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Dec 07 2013

Mega-cheese

Would I watch this? Probably. Would I hate myself for it? Certainly.

40 comments

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  1. 1
    Alex

    I don’t know… It looks very unrealistic.

  2. 2
    tbtabby

    Movies such as this are like hot Texas chili: they burn, but it’s a good kind of burn.

  3. 3
    ekwhite

    What? No Mega-Squid?

  4. 4
    PZ Myers

    Needs more sharktopus, too.

  5. 5
    chigau (違う)

    I admire those actors for delivering their lines without even cracking a smile.
    Oscar-worthy.

  6. 6
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    WHHAAAAAAATT??

    Is this trailer for something actually in production? I’m feeling naive just asking that. It feels, well, like a brief satire of straight-to-cable monster movies, and yet, would I really believe that a straight-to-cable wouldn’t stoop this low?

    I…

    I. Have. Been. Poend.

  7. 7
    David Wilford

    I’m waiting for this to be made into a docu-drama myself:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/22/shark-chokes-on-moose-rescued-by-canadians_n_4319851.html

  8. 8
    Jafafa Hots

    There was a silly-fun Sci-Fi show on the History Channel last night. (Yes, the History Channel. UK version).
    The Great Martian War, 1913-1917
    Modern-day “documentary” about how Earth fought off the aliens in the 19-teens. Complete with archival footage & interviews.

    If the History Channel is going to make stuff up, at least this was nice and silly.
    Better than a Sharknado any day.

  9. 9
    Al Dente

    Further proof that Newton Minow was right.

  10. 10
    Travis

    Jafafa Hots,
    Did that “documentary” have some sort of message, some sort of commentary on history programming or something such as that? Reminds me a bit of the mockumentary “Dark Side of the Moon” which claimed that the moon landings were faked by the CIA, with the help of Stanley Kubrick (it also had “interviews” with some surprising people to help it seem more authentic, such as Donald Rumsfeld, Henry Kissinger, and Buzz Aldrin. At least I was quite surprised people like Rumsfeld or Kissinger would be involved in something like this). It aired on CBC’s documentary program, The Passionate Eye. I hope people did not take it too seriously.

  11. 11
    Tethys

    That was actually highly entertaining. I had no idea that mega-sharks roar exactly like mega-gorillas.

  12. 12
    Holms

    Is this trailer for something actually in production? I’m feeling naive just asking that. It feels, well, like a brief satire of straight-to-cable monster movies, and yet, would I really believe that a straight-to-cable wouldn’t stoop this low?

    This is only the latest installment in a series specifically intended to be as awful and corny and asinine and tacky and ridiculous and insulting as possible. They exist purely for people that don’t want to think for the next 90 minutes. Here’s how F-grade they are: Tara Reid was in one.

  13. 13
    Jafafa Hots

    Travis, no it was all totally for fun.
    They used WWI footage and put aliens in, they interviewed “survivors” and grainy-fied the interviews to make them look like they were filmed for TV in the 70s and 80s, etc.
    Those “old interviews” were actually the most fun part.

    SPOILER ALERT: The martians did not conquer Earth.

  14. 14
    autumn

    I actually enjoy these. Arachnoquake, Pirahnaconda, et al. You can have them on while doing things without worrying about missing plot points, (the plot is gone over by the bad actors every five or ten minutes) and there is just so much cheesy goodness. If all else fails, you can make yourself feel good just by reminding yourself what you’re watching; “What am I doing? Oh, yeah, watching Stonenadoe, where tornadoes start spewing exploding stones everywhere. Okay then. . .”

  15. 15
    Jafafa Hots

    (I mean, sure, it was also an examination of how historical documentaries are done, framed, etc. But I doubt anyone was actually thinking of it along those lines.)

  16. 16
    chigau (違う)

    Fine then.
    re: cheese
    Who is going to do a movie starring Horace the Cheese?

  17. 17
    dukeofomnium

    Without Debbie Gibson, it won’t be worth watching. Then again, WITH Debbie Gibson, it wouldn’t be worth watching.

  18. 18
    unclefrogy

    I see it is to be watched like “Killer Clowns From outer Space”
    my personal favorite watchable crap horror movie
    though I did see one made by a student who went on to fame and glory but I do not remember any title or names involved.
    an action cartoon with real live people!
    uncle frogy

  19. 19
    lorn

    I wouldn’t pay to see it. But, assuming you buy the tickets, and allow me to wear a hat pulled way-down low, and dark sunglasses, and see it in a theater well away from where I live, I might be persuaded to attend.

  20. 20
    Usernames are smart

    You can tell the science is real because they have Graduated Cylinders, Erlenmeyer Flasks, Boiling Flasks and Beakers on the lab bench, and all of them are pristine and unused.

  21. 21
    erikschepers

    The science is actually fake. Where are all the bubbling fluids running through swirly tubes? And not even a single electric arc?

  22. 22
    Tony! The Fucking Queer Shoop!

    The Asylum is an American film studio and distributor which focuses on producing low-budget, direct-to-video productions. The studio has produced titles that capitalize on productions by major studios, usually resorting to film titles and scripts very similar to those of current blockbusters in order to lure customers. These titles have been dubbed “mockbusters” by the press.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Asylum

    I believe Asylum films are meant to be so bad they’re entertaining. I’ve seen previews for a few of their movies and I must admit, they were entertainingly awful.

  23. 23
    pacal

    Asylum (All to accurate name.) as Tony no. 22 mentions specializes in truly cheesy and spectacularly stupid films. They are so bad that they are great fun. Recently they did a film about Lincoln hunting zombies. (Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies.) It was just has idiotic as it sounds. What made it even more bizarre was that the actor who played Lincoln was actually pretty good!?

  24. 24
    Lynna, OM

    Awesome! Many laughs per minute even in the trailer.

    Come to think of it, watching the trailer may be sufficient.

  25. 25
    julial

    I believe them all.

    But then I also believe in the Onion.

  26. 26
    Brother Yam

    Are you fucking kidding me? That’s a real thing? (The movie, that is).

  27. 27
    Marcus Ranum

    It’s about an expensive mindless powerful monster devouring another: Hollywood

  28. 28
    Marcus Ranum

    I believe Asylum films are meant to be so bad they’re entertaining.

    I hear that elective root canals as performance art are the “in” thing.

    Support your local high school troupe in a performance of Midsummer Night’s Dream with your $20. If you get 30 of your neighbors to pony up $50 you can help fund a school play. It is not necessary to swallow the endless reeking faucet of filth hollywood is giving you to gargle with.

  29. 29
    conway

    Sometimes I want filet mignon. Sometimes I just want a cheese sammich. I don’t believe in the concept of guilty pleasures. If I enjoy it, for whatever reason, I feel no guilt. I just rub my tummy and smile.

    I don’t think I have ever not enjoyed a movie with scientist cleavage.

  30. 30
    Kristjan Wager

    I have seen a few movies by The Asylum and none of them have been worth my time. I say that as someone who quite enjoy bad science fiction movies. The problem with movies from The Asylum is that they are often intentionally bad. Also, they seem to try fooling people into watching them by making similar titles to other movies out there, which is an annoying move by them.

  31. 31
    futurechemist

    If Bruce Willis can take out a helicopter with a car, then sure, why can’t a shark take out a 747?

  32. 32
    Usernames are smart

    Where are all the bubbling fluids running through swirly tubes? — erikschepers (#21)

    True dat! Have you ever seen the MSDS for colored, bubbling water? That shit will kill you and everyone you know!

    I knew something looked fishy because they left out a condenser, which is the science equivalent of the French baguette in a generic Hollywood grocery bag.

  33. 33
    mnb0

    PZ, this one is definitely for you.

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0221905/

    It’s a fine spoof of the genre.

  34. 34
    Rip Steakface

    It’s pretty much the sequel to Sharknado, if you couldn’t tell.

  35. 35
    mothra

    Still waiting for “Goats on Fire”- the movie. Plot: Flaming goats leaping from trees to incinerate Komodo dragons feeding on dead beached maga-sharks. The micro flora in the goat GI tract, resistant to most antibiotics, is spread worldwide via ocean currents. Lateral gene transfer causes resurgence of human disease and collapse of the world economy.

  36. 36
    ajeffri

    I feel dumber now.

    Since no one has posted it yet: http://www.theasylum.cc/ (warning: auto-playing video)

    I feel sorry for the people who have to admit they work there.

  37. 37
    ajeffri

    But wait…THERE’S MORE!

    They have a faith-based division: http://www.faithfilms.cc/

    It rips off G-rated films, like “Home Alone” (with a dog in the stead of Macaulay Culkin). One of the actors is Kevin Sorbo, of “Hercules” and “Andromeda.”

    It’s like they’re not even *trying* to hide the rip-off-ness of their business.

  38. 38
    ajeffri

    MY GOD I CAN’T STOP WATCHING. HELP ME

  39. 39
    birgerjohansson

    Does the documentary about the Martian invasion give proper credit to Mr. Hyde, the “bimodal” gentleman from the second novel about The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen?
    You know, the one Hyde Park is named after?

  40. 40
    pentatomid

    I think the main problem with many Asylum films isn’t the cheese levels, the crappy acting, the horrendous special effects or the completely ridiculous plots. I think the main problems is that they’re often boring as hell. I mean, look at Megashark vs. Giant Octopus. The action stuff is fucking hilarious (shark attacks airliner, shark devours part of Golden Gate Bridge, Giant Octopus lazily slaps fighter jet out of the sky, etc…). The problem is that the stuff in between feels like… well… has anyone ever seen that horrible Canadian attempt at making a Gundam live action movie (G-Saviour or something)?

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