Today’s contribution was submitted as a comment by Lunatick.
…I could not rationalize suicide. As much as I wanted out, as much as I was done and wanted a break from my reality, I knew it didn’t make sense. I believe when life is over it’s a fade to black and nothing more. I wasn’t going to get the break I needed; it was better for me to stay and work through it.
…The pain of my father’s death is so raw, but I know he is gone. He was here and now he’s not. He hasn’t gone anywhere else, he’s just ceased to be. The rawness lets me see how the idea of heaven is comforting, but reason makes me wonder how people ever enjoy sex if their loved ones are looking down upon them all the time.
Because I’m an atheist I stopped taking the pills that would have killed me. Even in the midst of all my pain I was able to realize that I needed to unlock the bathroom door and tell my boyfriend to call an ambulance. Because I’m an atheist, I didn’t believe in some heavenly after-life that would be better than this one. I believed that if I continued I would be gone forever. I’m finally getting help for my severe depressive disorder.
Because I’m an atheist I know now that my disorder was not due to lack of faith or prayer, as I had been told by Christian counselors in my youth. I know now that my disorder is due to brain chemistry and unresolved familial/personal issues.
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