Archbishop: “Pray for marriage”

Headline: “Catholic archbishop calls for prayer in defense of marriage.”

In a recent letter to his flock, Archbishop John Nienstedt of St Paul and Minneapolis wrote of the duty incumbent upon Christians to defend the proper definition of marriage. The Archbishop also included a prayer in his letter, asking for God’s help in promoting the passage of a “marriage amendment” to Minnesota’s constitution, which would safeguard the definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman.

In the interests of truth in advertising, let me suggest a suitable text for such a prayer.

Will you bow your heads please.

Ahem. “O mighty, glorious, and familiar God, Who forgives us of our sins but does not forgive the sins of others, long have we served Thee through the cruelty, intolerance, and oppression which we have bestowed upon those who fall in love differently than we do. Arise now, Lord, and defend the double standard by which we defend our own right to sexual fulfilment while denying that right to others. Teach us duplicity, by which our words may sound good when they mean evil; and forgive us the false accusations by which we slander those who claim that homosexuals are Thy children also, for such deceptions are useful to the proclamation of the Gospel.”

“Strengthen us O Lord, and make us like the Taliban, and the Nazis, and other heroes in the struggle against decent treatment of gays. And bless the jocks and bullies in school, Thy youthful ministers, who glorify Thy holiness through the abuse of those they find weak, effeminate, or just weird. Protect them from censure and retribution, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven, and when they are grown they will aid us in our crusade against tolerance.”

“For Thou, O Lord, art a good God, because Thou art just like us. Thy prejudices are like unto our own; yea, Thou art the Father of our bigotry, for hadst Thou not told us whom to hate, we would not have found any grounds to condemn them, since they do us no harm. Hear us now and grant us our prayer, that we may deprive people of marriage while telling them we’re defending it.”

“We ask in the name of Jesus Christ our Savior, who died so that our religious opinions might take priority over the rights and the liberty of others,”

“We’re number one.”



  1. sqlrob says

    Yeah, a (theoretically) celibate bachelor should really give a damn about marriage. /me rolls eyes.

    I wish they would shut up and get out of it.

  2. davidct says

    The christian concept of marriage, has been traditionally a tool of the church to control people. Since many gay marriages will be in a secular setting, they constitute a threat by the very act of ignoring the church and recognizing marriage as a contract. It highlights the fact that marriage is in the end an agreement between two people that requires no blessing from some sky fairy.

  3. DR says

    “the proper definition of marriage”: Which one is that? One man and a harem, as it was throughout most of the Old Testament, or one man and one woman, who was still treated like chattel?

  4. lordshipmayhem says

    Archbishop John Nienstedt should look to Canada.

    Here, marriage is so healthy, we not only have people of the same gender marrying each other, we have people of the same religion getting married to each other. Not only do we have people of different genders getting married each other, we also have people of different religions getting married to each other.

    Now, Archbishop, don’t you feel more at ease about the state of matrimony today?

    • sunnydale75 says

      You already know the answer to that. The state of marriage, as well as any other item of human interest is determined by the USofA. Unlike many other countries around the world, we’re protected by more than just *one* god. We have several. Not to mention one of them has enough personalities to match all the denominations created in his name. Of course the people of this country know whats best for humanity.

      Tony (and somewhere on another plane of reality, at least one god of mischief is reveling in the chaos he’s created)

  5. says

    Doesn’t this get dangerously close to violating the 501(c)(3) (Nonprofit tax-exempt status of a church or charity that forbids them from of whatever church or religious organization he’s most directly reporting to locally?

    Quoted from The IRS website:

    “Under the Internal Revenue Code, all section 501(c)(3) organizations are absolutely prohibited from directly or indirectly participating in, or intervening in, any political campaign on behalf of (or in opposition to) any candidate for elective public office. Contributions to political campaign funds or public statements of position (verbal or written) made on behalf of the organization in favor of or in opposition to any candidate for public office clearly violate the prohibition against political campaign activity. Violating this prohibition may result in denial or revocation of tax-exempt status and the imposition of certain excise taxes.
    Certain activities or expenditures may not be prohibited depending on the facts and circumstances. For example, certain voter education activities (including presenting public forums and publishing voter education guides) conducted in a non-partisan manner do not constitute prohibited political campaign activity. In addition, other activities intended to encourage people to participate in the electoral process, such as voter registration and get-out-the-vote drives, would not be prohibited political campaign activity if conducted in a non-partisan manner.
    On the other hand, voter education or registration activities with evidence of bias that (a) would favor one candidate over another; (b) oppose a candidate in some manner; or (c) have the effect of favoring a candidate or group of candidates, will constitute prohibited participation or intervention.
    The Internal Revenue Service provides resources to exempt organizations and the public to help them understand the prohibition. As part of its examination program, the IRS also monitors whether organizations are complying with the prohibition.”

  6. david says

    Almighty father, hear this prayer from your servant who is sworn to celibacy, and who wishes to regulate the sex lives of others. Oh, and father, when you said, “suffer the little children to come to me,” could you throw a couple of those little ones my way? Amen

  7. Ashley Moore says

    S,o a group of men who refuse to get married stopping other men from getting married is now called ‘Defense of Marriage’?

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