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Mar 29 2012

I have a new favorite insult!

I shouldn’t be this petty, given the ghastliness of these recently disclosed documents from the National Organization for Marriage. NOM is openly linking up with the Catholic Church, which is providing millions of dollars for campaigns to poison people into hating gays. They’re talking about fomenting hatred: they want to “interrupt the process of assimilation” of Hispanics into the wider culture by making gay marriage a sticking point; they say “The strategic goal of this project is to drive a wedge between gays and blacks – two key Democratic constituencies.”

This is despicable. They’re targeting minorities to train them to find a new reason to hate, an artificial reason that widens the gulf without addressing the real problems of discrimination.

That isn’t funny. Their methods aren’t funny, either: they have lots of money, and they’re throwing it into hate-mongering ads, just like the Mormon church did with Proposition 8. But one of their proposed tactics did tickle my warped sense of humor:

"Hollywood with its cultural biases is far bigger than we can hope to be. We recognize this. But we also recognize the opportunity – the disproportionate potential impact of proactively seeking to gather and connect a community of artists, athletes, writers, beauty queens and other glamorous non-cognitive elites across national boundaries."

Yeah, they’re going to recruit famous dumbasses who can fall for their lies and toxic message…because don’t you know how effective Victoria Jackson has been as a spokesperson for tea-party insanity? But I do love how they openly admit that they have to recruit stupid people…ahem, I mean “non-cognitive” people… to their cause.


Let’s help NOM out and make a list of non-cognitive elites they can recruit. I’ll start.

Victoria Jackson
Pat Boone
Chuck Norris

Yes! Glamor and inanity go so well together!

94 comments

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  1. 1
    PZ Myers

    Also, shouldn’t artists, athletes, and writers be really insulted by the implication that they’re stupid?

  2. 2
    A. R

    I can only hope that this serves as the Wedge Document of homophobia.

  3. 3
    coragyps

    I like it a lot! It makes Limbaugh into an elite!!

  4. 4
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Also, shouldn’t artists, athletes, and writers be really insulted by the implication that they’re stupid?

    Do you really think that Kirk Cameron or Tim Tebow will realize that this insult includes them? Hell, no! They, and others like them, will jump on the chance to be counted with the non-cognitive elites.

  5. 5
    David Marjanović

    This is just awesome. I feel like reading secret documents of the Republican Party of Springfield.

  6. 6
    A. R

    I find it rather amusing that the Catholics know that they can’t use people with functioning brain cells.

  7. 7
    Blondin

    Don’t forget Stephen Baldwin.

  8. 8
    ashleybell

    Gary Busey
    Steven Segal

  9. 9
    Ogvorbis: Still failing at being human.

    Mel Gibson

  10. 10
    jojo

    Patricia Heaton

  11. 11
    A. R

    The entire cast of Jersey Shore

  12. 12
    PZ Myers

    Uh-oh. This is too easy. This thread is going to bloat up into a monster just listing all the non-cognitive elites people can think of.

    The talking heads of Fox and Friends.

    Bill O’Reilly.

    Sean Hannity.

    Jebus, they’re invading my mind!

  13. 13
    Ms. Daisy Cutter, General Manager for the Cleveland Steamers

    Also, shouldn’t artists, athletes, and writers be really insulted by the implication that they’re stupid?

    Artists and writers, sure. Athletes aren’t necessarily stupid, but they don’t make a living off their intellects. What’s more, our culture constructs athletic ability as nearly mutually exclusive from intellect, so that we don’t get as many people who are stellar examples of both.

    If you included athletes in your question, why not include beauty queens? Shouldn’t they be insulted as well?

  14. 14
    McCthulhu, now with -25% less fat.

    Zinnia Jones has one of the most fastidiously organized minds I have ever seen on a person. The starkest of stark contrasts to the list of non-cognitos being compiled in the thread.

  15. 15
    Zeno

    And to add to the fun … the “non-cognitive” won’t recognize the insult!

    Me: “Wow! You’re the most non-cognitive person I’ve ever met!”

    Them: “Oh. Thank you!”

  16. 16
    kevinalexander

    Shouldn’t these documents be called The Protocols of the Elders of NOMnuts?

  17. 17
    AJ Milne

    Well, much as naming names here might be fun, I think I’m going to have way more fun with the in-person approach…

    (/… seriously, the mere thought of saying to someone: ‘Dude, you should totally work for NOM!’ just warms the cockles of my black heart.)

  18. 18
    unbound

    I can’t believe Gretchen Carlson hasn’t been added yet. Talk about non-cognitive elite…

  19. 19
    Porco Dio

    Hah! Zinnia looks better every vid…. nice touch with that hoodie too…

    PS: Add Ray Comfort to the list of empty vessels.

  20. 20
    Psych-Oh

    Lauren Ashley – Ms. Beverly Hills : “I feel like God himself created mankind and he loves everyone, and he has the best for everyone. If he says that having sex with someone of your same gender is going to bring death upon you, that’s a pretty stern warning, and he knows more than we do about life.” Pretty and non-cognitive. They can have that beauty queen.

  21. 21
    Aquaria

    Who’s the phenomenally stupid dipshit on the View? The blonde one. Elizabeth something or other.

    Her.

  22. 22
    Ing

    Bieber

  23. 23
    raynfala

    Jon Voight

  24. 24
    Ing

    Steph Meyers. Orson Scott Card. Frank Miller. Mel Gibson

  25. 25
    reasonbeing

    Man so sick of the religious continuously spouting hate, if they could only see their own hypocrisy.

    Now to the fun:
    Any of the people on Dancing with the Stars would work…they would do anything for a few bucks!

  26. 26
    Ing

    Donald Trump. Charlie Sheen.

  27. 27
    unbound

    Ooops. My prior post was invalid…I missed the comment from PZ about Fox and Friends.

    However, we can still add Sarah Palin, Michele Malkin, John Stossel, and Ann Coulter.

  28. 28
    Louis

    Elite? I am having trouble with this concept as it is being applied.

    I don’t, for example, consider a beauty queen/king to be an “elite”. Sure, they probably have some hard work to do (doubtless staying in that kind of shape takes effort, to name but one factor), but being better looking than average is nothing “elite” particularly.

    Sure, I buy “elite” for athletes, writers even actors (although by far and away not all of them), i.e. for people who do something. Whether or not it’s something I appreciate particularly. But “celebrities”? (A word I detest passionately by the way)

    These people, by simple virtue of their celebrity, are not necessarily elite. Sorry but, probably predictably, I loathe the cult of personality around “celebrity”. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as guilty as anyone else, I have my heroes no matter how hard I try not to. People like Pratchett or Feynman or Ayaan Hirsi Ali or….

    If all my politics or ideas have going for them is some pin up fronting them, then my politics and ideas are beyond indefensible. They are broken.

    This strikes me as yet another pin on the map of “framing”. Spin the message you want to be true, not the message that is true. It’s almost an admission of brokenness.

    Bah! I’m going to go and grumble next to an NMR machine.

    Louis

  29. 29
    unbound

    Almost forgot Scott Adams.

  30. 30
    Randomfactor

    They stole this idea from Scientology, of course.

  31. 31
    Louis

    Quoting my #28:

    …but being better looking than average is nothing “elite” particularly.

    Because if it is I am elite as fuck. Frankly I’m GORGEOUS. No, really. My mummy said so.

    Louis

  32. 32
    mikmik

    They float!
    Suzanne Sommers

  33. 33
    Pteryxx

    Louis:

    If all my politics or ideas have going for them is some pin up fronting them, then my politics and ideas are beyond indefensible. They are broken.

    This strikes me as yet another pin on the map of “framing”. Spin the message you want to be true, not the message that is true. It’s almost an admission of brokenness.

    Yeah, I think you do grok the concept completely. Remember, “non-cognitive elites” is THE PHRASE NOM USED. That is what they think will help them succeed.

    I dunno many celebrities and someone already called Donald Trump. How about Ron Paul?

  34. 34
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    No one mentioned Jenny McCarthy yet?

  35. 35
    mikmik

    Tom Cruise

  36. 36
    lordshipmayhem

    Meatloaf
    Jenny McCarthy (of anti-vax fame)

  37. 37
    hebergurrola

    Really? Nobody has though of George W Bush ?? What about Kim Kardashian (I don’t know how to spell her last name, nor do I care) and Paris Hilton? No brains, no talent, no NOTHING. Pure and unadulterated non-cognitivism.

  38. 38
    machintelligence

    If you allow counter-cognitive elites how about Deepak Chopra.

  39. 39
    Geds

    Wait. They think that writers are, as a category, “non-cognitive?” Maybe if it’s Jerry Jenkins, sure. But writers in general?

    Quick! Somebody tell them to try to recruit John Scalzi and Craig Ferguson. That’ll end well for everyone involved.

  40. 40
    thunderbird5

    Brit non-cog no.1:

    Jeremy Clarkson

  41. 41
    JJ831

    OT: whenever I see the abbreviation NOM, all I can think is pacman… NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

    Pacman always did seem pretty non-cognitive

  42. 42
    raven

    They’re talking about fomenting hatred: they want to “interrupt the process of assimilation” of Hispanics into the wider culture by making gay marriage a sticking point;

    This is silly. As part of Hispanic assimilation, they drop out of Catholicism. IIRC 30% of Hispanics are Protestants.

    I doubt it will work. Hispanics have to worry about getting jobs, learning English, dealing with discrimination, getting an education, avoiding being deported if they are illegals and so on. I doubt if gay marriage is real high on their list of things to think about.

  43. 43
    raven

    Yeah, they’re going to recruit famous dumbasses who can fall for their lies and toxic message…because don’t you know how effective Victoria Jackson has been as a spokesperson for tea-party insanity.

    Sounds like they are copying Scientology. Although that didn’t work so well. Tom Cruise makes a nice mannikin as long as he doesn’t say anything but John Travolta?, boring.

  44. 44
    Ing

    @raven

    They can’t solve those problems..NOM is offering them a problem they CAN affect. Its not just hatred of gays they’re offering its an illusion of influence and power. That is an emotionally tempting offer to a powerless group. Why do you think the Teaparty is popular with the most shit fucked up white people?

  45. 45
    AJ Milne

    … Frankly I’m GORGEOUS. No, really. My mummy said so.

    Hey. Wait just a minute…

    Yer mom swore to me she only whispered sweet nothings like that to me!

    (/Yes, I’m afraid that was mandatory.)

  46. 46
    kevinalexander

    Would converting to religion be a ‘Post cognitive event’?

    Maybe there should be clubs for kids, with uniforms. I’m thinking snappy blue blazers (pink for the support staff) with a golden crest. A cross like the Scientology one but not so plain. Why not? Maybe something in Latin underneath.

    “Non Compos Mentis”

  47. 47
    fireweaver

    As far as “non-cognitive elites” go, how about all the clergy and their zombie master Jesus Christ?

  48. 48
    A. R

    Rick fucking Santorum

  49. 49
    Louis

    AJ Milne, #45,

    {Round of applause}

    Ladies, Gentlemen, sundry personages of indeterminate gender and members of the press. I give you today’s first Mum Joke. Hurrah!

    All be upstanding for the traditional saluting of the Mum Joke.

    Louis

    P.S. A.R. #48, I believe that to be his official name.

  50. 50
    FlickingYourSwitch

    When you find yourself thinking “My ideas of hate and bigotry continually fail to convince the thinking elite,” maybe the very next thought should not be “perhaps I can convince dumbasses instead?” The fact that you need to do that, should tell you something.

  51. 51
    sonicdaddy

    While NOM is ridiculous, “non-cognitive” may not be quite the insult you think it is, being related to “non-cognitivism”. Definition of “non-cognitivism from Answers.com:

    A common but potentially misleading title for projectivist, expressivist, emotive, or prescriptive theories of ethics. A state of mind is non-cognitive if it involves no cognition or knowledge of any kind. A pure example might be a sensation such as a tickle, or a mood such as elation. Doctrines such as expressivism deny that ethical commitments represent features in their objects; instead they express attitudes of their possessors. Hence, it is supposed, there is nothing ethical to know, for knowledge aims to track or represent independent truths about things. This justifies labelling such doctrines as non-cognitive.

    It’s also used in education to refer to the development of non-cognitive skills in children.

    Of course, I’m not sure in what sense NOM used it.

  52. 52
    w00dview

    Brit non-cog no.1:

    Jeremy Clarkson

    I have two more non-cogs to add to the British side: Richard Littlejohn and Melanie Phillips.

  53. 53
    sherylyoung

    Ted Nugent. I hate him with a passion.

    We hunt for meat that is healthier and has had a decent life. Nugent makes us all look bad. (I hate factory farming and feed lots as much as I hate Nugent.)

    Additionally, my big brother was drafted into the Marines. (It happened back then when they didn’t make their quota.) Unlike Nugent he presented himself honestly and ended up dead at 19yo.

  54. 54
    epikt

    w00dview:

    I have two more non-cogs to add to the British side: Richard Littlejohn and Melanie Phillips.

    “Lord” Monckton

  55. 55
    unclefrogy

    >>Maybe there should be clubs for kids, with uniforms. I’m thinking snappy blue blazers (pink for the support staff) with a golden crest. A cross like …..<<

    I think that was done before and they used brown instead of blue

    same idea anyway
    uncle frogy

  56. 56
    Watt

    Pauly Shore.

    /thread

  57. 57
    w00dview

    epikt:

    “Lord” Monckton

    Good choice! I’m kicking myself for not thinking of that fruitloop.

  58. 58
    AJ Milne

    Re #49:

    Well, y’know, we must continue to respect internet traditions. How else shall we distinguish ourselves from those savages of uncouth character that inhabit the uncivilized hinterlands*?

    (/Besides, of course, the tradition that yea, wherever two or three are gathered in one place, they shall perform the parrot sketch.)

    (*/Like, say, Reddit.)

  59. 59
    andrewbrown not the one from the grauniad

    Let us not forget Pastor Ray Mummert

    We’ve been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture

  60. 60
    Rieux

    Sonicdaddy @51: If you watch the embedded video (which is extremely well done, BTW), you’ll see that, in the document in which NOM uses the term “non-cognitive,” they use the term “non-intellectual” several words later as an effectively interchangeable synonym. So I don’t think they’re talking about noncognitivism or anything else that’s that, er, intellectual.

    I also think that right-wing politicians and pundits (including just about every employee of the Fox News and Fox Business channels) ought to be disqualified from the search going on in this thread. The populace is well aware that, say, Rick Santorum and Sean Hannity are drooling homophobes; whatever help that kind of person could provide to NOM’s attempts to make Americans hate GLBTs, they’re already providing it.

    Surely the targets for NOM’s search have to be people who are famous (or semi-famous) for something other than being politically right-wing.

  61. 61
    Grumps

    “Lord” Monckton and Clarckson are excellent British candidates. How about adding Princes Charles and Philip to the list.

  62. 62
    Louis

    Grumps, #61,

    Oh come now, you cannot add Prince Philip to the list. The man is a genius. Granted, it’s not the good kind of genius, but that level of diplomatic incompetence takes more than mere practise. That there is the perfect coupling of years of bred in racism, privilege, sexism and cluelessness at a genetic level. You don’t get that by just trying hard. It’s natural talent.

    Louis

  63. 63
    sheila

    How can you claim to be patriotic when you hate and despise so many of your fellow citizens?

  64. 64
    Grumps

    A natural candidate then? Genius of a complete fuckwit, but it came naturally. He didn’t even have to work hard or be good at anything. In-breeding will do that for you. Non-cognitive elite describes him perfectly. A perfect recruit.

  65. 65
    betakappa

    Saying ‘non-cogs’ reminds me of the ‘pre-cogs’ of Minority Report. Except they are mute and drooling.

  66. 66
    opposablethumbs

    sheila, are you joking or are you non-cognitive?

  67. 67
    mikee

    @Sheila # 63

    Since when did being patriotic mean accepting the views of stupid people? I consider it perfectly patriotic to want my country to be run and influenced by people with intelligence and compassion, not by catering to the lowest common denominator

  68. 68
    ethanhobart

    Dave Mustaine.

  69. 69
    opposablethumbs

    … and hey, at least we don’t insist they’re going to be tortured for eternity. That’s quite some hate and scorn.

  70. 70
    Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought

    sheila, are you joking or are you non-cognitive?

    Finally, I can observe a meme being made. And it’s a good one.

  71. 71
    robro

    Of course, the RCC in California also heavily supported the Prop 8 effort, as well as the Mormals. The night of the election, I was in San Mateo and passed Saint Matthew Catholic Church and school. Across El Camino Real from the church/school, a large group of teens was holding signs and shouting slogans in support of Prop 8. Many of the signs had crosses and other Christian symbols on them, and together with the location, I was confident this was a political endorsement organized by the church.

  72. 72
    flevitan

    Noncognitive elites – are they the 99% or the 1%? – Discuss.

  73. 73
    'Tis Himself

    Kirk Cameron, Charlton Heston, Ben Stein, Susan Lucci, Sylvester Stallone

  74. 74
  75. 75
    josh

    Hm, nobody’s yet mentioned Dinesh? He’s a writer, and he’s got enough noncognitive for a whole country.

  76. 76
    madscientist

    Is “Hispanic” the new black? Or is the NOM trying to get various minorities to hate the homosexuals?

  77. 77
    chrislawson

    “Non-cognitive elite” is the new “reality-based community” and “pathetic level of detail.”

  78. 78
    SC (Salty Current), OM

    We hunt for meat that is healthier and has had a decent life.

    Meat doesn’t live. I believe you mean animals.

  79. 79
    coffeehound

    Sheila,

    How can you claim to be patriotic when you hate and despise so many of your fellow citizens?

    Wait, you would like them to get a pass on the kind of stupidity that damages our country and quite frankly makes any national dialog impossible out of…patriotism?(There are other countries represented here, by the way, with their own nominations)
    This is a group that promotes exploiting dischord among minority groups for their own political gain….
    maybe you should have asked them that question first.

  80. 80
    Nick Gotts

    “Lord” Monckton and Clarckson are excellent British candidates. How about adding Princes Charles and Philip to the list. – Grumps

    Well, I’d say the entire British royal family, indeed the entire hereditary aristocracy, is about as fine an example of a non-cognitive elite as you could want.

  81. 81
    Grumps

    Well, I’d say the entire British royal family, indeed the entire hereditary aristocracy, is about as fine an example of a non-cognitive elite as you could want.

    Quite so.

    Walton!?!?!

  82. 82
    Inaji

    Sheila:

    How can you claim to be patriotic when you hate and despise so many of your fellow citizens?

    Patriotism is seriously overrated. What the non-cognitives tend to preach & screech isn’t patriotism as much as it is jingoism.

  83. 83
    Inaji

    opposablethumbs:

    sheila, are you joking or are you non-cognitive?

    Ooooh, you’ve won a sniny internets.

  84. 84
    opposablethumbs

    Caine, I’m honoured and will wear it with pride.

  85. 85
    gravityisjustatheory

    Another for the British contingent: Anne Atkins.

  86. 86
    A. Noyd

    flevitan (#72)

    Noncognitive elites – are they the 99% or the 1%? – Discuss.

    They’re 99% of the 1%.

  87. 87
    aaroncornwell

    “Non-cognitive elites”.

    I love that this turns stupidity into an achievement.

  88. 88
    DLC

    Anyone currently employed by Rupert Murdoch seems like fair game.
    Speaking of which, Geraldo Rivera seems to have posted another “apology” online.
    Add him to the list. pRick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Mitt “Severely Conservative” Romney should be at the top.

    Yes, the haters want to recruit everybody who doesn’t think but feels, who emotes instead of cognates. Also known as “The Easily Led”

  89. 89
    Stacy

    @Louis #28

    Sure, I buy “elite” for athletes, writers even actors (although by far and away not all of them), i.e. for people who do something. Whether or not it’s something I appreciate particularly. But “celebrities”? (A word I detest passionately by the way)

    “Celebrity” is a perfectly good word. I think it covers anyone who has achieved a certain level of high status, whether or not they “did anything” to earn it.

    Primates tend to be fascinated by “celebrities”. Doesn’t matter if the activity that led to the status is worthwhile or not (historically, people often were simply born into their status-level.) http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/WaterCooler/story?id=623557&page=1#.T3U4MGE7Vlc

  90. 90
    Stacy

    people often were simply born into their status-level

    …and of course, that still happens (cf Prince Charles or any royal anywhere, and Paris Hilton.)

  91. 91
    Stacy

    Dave Mustaine.

  92. 92
    Louis

    Stacy, #89,

    Oooh! Thanks for that! I learned something. Today is not wasted.

    Louis

  93. 93
    Sili

    Brit non-cog no.1:

    Jeremy Clarkson

    Is he actually stupid? Reprehensible, yes, but if it wasn’t for his advocacy, I’d never have heard of I.K. Brunel.

  94. 94
    Sili

    pRick Santorum

    -log(Rick)

    What does that mean?

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