Context matters

Rebecca Watson recently made a video about a situation that made her feel very uncomfortable at an atheist conference.

tl;dr: At 4am after a night of drinking with conference attendees, Rebecca said she was going to bed. A man followed her to the elevator, and once in the elevator, invited her to his room. This made her very uncomfortable. To spell it out for you, a potentially inebriated man sneaking off to follow you and only propositioning you once you’re alone and unable to escape sets off red flags, even if he was totally benign and had the best intentions in mind.

And this is all sort of ironic, especially since Rebecca had just given a talk on sexism and making women feel welcome.

Unfortunately, Rebecca is receiving some shittacular comments about how she’s hypersensitive and oppressing male sexuality, and how men are the real victims here because they can’t flirt without seeming like sex crazed rapists. I get the same sort of comments whenever I make similar observations. So I want to spell it out very clearly:

I am not anti-flirting. I am not anti-finding a significant other. I am not anti-casual sex. Hell, I’m single and incredibly interested in finding someone who’s also interested in atheism and skepticism. I’m trying to flirt and find a significant other when I go to events (I plead the fifth on the casual sex part).

But context matters.

Do not come up to me right after I give a talk on communicating skepticism and tell me a perk of my presentation was that I’m easy on the eyes.*

Feel free to say I’m cute when I’m rocking my black cocktail dress at Penn Jillette’s party at TAM 9.

Do not interrupt an intellectual discussion on diversity in the atheist movement with a unrelated sexual joke.*

Feel free to tell raunchy jokes when I’m having a beer at post-talk social. I’ll join you.

Do not reference my looks, boobs, or sexiness when introducing me for a talk or panel, especially when you would not do so for the male participants.*

Feel free to say you think I’m attractive in casual conversation and tweets, especially if it’s in addition to my intellectual accomplishment. I fangirl over people too – it’s okay.

Do not make numerous comments about my looks in an intellectual blog post that happens to contain a photo of me that’s not meant to be sexy.*

Feel free to comment away when I post photos from my Skepticon pinup calendar. You have the green light.

Do not follow me around the Skepchick party insisting that I drink your bottle of whiskey, after repeated “No thank you”s.*

Feel free to approach me or offer me a drink if you’re okay with the chance that I may not be interested. Sometimes I am!

And finally – if you miscalculate the context of the situation, if you accidentally make someone uncomfortable, if you come off as a creep but you really just had a brainfart and said something incredibly stupid and unintentionally demeaning – it’s okay. It happens. We’re human. It doesn’t mean you’re an evil misogynistic beast, even if we publicly discuss it so others can learn from your mistake.

But recognize said mistake, apologize, and learn from it.

*Yes, all of these “Do not”s have actually happened

Really? ಠ_ಠ

Rob Sherman is an atheist activist in Illinois most well known for trying to get “Under God” removed from the pledge of allegiance. He also just wrote a post that made me facepalm so hard that it’s going to leave a mark (emphasis mine):

The lovely Hooters Girls of Springfield, Illinois, provided Dawn and Rob Sherman with a free car wash, on Thursday, to thank us for asking the State Board of Education to not force school districts around the State to implement the unconstitutional Student Prayer Act “Moment of Silence” law. The girls had asked us what had brought us to Springfield. When I told them, they all said that they agreed with Dawn and me on that subject. They then offered to wash our car for free to demonstrate their appreciation, proving that there are certain rewards to this job that you just don’t get with every other line of work.

[…]Dawn and I went to the Springfield Hooters for lunch after making our presentation, that morning, at the June monthly meeting of the State Board of Education. I often eat at Hooters, either in Springfield or Bloomington, after conducting business at the Capitol. The food and service, at both locations, are always fabulous. Obviously, a sign of great management by Eric and Mike. The fact that the
food and service come with a generous helping of eye candy is merely a convenient and pleasant bonus.
Haley and Tara discuss strategy on how to wash a convertible while the top is down. Haley is the girl speaking to me. Tara is the girl with the big sponge. (What did you think I was going to say?)

That’s his high school daughter Dawn in the car with him.

…

Sometimes it just boggles my mind how atheist activists don’t realize that maybe, just maybe, they shouldn’t write a whole blog post about objectifying women.

Our Flying Spaghetti Monster parade float

Today was the Fremont Solstice Parade, and the Seattle Atheists walked with their Flying Spaghetti Monster float. And I was one of the pirates operating his noodley appendage! Here are some fun photos from the event.

Photo by LeeLeFever

Photo by Philaros

Photo by decidedlyodd

And the cutest pirate of the day was:
Other than marching, the best part of the event was the naked bikeride, with all the people riding by in creative body paint. The two people painted up like Mormon missionaries (NSFW) were my favorite.

A new godless comic book

Blag Hag reader Marjee Chmiel is working on a fantastic comic called Luci’s Let Down.

Written by Marjee Chmiel and illustrated by Sandra Lanz, *Luci’s Let Down* is about the alienation that creative and skilled professionals face in corporate culture, a culture that too often devalues craftsmanship and holds profits over principles. It’s also about the creation of the universe, the extinction of the dinosaurs, and the other side of the canonical dispute between God and Lucifer.
As art director for God, Luci has found herself let down again and again with the tasks entrusted to her: creating life is tough stuff, and for a boss as critical and unappreciative as the Big Man himself, it’s particularly difficult to remain in the spotlight for long. Yet with this latest project, she intends to realize her vision, and ensure her place in the echelon of time-honored creators. Witty, funny, and certainly touching, *Luci’s Let Down* is a familiar story told before, but never like this.

The art is great, and I love the subtle nerdiness. There are some preview pages here.

Marjee is looking for help to pay for the printing so she can present the book at the Small Press Expo in Bethesda, MA and the Alternative Press Expo in San Francisco this year. They’re over half way to their goal – if you like the comic, you can help out here!

I’m such a meanie!

Apparently some Savage Love listeners are in a tizzy because I called religion “silly.”
Oh dear me! Pass the smelling salts! Silly? Silly? How utterly barbaric!

That religion/spirituality discussion got pretty damned dismissive. I do think it’s useful – probably necessary – to be skeptical about everything (even a person’s own skepticism), but I don’t think person shouldn’t be labeled ‘silly’ or ‘wrong’ or be dismissed outright just for being a part of a religion or for having spiritual interests or beliefs. They may very well be thinking critically about their beliefs (plenty of people do, and I certainly wish more religious people would), but STILL find those beliefs to be valid for them on a personal level and useful in their life (helping them to understand themselves, to figure out what their philosophy is about the world, to find a community of people to relate to and find support with, etc., etc.).


And

Dear Dan: Please don’t have an atheist on your show to explain why those silly religious people are so darn stupid. There are plenty of intelligent people out there who also have religious beliefs. This show was just plain insulting.


And

Dan,
Ugh, please don’t have that hypocritical twit back on the show. She was there to challenge you on some ignorant commentary on a previous podcast, but then calls a religion “silly”; a religion of which she is admittedly ignorant.

Look, I get that as a culturally Catholic atheist, you have a narrow view of the variety of religious and spiritual experiences of the rest of the world. You said that you didn’t feel any pull to seek out another religion when you left Catholicism. Your guest so contemptuously surmised that only silly people with mortality anxiety could be drawn to religious practice. Some of us however, feel drawn to express the awe of the numinous, and communion with spirit/the divine/invisible friend(s).

I am really shocked that you chose to dismiss Wicca as something silly. Especially when Wicca is a sex positive, woman positive, queer positive spirituality. Wiccans aren’t out at the polls trying to take away your civil rights. Wiccans aren’t denying your rights to marry, adopt children. Wiccans aren’t beating the shit out of trans people in a McDonalds either.

So, way to go in perpetuating more misinformation about a minority religion. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’d shit on people who are, on the whole, supportive of all the things you believe in.

I find this incredibly amusing, as I went out of my way to be nice and diplomatic knowing I was on a sex advice podcast and not an atheist one. Let’s hope they don’t actually click through to my blog, or their heads will surely explode from righteous indignation.

But in case they’re gluttons for punishment, here they go:

Religion – whether it’s something culturally acceptable for liberals to hate on like Christianity, or a minority religion like Islam or Wicca – are all wrong. They’re based on unsubstantiated claims that have no basis in reality. There is not a shred of evidence that any religions, past or present, are actually correct.

Regardless if your religion goes out of its way to oppress others, or just has private naked kissing rituals, I’m still going to point out how wrong it is. Why? Because the search for truth is important to me, and there are too many beautiful, wonderful real things in this world to be wasting our time on pointless rituals and optimistic daydreaming. It’s intellectually insulting to believe in something just for community, or wonderment, or tradition, or answers about the afterlife – when it’s a fucking fairy tale.

And I’m just as happy to point out when non-religious beliefs are wrong. Your bad ideas don’t get a free pass because you invoke an imaginary friend or magic.

Religious people aren’t necessarily stupid. Plenty of people have false beliefs – even us godless skeptics aren’t perfect. But I’m willing to listen when someone points out that those beliefs are fucking stupid.

And silly.

Over $30,000 raised for Camp Quest!

Here are the final results from our month long fundraiser for Camp Quest:

Team Awesome: $13,550.06
Team PZ: $13,016.01

Matched amounts:
Team Awesome: $1,868.73
Team PZ: $1,640.00
Total Match: $3,508.73

Grand Total Raised: $30,074.80


You guys are amazing! Thanks so much to everyone who donated and spread the word. Because of you, tons of young freethinkers will have an awesome experience this summer.

I have one last bribe

The fundraiser for Camp Quest ends on May 31st, and Team Awesome is still behind PZ by about $1,800 dollars. But I think we can do it, especially since many of us are resorting to bribery if we win:

* Since PZ Myers has offered to shave his beard into a hideous ’80s mustache if he wins — and really, you should donate to our side for that reason alone — Adam Lee at Daylight Atheism has agreed to grow a beard if Team Awesome wins. Thus preserving Atheist Blogger Beard Homeostasis, and preventing the world as we know it from collapsing into some sort of hideous beardly space-time nexus.

* Matt Dillahunty at The Atheist Experience TV program will do one episode of the show in drag.

* JT Eberhard of WWJTD? will shave his head… and wax his legs.

And what will Greta Christina do? I hear you cry.

* Greta Christina — she said, with a quiver of dread in her voice — will do karaoke.

Let me be very clear about this: I have never done karaoke. I have never wanted to do karaoke. I am a karaoke virgin. But if Team Awesome wins the Camp Quest fundraising challenge, I will pop my karaoke cherry. And I will get it on video, and post the video to this blog and to my Facebook page.

I’m throwing my own embarrassing bribe into the ring, though preventing PZ from performing beardocide should be motivation enough to donate to Team Awesome.

If Team Awesome raises more money than PZ by June 1st, I will attempt to learn how to ride a bicycle, and videotape the whole inevitably hilarious experience.

Yes, I never learned how to ride a bike. Yes, people (especially my family) like to tease me about this all the time. Yes, I feel ashamed when a 4 year old zips past me on the sidewalk without training wheels. No, you’re not the first person who came up with the joke “It’s just like riding a bike! …Oh.”

I say attempt in my statement because I can’t assure you that I will succeed. A boyfriend tried to teach me how to ride a couple of years ago, and I failed miserably. Partially because he gave up on me – yes, I was that bad. But I will attempt, and either way I promise you will get hilarious footage.

But only if you donate to Camp Quest. I’d say so children can learn to be skeptical and ride bikes, but I have no idea if they ride bikes at camp.

And if you don’t donate before May 31st? You will have to suffer through a 80’s porno mustache on PZ. Not to mention an even bigger ego – who knew that was possible?

So do it! Donate!