I shouldn’t be this petty, given the ghastliness of these recently disclosed documents from the National Organization for Marriage. NOM is openly linking up with the Catholic Church, which is providing millions of dollars for campaigns to poison people into hating gays. They’re talking about fomenting hatred: they want to “interrupt the process of assimilation” of Hispanics into the wider culture by making gay marriage a sticking point; they say “The strategic goal of this project is to drive a wedge between gays and blacks – two key Democratic constituencies.”
This is despicable. They’re targeting minorities to train them to find a new reason to hate, an artificial reason that widens the gulf without addressing the real problems of discrimination.
That isn’t funny. Their methods aren’t funny, either: they have lots of money, and they’re throwing it into hate-mongering ads, just like the Mormon church did with Proposition 8. But one of their proposed tactics did tickle my warped sense of humor:
"Hollywood with its cultural biases is far bigger than we can hope to be. We recognize this. But we also recognize the opportunity – the disproportionate potential impact of proactively seeking to gather and connect a community of artists, athletes, writers, beauty queens and other glamorous non-cognitive elites across national boundaries."
Yeah, they’re going to recruit famous dumbasses who can fall for their lies and toxic message…because don’t you know how effective Victoria Jackson has been as a spokesperson for tea-party insanity? But I do love how they openly admit that they have to recruit stupid people…ahem, I mean “non-cognitive” people… to their cause.
Let’s help NOM out and make a list of non-cognitive elites they can recruit. I’ll start.
Victoria Jackson
Pat Boone
Chuck Norris
…
Yes! Glamor and inanity go so well together!
94 comments
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PZ Myers
29 March 2012 at 7:38 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Also, shouldn’t artists, athletes, and writers be really insulted by the implication that they’re stupid?
A. R
29 March 2012 at 7:44 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I can only hope that this serves as the Wedge Document of homophobia.
coragyps
29 March 2012 at 7:45 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I like it a lot! It makes Limbaugh into an elite!!
Ogvorbis (no relation to the Ogg family)
29 March 2012 at 7:46 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Do you really think that Kirk Cameron or Tim Tebow will realize that this insult includes them? Hell, no! They, and others like them, will jump on the chance to be counted with the non-cognitive elites.
David Marjanović
29 March 2012 at 7:46 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
This is just awesome. I feel like reading secret documents of the Republican Party of Springfield.
A. R
29 March 2012 at 7:49 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I find it rather amusing that the Catholics know that they can’t use people with functioning brain cells.
Blondin
29 March 2012 at 7:51 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Don’t forget Stephen Baldwin.
ashleybell
29 March 2012 at 7:52 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Gary Busey
Steven Segal
Ogvorbis (no relation to the Ogg family)
29 March 2012 at 7:56 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Mel Gibson
jojo
29 March 2012 at 7:59 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Patricia Heaton
A. R
29 March 2012 at 8:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The entire cast of Jersey Shore
PZ Myers
29 March 2012 at 8:05 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Uh-oh. This is too easy. This thread is going to bloat up into a monster just listing all the non-cognitive elites people can think of.
The talking heads of Fox and Friends.
Bill O’Reilly.
Sean Hannity.
Jebus, they’re invading my mind!
Ms. Daisy Cutter, Gynofascist in a Spiffy Hugo Boss Uniform
29 March 2012 at 8:14 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Artists and writers, sure. Athletes aren’t necessarily stupid, but they don’t make a living off their intellects. What’s more, our culture constructs athletic ability as nearly mutually exclusive from intellect, so that we don’t get as many people who are stellar examples of both.
If you included athletes in your question, why not include beauty queens? Shouldn’t they be insulted as well?
McCthulhu - resentful that McHastur is taller.
29 March 2012 at 8:17 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Zinnia Jones has one of the most fastidiously organized minds I have ever seen on a person. The starkest of stark contrasts to the list of non-cognitos being compiled in the thread.
Zeno
29 March 2012 at 8:21 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
And to add to the fun … the “non-cognitive” won’t recognize the insult!
Me: “Wow! You’re the most non-cognitive person I’ve ever met!”
Them: “Oh. Thank you!”
kevinalexander
29 March 2012 at 8:29 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Shouldn’t these documents be called The Protocols of the Elders of NOMnuts?
AJ Milne
29 March 2012 at 8:38 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Well, much as naming names here might be fun, I think I’m going to have way more fun with the in-person approach…
(/… seriously, the mere thought of saying to someone: ‘Dude, you should totally work for NOM!’ just warms the cockles of my black heart.)
unbound
29 March 2012 at 8:38 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I can’t believe Gretchen Carlson hasn’t been added yet. Talk about non-cognitive elite…
Porco Dio
29 March 2012 at 8:39 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hah! Zinnia looks better every vid…. nice touch with that hoodie too…
PS: Add Ray Comfort to the list of empty vessels.
Psych-Oh
29 March 2012 at 8:41 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Lauren Ashley – Ms. Beverly Hills : “I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.” Pretty and non-cognitive. They can have that beauty queen.
Aquaria
29 March 2012 at 8:44 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Who’s the phenomenally stupid dipshit on the View? The blonde one. Elizabeth something or other.
Her.
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
29 March 2012 at 8:51 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Bieber
raynfala
29 March 2012 at 8:54 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Jon Voight
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
29 March 2012 at 8:56 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Steph Meyers. Orson Scott Card. Frank Miller. Mel Gibson
reasonbeing
29 March 2012 at 8:57 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Man so sick of the religious continuously spouting hate, if they could only see their own hypocrisy.
Now to the fun:
Any of the people on Dancing with the Stars would work…they would do anything for a few bucks!
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
29 March 2012 at 8:59 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Donald Trump. Charlie Sheen.
unbound
29 March 2012 at 9:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Ooops. My prior post was invalid…I missed the comment from PZ about Fox and Friends.
However, we can still add Sarah Palin, Michele Malkin, John Stossel, and Ann Coulter.
Louis
29 March 2012 at 9:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Elite? I am having trouble with this concept as it is being applied.
I don’t, for example, consider a beauty queen/king to be an “elite”. Sure, they probably have some hard work to do (doubtless staying in that kind of shape takes effort, to name but one factor), but being better looking than average is nothing “elite” particularly.
Sure, I buy “elite” for athletes, writers even actors (although by far and away not all of them), i.e. for people who do something. Whether or not it’s something I appreciate particularly. But “celebrities”? (A word I detest passionately by the way)
These people, by simple virtue of their celebrity, are not necessarily elite. Sorry but, probably predictably, I loathe the cult of personality around “celebrity”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as guilty as anyone else, I have my heroes no matter how hard I try not to. People like Pratchett or Feynman or Ayaan Hirsi Ali or….
If all my politics or ideas have going for them is some pin up fronting them, then my politics and ideas are beyond indefensible. They are broken.
This strikes me as yet another pin on the map of “framing”. Spin the message you want to be true, not the message that is true. It’s almost an admission of brokenness.
Bah! I’m going to go and grumble next to an NMR machine.
Louis
unbound
29 March 2012 at 9:00 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Almost forgot Scott Adams.
Randomfactor
29 March 2012 at 9:03 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
They stole this idea from Scientology, of course.
Louis
29 March 2012 at 9:04 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Quoting my #28:
Because if it is I am elite as fuck. Frankly I’m GORGEOUS. No, really. My mummy said so.
Louis
mikmik
29 March 2012 at 9:28 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
They float!
Suzanne Sommers
Pteryxx
29 March 2012 at 9:33 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Louis:
Yeah, I think you do grok the concept completely. Remember, “non-cognitive elites” is THE PHRASE NOM USED. That is what they think will help them succeed.
I dunno many celebrities and someone already called Donald Trump. How about Ron Paul?
Beatrice, anormalement indécente
29 March 2012 at 9:36 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
No one mentioned Jenny McCarthy yet?
mikmik
29 March 2012 at 9:37 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Tom Cruise
lordshipmayhem
29 March 2012 at 9:39 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Meatloaf
Jenny McCarthy (of anti-vax fame)
hebergurrola
29 March 2012 at 9:51 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Really? Nobody has though of George W Bush ?? What about Kim Kardashian (I don’t know how to spell her last name, nor do I care) and Paris Hilton? No brains, no talent, no NOTHING. Pure and unadulterated non-cognitivism.
machintelligence
29 March 2012 at 9:56 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
If you allow counter-cognitive elites how about Deepak Chopra.
Geds
29 March 2012 at 9:57 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Wait. They think that writers are, as a category, “non-cognitive?” Maybe if it’s Jerry Jenkins, sure. But writers in general?
Quick! Somebody tell them to try to recruit John Scalzi and Craig Ferguson. That’ll end well for everyone involved.
thunderbird5
29 March 2012 at 10:01 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Brit non-cog no.1:
Jeremy Clarkson
JJ831
29 March 2012 at 10:03 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
OT: whenever I see the abbreviation NOM, all I can think is pacman… NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM
Pacman always did seem pretty non-cognitive
raven
29 March 2012 at 10:03 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
This is silly. As part of Hispanic assimilation, they drop out of Catholicism. IIRC 30% of Hispanics are Protestants.
I doubt it will work. Hispanics have to worry about getting jobs, learning English, dealing with discrimination, getting an education, avoiding being deported if they are illegals and so on. I doubt if gay marriage is real high on their list of things to think about.
raven
29 March 2012 at 10:06 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sounds like they are copying Scientology. Although that didn’t work so well. Tom Cruise makes a nice mannikin as long as he doesn’t say anything but John Travolta?, boring.
Ing: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream So I Comment Instead
29 March 2012 at 10:08 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@raven
They can’t solve those problems..NOM is offering them a problem they CAN affect. Its not just hatred of gays they’re offering its an illusion of influence and power. That is an emotionally tempting offer to a powerless group. Why do you think the Teaparty is popular with the most shit fucked up white people?
AJ Milne
29 March 2012 at 10:19 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hey. Wait just a minute…
Yer mom swore to me she only whispered sweet nothings like that to me!
(/Yes, I’m afraid that was mandatory.)
kevinalexander
29 March 2012 at 10:24 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Would converting to religion be a ‘Post cognitive event’?
Maybe there should be clubs for kids, with uniforms. I’m thinking snappy blue blazers (pink for the support staff) with a golden crest. A cross like the Scientology one but not so plain. Why not? Maybe something in Latin underneath.
“Non Compos Mentis”
fireweaver
29 March 2012 at 10:48 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
As far as “non-cognitive elites” go, how about all the clergy and their zombie master Jesus Christ?
A. R
29 March 2012 at 10:53 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Rick fucking Santorum
Louis
29 March 2012 at 11:02 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
AJ Milne, #45,
{Round of applause}
Ladies, Gentlemen, sundry personages of indeterminate gender and members of the press. I give you today’s first Mum Joke. Hurrah!
All be upstanding for the traditional saluting of the Mum Joke.
Louis
P.S. A.R. #48, I believe that to be his official name.
FlickingYourSwitch
29 March 2012 at 11:04 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
When you find yourself thinking “My ideas of hate and bigotry continually fail to convince the thinking elite,” maybe the very next thought should not be “perhaps I can convince dumbasses instead?” The fact that you need to do that, should tell you something.
sonicdaddy
29 March 2012 at 12:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
While NOM is ridiculous, “non-cognitive” may not be quite the insult you think it is, being related to “non-cognitivism”. Definition of “non-cognitivism from Answers.com:
It’s also used in education to refer to the development of non-cognitive skills in children.
Of course, I’m not sure in what sense NOM used it.
w00dview
29 March 2012 at 12:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I have two more non-cogs to add to the British side: Richard Littlejohn and Melanie Phillips.
sherylyoung
29 March 2012 at 12:24 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Ted Nugent. I hate him with a passion.
We hunt for meat that is healthier and has had a decent life. Nugent makes us all look bad. (I hate factory farming and feed lots as much as I hate Nugent.)
Additionally, my big brother was drafted into the Marines. (It happened back then when they didn’t make their quota.) Unlike Nugent he presented himself honestly and ended up dead at 19yo.
epikt
29 March 2012 at 12:25 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
w00dview:
“Lord” Monckton
unclefrogy
29 March 2012 at 12:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
>>Maybe there should be clubs for kids, with uniforms. I’m thinking snappy blue blazers (pink for the support staff) with a golden crest. A cross like …..<<
I think that was done before and they used brown instead of blue
same idea anyway
uncle frogy
Watt
29 March 2012 at 12:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Pauly Shore.
/thread
w00dview
29 March 2012 at 12:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
epikt:
Good choice! I’m kicking myself for not thinking of that fruitloop.
AJ Milne
29 March 2012 at 12:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Re #49:
Well, y’know, we must continue to respect internet traditions. How else shall we distinguish ourselves from those savages of uncouth character that inhabit the uncivilized hinterlands*?
(/Besides, of course, the tradition that yea, wherever two or three are gathered in one place, they shall perform the parrot sketch.)
(*/Like, say, Reddit.)
andrewbrown
29 March 2012 at 1:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Let us not forget Pastor Ray Mummert
Rieux
29 March 2012 at 1:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sonicdaddy @51: If you watch the embedded video (which is extremely well done, BTW), you’ll see that, in the document in which NOM uses the term “non-cognitive,” they use the term “non-intellectual” several words later as an effectively interchangeable synonym. So I don’t think they’re talking about noncognitivism or anything else that’s that, er, intellectual.
I also think that right-wing politicians and pundits (including just about every employee of the Fox News and Fox Business channels) ought to be disqualified from the search going on in this thread. The populace is well aware that, say, Rick Santorum and Sean Hannity are drooling homophobes; whatever help that kind of person could provide to NOM’s attempts to make Americans hate GLBTs, they’re already providing it.
Surely the targets for NOM’s search have to be people who are famous (or semi-famous) for something other than being politically right-wing.
Grumps
29 March 2012 at 1:31 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“Lord” Monckton and Clarckson are excellent British candidates. How about adding Princes Charles and Philip to the list.
Louis
29 March 2012 at 2:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Grumps, #61,
Oh come now, you cannot add Prince Philip to the list. The man is a genius. Granted, it’s not the good kind of genius, but that level of diplomatic incompetence takes more than mere practise. That there is the perfect coupling of years of bred in racism, privilege, sexism and cluelessness at a genetic level. You don’t get that by just trying hard. It’s natural talent.
Louis
sheila
29 March 2012 at 2:13 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
How can you claim to be patriotic when you hate and despise so many of your fellow citizens?
Grumps
29 March 2012 at 2:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
A natural candidate then? Genius of a complete fuckwit, but it came naturally. He didn’t even have to work hard or be good at anything. In-breeding will do that for you. Non-cognitive elite describes him perfectly. A perfect recruit.
brucefong
29 March 2012 at 2:33 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Saying ‘non-cogs’ reminds me of the ‘pre-cogs’ of Minority Report. Except they are mute and drooling.
opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces
29 March 2012 at 2:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
sheila, are you joking or are you non-cognitive?
mikee
29 March 2012 at 2:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@Sheila # 63
Since when did being patriotic mean accepting the views of stupid people? I consider it perfectly patriotic to want my country to be run and influenced by people with intelligence and compassion, not by catering to the lowest common denominator
ethanhobart
29 March 2012 at 2:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Dave Mustaine.
opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces
29 March 2012 at 2:49 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
… and hey, at least we don’t insist they’re going to be tortured for eternity. That’s quite some hate and scorn.
Beatrice, anormalement indécente
29 March 2012 at 2:58 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Finally, I can observe a meme being made. And it’s a good one.
robro
29 March 2012 at 3:01 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Of course, the RCC in California also heavily supported the Prop 8 effort, as well as the Mormals. The night of the election, I was in San Mateo and passed Saint Matthew Catholic Church and school. Across El Camino Real from the church/school, a large group of teens was holding signs and shouting slogans in support of Prop 8. Many of the signs had crosses and other Christian symbols on them, and together with the location, I was confident this was a political endorsement organized by the church.
flevitan
29 March 2012 at 3:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Noncognitive elites – are they the 99% or the 1%? – Discuss.
'Tis Himself, OM
29 March 2012 at 3:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Kirk Cameron, Charlton Heston, Ben Stein, Susan Lucci, Sylvester Stallone
speedweasel
29 March 2012 at 3:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Jim Carey will apparently fall for anything.
http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/badastronomy/2009/04/23/jim-carrey-loves-the-pro-disease-movement/
josh
29 March 2012 at 3:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hm, nobody’s yet mentioned Dinesh? He’s a writer, and he’s got enough noncognitive for a whole country.
madscientist
29 March 2012 at 4:00 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Is “Hispanic” the new black? Or is the NOM trying to get various minorities to hate the homosexuals?
chrislawson
29 March 2012 at 4:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“Non-cognitive elite” is the new “reality-based community” and “pathetic level of detail.”
SC (Salty Current), OM
29 March 2012 at 4:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Meat doesn’t live. I believe you mean animals.
coffeehound
29 March 2012 at 4:25 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sheila,
Wait, you would like them to get a pass on the kind of stupidity that damages our country and quite frankly makes any national dialog impossible out of…patriotism?(There are other countries represented here, by the way, with their own nominations)
This is a group that promotes exploiting dischord among minority groups for their own political gain….
maybe you should have asked them that question first.
KG
29 March 2012 at 4:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Well, I’d say the entire British royal family, indeed the entire hereditary aristocracy, is about as fine an example of a non-cognitive elite as you could want.
Grumps
29 March 2012 at 4:52 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Quite so.
Walton!?!?!
Caine, Fleur du Mal
29 March 2012 at 4:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Sheila:
Patriotism is seriously overrated. What the non-cognitives tend to preach & screech isn’t patriotism as much as it is jingoism.
Caine, Fleur du Mal
29 March 2012 at 4:55 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
opposablethumbs:
Ooooh, you’ve won a sniny internets.
opposablethumbs, que le pouce enragé mette les pouces
29 March 2012 at 5:05 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Caine, I’m honoured and will wear it with pride.
gravityisjustatheory
29 March 2012 at 5:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Another for the British contingent: Anne Atkins.
A. Noyd
29 March 2012 at 5:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
flevitan (#72)
They’re 99% of the 1%.
aaroncornwell
29 March 2012 at 5:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“Non-cognitive elites”.
I love that this turns stupidity into an achievement.
DLC
29 March 2012 at 7:24 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Anyone currently employed by Rupert Murdoch seems like fair game.
Speaking of which, Geraldo Rivera seems to have posted another “apology” online.
Add him to the list. pRick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Mitt “Severely Conservative” Romney should be at the top.
Yes, the haters want to recruit everybody who doesn’t think but feels, who emotes instead of cognates. Also known as “The Easily Led”
Stacy
29 March 2012 at 11:37 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
@Louis #28
“Celebrity” is a perfectly good word. I think it covers anyone who has achieved a certain level of high status, whether or not they “did anything” to earn it.
Primates tend to be fascinated by “celebrities”. Doesn’t matter if the activity that led to the status is worthwhile or not (historically, people often were simply born into their status-level.) http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/WaterCooler/story?id=623557&page=1#.T3U4MGE7Vlc
Stacy
29 March 2012 at 11:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
…and of course, that still happens (cf Prince Charles or any royal anywhere, and Paris Hilton.)
Stacy
29 March 2012 at 11:41 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Dave Mustaine.
Louis
30 March 2012 at 3:12 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Stacy, #89,
Oooh! Thanks for that! I learned something. Today is not wasted.
Louis
Sili
30 March 2012 at 5:47 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Is he actually stupid? Reprehensible, yes, but if it wasn’t for his advocacy, I’d never have heard of I.K. Brunel.
Sili
30 March 2012 at 6:04 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
-log(Rick)
What does that mean?