Modern Technology Meets Bronze-Age Morality

PZ reports about the modesty police, the ultra-orthodox Jews who are justifiably fed up with lust and temptation, and are doing something about it! That’s right, they are stoning women who dress provocatively and lead good men to evil thoughts.

PZ’s suggestion?

Hey, I have a suggestion for all those fearful people who want to punish women for being so darn tempting. Instead of targeting women, let’s have all orthodox, fundamentalist men fitted with devices that measure penis enlargement, and that set off blinking lights and whistles mounted on the gentleman’s hats when significant arousal is detected. Then the clerics and rabbis and orthodox mobs can patrol the streets and stone anyone with a flashing hat — one way or another, the visible responses to perfectly ordinary human forms will disappear, the clerics will be able to claim victory over temptation, and they can stop abusing innocent women.

What an incurable optimist.

Of course, what really would happen if someone were to use such a device?

You have to promise not to laugh
Although my logic’s iffy;
I hooked up a plethysmograph
To show I’ve got a stiffy.

So if some woman’s leg I see
And “beep-beep!” goes my cock,
I do what scripture asks of me
And hit her with a rock.

If just a bit of ankle shows
But I still get a boner,
I’m justified, my Rabbi knows,
To go ahead and stone her

The scriptures say it’s not my fault
Some temptress shows some skin
It’s simple justice, not assault,
To stone her for her sin.

We’ll stone the sluts, on God’s behalf
Till all temptation’s gone…
But… wearing this plethysmograph?
It kinda turns me on…


  1. says

    Through a system which signals “Erection!”(and perhaps even gives an injection)those who women despisewill meet their demise:artificially natural selection!Misogynist thinking detectionand a guillotine there for correctionwill cut down to sizethese religulous guysand the gene pool will see their ejection.Let us work for a swift resurrectionof more genuine interconnectionI say: “Real men, arise!” – just not ‘tween your thighsunless she returns your affection…

  2. Andy says

    Just a quick note to say this is my first visit here (thank podblack’s many references) and wow! Skeptical poetry!I must put aside some time to troll through your other posts and get me some skeptical culture.Thanks.

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