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Nov 01 2012

So “Gay Power” was meant literally?

You knew this was inevitable: Hurricane Sandy is blamed on New York’s gay marriage legislation by Rabbi Noson Leiter, and on the choice of two pro-homosexual candidates for the presidency by pastor John McTernan (oh, come on, does anyone really believe Romney will be good for gays? Maybe rich ones.)

Only Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal has understood the implications. This is an amazing power that must be harnessed by America’s patriots.

27 comments

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  1. 1
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    Now that’s a renewable energy source one can rely on, considering all the things that fall under the definition of “sodomy”.

  2. 2
    Menyambal

    “Sodomy-induced lightning”.

  3. 3
    jhendrix

    Applying logic to supernatural magic men almost always ends up with hilarious consequences.

  4. 4
    Zeno

    Well-informed people already knew all about this! The science behind the sodomitical generation of hurricanes was explained in rigorous detail by the Colbert Report back in August, when hurricane Isaac assaulted Florida. (“Homosexuals are a vital part of the water cycle. That’s why the gay symbol is a rainbow.”)

  5. 5
    Randomfactor

    What’s more, gay power is homeopathic. The more the religious right seeks to diminish the proportion of gays in the general public, the worse it will be for America.

  6. 6
    marcus

    Sorry, absolutely unbelievable! When has Jehovah ever hit whatever he was aiming at? Hmmm? I’ll tell you. Fucking Never!

  7. 7
    marcus

    Ok Maybe Sodom. But we don’t really know what his target was.

  8. 8
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    marcus:

    Jehovah’s target was New York City. His timing is a might off, too. But, if a thousand years is like a second, He was pretty damn close. Only off by, what, three seconds? and a few thousand miles? Not too shabby for a perfect being.

  9. 9
    anteprepro

    Heh, I was going to use similar logic to Ogvorbis to say that he was aiming for Hitler. Obviously that isn’t the right answer though, because Hitler was White Jesus Approved.

  10. 10
    Snoof

    Sorry, absolutely unbelievable! When has Jehovah ever hit whatever he was aiming at? Hmmm? I’ll tell you. Fucking Never!

    What are you talking about? Jehovah hits things he’s aiming at all the time.

    For example, he _loathes_ church steeples. Also tall trees, low-lying coastal areas and cities built near the edges of continental plates.

  11. 11
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    So does this mean that every city that hosts a PRIDE celebration should see a tremendous energy boost each June?

  12. 12
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    Snoof:

    What are you talking about? Jehovah hits things he’s aiming at all the time.

    For example, he _loathes_ church steeples. Also tall trees, low-lying coastal areas and cities built near the edges of continental plates.

    Please.
    Everyone knows Poseidon destroys low lying coastal areas and it’s Zeus who’s destroying church steeples.

  13. 13
    robro

    Love how 21 “breaks down to 7 x 3″ and both are significant to God because they are both perfection. However, what’s most important is that 21 is half of 42, which is of course the answer to everything. So there…Doug Adams was the true prophet of Godallah. Note the name…Adams! Very significant. Do you think that’s an accident? Reading his divinely inspired words should be required in every church, synagogue, and mosque until we get to the restaurant.

  14. 14
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    robro:

    And, since the Abrahamic asshole is always presented as ‘he’, 21 is the highest ‘he’ can count.

  15. 15
    Argle Bargle

    God hates mobile homes. Notice how many are destroyed during hurricanes and tornadoes.

  16. 16
    qwerty

    On his blog Pastor John McTernan says he is hosting a radio show from his house but it may not come to pass as Sandy is heading straight for his home and the power may go out.

    Well, if Sandy was sent by God to punish gays, that must mean Pastor John is…..

    Hmmm????

  17. 17
    Loqi

    The last panel is eyeroll-inducing, but “C.I.Gay” and “big gay zeppelin” more than make up for it.

  18. 18
    Rutee Katreya

    The last panel is eyeroll-inducing, but “C.I.Gay” and “big gay zeppelin” more than make up for it.

    Really? I love the idea of gays being God’s chosen. Different strokes, I guess.

  19. 19
    Tony! The Queer Shoop

    Rutee:

    Really? I love the idea of gays being God’s chosen. Different strokes, I guess.

    It’s a good thing there’s no God then, because he treats his chosen people like crap. Just like he treats the *rest* of humanity.
    This is one gay person who glad not to be part of God’s chosen.

  20. 20
    Loqi

    Really? I love the idea of gays being God’s chosen.

    It’s not that, it’s that it doesn’t make sense. Trying to send free energy, so send earthquakes? How could we possibly harness and store that? And the hurricanes…I’m imagining god guiding it with his finger, following the gay speed boats around shouting, “Come back! I’m giving you free energy!”

    As certain Republican congressmen keep telling us, god seems to suck at gift giving.

  21. 21
    koliedrus

    I dunno.

    “Here’s a big fucking climate-change reminder right up your biggest cities during a Presidential election, Biotch”, seems to be fairly clear.

    And wiping out Jersey Shore?

    Come on. There are coincidences but, DAMN!

    The theory that reality is a simulation is starting to gain merit in my mind. It’s being controlled by a 12-year-old kid with no parental supervision.

  22. 22
    Rutee Katreya

    It’s not that, it’s that it doesn’t make sense. Trying to send free energy, so send earthquakes? How could we possibly harness and store that? And the hurricanes…I’m imagining god guiding it with his finger, following the gay speed boats around shouting, “Come back! I’m giving you free energy!”

    It sounds ridiculous, but remember, he sent an earthquake when they were in a zeppelin, not a storm. And they were hovering over some evil group or other who’s name escapes me.
    :D

  23. 23
    Loqi

    It also makes it less funny, IMO. Tricking god into doing good stuff through the overwhelming power of gay sex – funny. God saying, “No, I totally intended for that to happen” – less funny. Sure, the latter makes the homophobes look silly for misinterpreting everything, but the former makes them look even sillier for believing in the Mr. Bean of dieties.

  24. 24
    vaiyt

    It’s not that, it’s that it doesn’t make sense. Trying to send free energy, so send earthquakes?

    We’re talking about Loony Fundie Yahweh. It’s a proven fact He is omnistupid and has bad aim.

  25. 25
    robster

    Yep, it’s funny wahat these brain dead godbots have got to say, but why does anyone listen, let alone promote what they say? These are men that really believe in unicorns, talking snakes, virgin birth, life after death and the rest of the childish nonsense trotted out by victims of religious belief. These are not men to take seriously. They’re silly and deserve no publicity. I know they’re funny and we all need a laugh but really…

  26. 26
    flapjack

    I’d like to take this moment to remind everyone of this:
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/jun/16/touchdown-jesus-statue-burns-down
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/15/AR2010061505135.html
    It also occurs to me that tornado alley is traditionally an American midwest phenomenon. Maybe I’m mistaken, but on this side of the pond I was under the impression the midwest was mostly populated by evangelical christians.
    Conversely, Canal Street in Manchester UK ought to be a volcanic, hurricane devestated dustbowl but it ain’t.
    I imagine god on a cloud somewhere thinking “I have a brilliant plan to stick it to those evil gays, I’ll go and smite some religious zealots”.
    Does God get all his thunderbolts at ACME? Wile-E-Coyote had a better hit rate.

  27. 27
    rjlangley

    It’s about time people started to acknowledge the rational, scientific basis behind these ‘gays cause hurricanes’ claims.

    Think about how much bigger a gay man is than a butterfly. Chaos theory says that a butterfly flapping its wings in one place can cause strong winds elsewhere. Butterflies are flamboyantly coloured creatures that ‘come out’ of a chrysalis. If a butterfly can do so much damage, think of the destruction a gay guy can cause!

    QED.

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