Done!
The last student has turned in the last final exam of this semester! I’m done!
Wait, what’s this?
A pile of papers?
I have over a hundred exams and term papers to grade now.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
<curls into fetal position, sobs pathetically>
hyperdeath:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:19 am
Throw them down the stairs. Assign grades by the order in which they fall.
chigau (Chiggers):
December 13th, 2012 at 10:20 am
As long as you’re not busy any more can you do something about the links to the Dashboard?
*ducks and runs*
Ogvorbis: Exhausted and broken:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:26 am
Don’t you have some
slavesgraduate assistants to aid you? Y’know, keep your brain protected from [shudder] students?rorschach:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:30 am
Any plans for the afternoon?
;)
The Mellow Monkey: Caerie:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:31 am
Just reassign the huge staff you have running your blog to grading exams and papers.
Checkmate, PZ!
mouthyb:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:38 am
I feel your pain. *eyes the pile* It’s time for the appearance of the hip flask, so that I have a little chemical insulation from what students do to facts and grammar.
Crip Dyke, MQ, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:43 am
Bwahahahahahaha!
I have no papers at all to grade, unlike this time last year!
No, not me! All I have to do is cram 2 semester-courses of material into my brain before my 4th final tomorrow and 5th final monday.
This law school is a breeze compared to grading essay exams!
Martin Wagner:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:45 am
Oh, relax, PZ. Here, hug this cat.
carlie:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:47 am
But the nice thing about final papers is that you don’t have to write comments on them – just read and assign a grade, using any shorthand you want to keep track of your own thoughts as you go. If any of them later want the papers back, you can deal with making comments to them then.
magistramarla:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:56 am
Man, it is nice being a retired teacher. Memories of those stacks of papers to grade are fading into the distance.
Gregory in Seattle:
December 13th, 2012 at 10:57 am
Crimeny, you are a PhD! Don’t you have flunkies to do the grading for you?
Sili:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:00 am
Gah!
Thank you so much for reminding me …
caveatimperator:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:22 am
How are you going to direct your three dozen sockpuppets now? Nothing will get posted and this site will die in a few weeks!
Or will Chris take over sockpuppeting duties?
ks:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:23 am
I still have two more finals to give, one today and one tomorrow. Guess who gets to spend the weekend grading all the things?
=8)-DX:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:23 am
So… when Cthulu finally rears his betentacled head, if we just handed him a pile of unmarked exam papers would he slither back to the murky depth, sobbing? I can’t believe that’s true, our illustrious overlord has so many tentacles, short work will surely be made of this “grading” nuisance.
cicely (Possibly Too-Easily Amused):
December 13th, 2012 at 11:32 am
It may be that, between all of Pharyngula’s accumulated stacks of tests-to-be-graded, we could force Cthulhu back down into his lair by the weight of them alone.
-
Naked Bunny with a Whip:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:39 am
Don’t make me link to TV Tropes, doctor.
Larry:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:47 am
1. Find those amongst your minions to perform these duties
2. ???
3. Profit!
NitricAcid:
December 13th, 2012 at 11:57 am
One of my best students swears that she slipped her last two assignments under my door on Friday. I haven’t found them….
melissaengleman:
December 13th, 2012 at 12:24 pm
To those wondering if he has slave graders, UMM doesn’t have grad students. It’s sad for the poor profs. I’m sure PZ will get in the grading zone and have them done before next week.
=8)-DX:
December 13th, 2012 at 12:34 pm
melissaengleman
Tentacles!
Ogvorbis: Exhausted and broken:
December 13th, 2012 at 12:41 pm
I was already aware of that. That’s why I felt safe making that attempted joke. Sorry.
Bob Dowling:
December 13th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
I’m guessing Chris Clarke didn’t read the small print about being your assistant blogger. Fifty:fifty or does he get the lot?
fernando:
December 13th, 2012 at 2:10 pm
PZ, you could say, with a sad face, that “the dog eated the exams, sorry!”.
If works for students, why not for teachers?
Markita Lynda—threadrupt:
December 13th, 2012 at 2:13 pm
You can have tonight off. Tomorrow,
davidhart:
December 13th, 2012 at 2:40 pm
Sounds like you’re in need of the Vader button to comfort you.
http://nooooooooooooooo.com/
eoleen:
December 13th, 2012 at 4:00 pm
for $100.00 I’ll send you a rubber stamp that randomly varies between A+ and F- with each operation…
Karen Locke:
December 13th, 2012 at 4:33 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUnX6nBmtEw
Henry Purcell’s “Come come let us drink”.
phoenicianromans:
December 13th, 2012 at 6:18 pm
During my study, I always wanted to hand in one of my usually well-written A grade assignments handwritten clumsily in crayon just to see what would happen, but, alas, we were forced to submit electronically.
prfesser:
December 13th, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Embrace the multiple-choice final, Luke! I mean, PZ.
Furr-a-Bruin:
December 14th, 2012 at 12:24 am
Wailing, sobbing, fetal position?!
This is not behavior I would have expected from the firebrand Vorpal Teddy Bear of Atheist Doom!
Marcus Hill (mysterious and nefarious):
December 14th, 2012 at 2:58 am
I’ve made a start on my 129 items. As usual, some are already depressing me as the feedback for failing them is entirely composed of direct quotes cut and pasted from the guidance in the handbook they’ve had all semester.