dare they ask for non-toxic treatment and live – fuck them!

    all who have cancer need to die like those on concentration camps like the dirty cancer-victims they are, and die from chemo, radiation and have their bodies cut apart.

    we need to tell the world that they do not deserve an “Option” – let ‘em die!

    Anyone that is cured by these urine “antineoplastons” they need to be shot! all of them!

    America is NOT free – and anyone that thinks that they deserve an option of cancer treatment—especially if they choose antineoplastons—needs to be shot on site!

    to death to all who refuse to choose chemo and radiation or surgery (except biopsies because then the burzynski clinic can analyze them) but after they do! BURN THE CANCER PATIENTS WHO RESIST!

    all cancer patients must accept their poisoned induced death!


  3. Cuttlefish says

    Wow, Yep–your satire is even more on-point than mine. I wouldn’t have had the cojones to pull the “attack the cancer patients themselves” move–I mean, who’d believe it, outside of a handful of conspiracy theorists? But you know the audience! And you went there!

  4. AsqJames says

    Hey “Yep”/”OracIsGod”,

    Who cares if people have been cured using ANTINEOPLASTONS – who cares if anyone is ever cured by cancer right?

    Well clearly Burzynski doesn’t, ‘cos if he did he would have completed his trials and published the results in the peer reviewed literature. If you’re so concerned about people dying of cancer (or even cancer treatment if you prefer) you shouldn’t be wasting time here. You should be trying to persuade Burzynski that he needs to share his treatment with other labs/clinics so more people can be “cured”.

    He won’t even lose out financially, he’ll keep his patent and make many times what he is now from licensing. And those awful big pharma people will lose all their chemo-therapy income. And all those nasty oncologists will either have to get on board and buy from Burzynski or lose all their business.

    Why don’t you (and Burzynski) want cancer sufferers to receive this “miracle cure”? What benefit does Burzynski get from abandoning trials and keeping such a “miracle cure” secret?

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