Whoopie For ME!

Another day
Another issue
We’re all a-waiting
They’re talking Whoopie
Is this for real?
Are they insane?
What’s taken over
The state of Maine?
The new election
Of state confection
They’re talking Whoopie
Picture a crème-filled sandwich
It’s sugar mixed with lard
Something that fits your hand, which
Will make your arteries hard
From Madawaska
To southern Kittery
Seems this much sugar
Will make you jittery
This pressing issue
Will make you wish you
Were talking Whoopie
Picture a Down-East picnic
What’s on your plate to see?
You give your fork a quick lick
Blueberry pie, for me!
They need a budget
Or folks will hurt
They say, “let’s fudge it
And talk dessert
This legal action
Is mere distraction
They’re talking Whoopie
For those too lazy to click links… the state of Maine is debating the adoption of a State Dessert, the Whoopie Pie, which was invented in Pennsylvania.  Me, I’m in favor of Blueberry Pie as the state dessert; if a state dessert can’t turn your smile blue, what good is it?

The Dictionary Atheist Baby

I looked at my cute little atheist baby
(With wonderful new-baby smell!)
And thought that she might be more accurate, maybe
With other descriptors as well
The privative “atheist”, so I’ve been told
Is a measure of what she is not;
It’s clearly the case, if I might be so bold,
There are more words describing the tot:
My baby is flightless; my babe is unwed;
She’s not blonde, for there isn’t a hair on her head;
She’s scale-less, of course, for as much as I’d wish
She has no hint of Mermaid, or tidbit of fish;
She’s hatless, for now, till I give her a hat,
And cloudless as well, though I’m glad about that;
She’s treeless, which helps her to fit in her cot,
And windowless—windows, again, she has not.
She has plenty of cute—I shall not call her cuteless—
And she’s sweeter than Mom’s Apple Pie;
But listing her negatives clearly is fruitless
When privatives do not apply.
In case the verse wasn’t blatant enough… I come down on the side that babies are not “dictionary atheists”, nor are trees, rocks, fish, clouds, or galaxies.  They are undefined with regard to religious terms.  (Ok, they are undefined in my view; some (but not all) religions claim membership from babies, and it is not relevant that the baby actively believe.  This baby is (culturally) orthodox, that one is muslim, even though they have not chosen this membership.  Other religions wait–the anabaptist tradition requires the active choice on the part of an individual to join the church; prior to that, you may be unsaved or perhaps “innocent”.)
In my (privative) view, if there were no religious believers, there would of course be no atheists.  The label would have never been invented, and would have no meaning.  We are all, right now, aflargists, because none of us are flargists.  We are all amulxists, because none of us are mulxists.  I could make up dozens of undefined things we are not.  But I prefer it when words actually have meaning, and give useful information.  It makes no sense to call my baby flightless, although she is “dictionary flightless”.  Since no babies are (I have asked them) active believers in any particular religion, it makes no sense at all to call them atheists.  It is simply a dimension which is undefined with regard to babies.

The Dictionary Atheist Baby

I looked at my cute little atheist baby
(With wonderful new-baby smell!)
And thought that she might be more accurate, maybe
With other descriptors as well
The privative “atheist”, so I’ve been told
Is a measure of what she is not;
It’s clearly the case, if I might be so bold,
There are more words describing the tot:
My baby is flightless; my babe is unwed;
She’s not blonde, for there isn’t a hair on her head;
She’s scale-less, of course, for as much as I’d wish
She has no hint of Mermaid, or tidbit of fish;
She’s hatless, for now, till I give her a hat,
And cloudless as well, though I’m glad about that;
She’s treeless, which helps her to fit in her cot,
And windowless—windows, again, she has not.
She has plenty of cute—I shall not call her cuteless—
And she’s sweeter than Mom’s Apple Pie;
But listing her negatives clearly is fruitless
When privatives do not apply.
In case the verse wasn’t blatant enough… I come down on the side that babies are not “dictionary atheists”, nor are trees, rocks, fish, clouds, or galaxies.  They are undefined with regard to religious terms.  (Ok, they are undefined in my view; some (but not all) religions claim membership from babies, and it is not relevant that the baby actively believe.  This baby is (culturally) orthodox, that one is muslim, even though they have not chosen this membership.  Other religions wait–the anabaptist tradition requires the active choice on the part of an individual to join the church; prior to that, you may be unsaved or perhaps “innocent”.)
In my (privative) view, if there were no religious believers, there would of course be no atheists.  The label would have never been invented, and would have no meaning.  We are all, right now, aflargists, because none of us are flargists.  We are all amulxists, because none of us are mulxists.  I could make up dozens of undefined things we are not.  But I prefer it when words actually have meaning, and give useful information.  It makes no sense to call my baby flightless, although she is “dictionary flightless”.  Since no babies are (I have asked them) active believers in any particular religion, it makes no sense at all to call them atheists.  It is simply a dimension which is undefined with regard to babies.

Were You There? (The Ken Ham Song)

Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water,
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden!
Eve arrived and Adam hardened;
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus: 
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water, 
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater,
You’re descended from a floater,
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus

God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah!
Oh, the horrah! Oh, the horrah!
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)

Chorus

Comments are open for additional verses!

Cuttlecap tip to PZ, here, of course.

Were You There? (The Ken Ham Song)

Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water,
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden!
Eve arrived and Adam hardened;
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus: 
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water, 
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater,
You’re descended from a floater,
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus

God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah!
Oh, the horrah! Oh, the horrah!
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)

Chorus

Comments are open for additional verses!

Cuttlecap tip to PZ, here, of course.