Hooray! You promise? Can I help?
The ever-demented Michael Voris, Real Catholic™ has a new video out in which he identifies unambiguously the first domino that will cause the collapse of Catholic morality: masturbation.
He does look like a world-class expert in wanking, and he must enjoy the subject since he promises to talk about it for hours, but I think that rather than just babbling about it, action is more important. I want you all to make some time this week to “destroy Catholicism”, my new favorite euphemism for jacking/jilling off.
You know, suddenly Bill Donohue’s mad rantings sound extremely filthy.
My Brazilian friend and I destroy catholicism over skype at the same time in two different countries most nights. Top that!
Is there are target number of hours we are aiming at here? I mean, I want to get the job done right.
I am off to the loo to destroy Catholicism right now.
If someone helps me is that also destroying Catholicism? Because I reckon I can get the Mrs to destroy some Catholicism this evening with me. We may also cause the breakdown of society.
Louis
This guy’s a complete wanker, tosser, or whatever other (UK) term of abuse you want to fix to him. Doesn’t he know his whole topic was covered more fully and tunefully in Monty Python’s The Meaning Of Life? (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-L3JMk7C1A).
“I want you all to make some time this week to “destroy Catholicism”, my new favorite euphemism for jacking/jilling off.” Fine, PZ, but let’s go for the whole thing: next time we jack off, let’s all wear a condom as well!
This has been my mission in life for many years…getting quite good at it as well!
Uh, I hate to ask the question, but how can a not existent structure collapse? Isn’t saying the “collapse of Catholic morality” a lot like saying “the extinction of the snuffleupagus?”
The again, this guy has said that the collapse of western society happened with the reformation. So maybe he is a bit fuzzy on the meaning of the word ‘collapse.’
The elephantine of the Apocalypse
I sure hope activities with the wife count, because I’ve got a GGG spouse and haven’t had to engage in solitary gratification for years. I may have forgotten how.
But I’m pretty sure we can come up with something damnable.
Oooh, Mister’s home today, we can destroy Catholicism together this evening. Fun!
Franko:
You do know that women are fully capable of destroying Catholicism as well, right?
Waitaminit!!!
Is this like praying‽‽‽
I doing all I can Captain! Damnit, PZ, I’m a bookseller not a master debater.
Nice to know I go all Charles Manson on Catholicism when I’m bored.
I guess that means a circle jerk is an army?
Well that’s Catholicism destroyed. I might have a another bash at it later, really put the {ahem} nail in the coffin so to speak.
Louis
Awww I was expected a song and dance routine performed by flat-cap wearing workers; back-flipping children and high-kicking nuns.
Caine,
Yep, but this moron’s talking solely about jacking off and wiping the proceeds on the nearest sock or curtain.
Oooh, kinky.
Franko:
It’s very Catholic, to utterly ignore women, which is a very good reason to make sure they’re aware that women are happily engaged in destroying Catholicism too, rather than being submissive incubators in waiting.
PZ, #7,
Well we were informed by our recently banned trollish chum Sixdays that cumulonimbus and horatio* can cause the destruction of society just like Teh Ghey can. And although I have seen {cough} “instructional documentaries” on the topic, I believe those acts to be far easier to perform with another person present. I’m sure a GGG spouse would be an asset, and equally socially destructive.
We can but hope that as society falls due to our wanton acts of shameless perversion, Catholicism takes a hit.
Mind you, given the recent trend in blatantly anti-sex religious activity, I’m trying to work out precisely which acts don’t offend group X/destroy society/warp children’s fragile little minds/result in the destruction of an organisation known for it’s covering up of child abuse and protection of child abusers. At the rate these religious people are going, my wife and I engaging in pretty vanilla foreplay is going to cause wailing and gnashing of teeth the world over. And not in the good way.
I mean, what if we tried a slightly more exotic position than “brace yerself, lights off, socks on, missionary” and I lifted a leg from the floor? Volcanoes? We know boobs cause earthquakes, does doggy fashion cause eruptions? Is reverse cowgirl responsible for tsunamis? Does the rusty trombone (SFW song) cause plagues of locusts? Enquiring minds want to know. I plan on doing some research.
{Dons appropriate PPE}
To the LAB!
Louis
*Or cunnilingus and fellatio if you don’t read Viz.
Well my work is done for today.
Bumper sticker of the week:
Expelling Catholicism a teaspoon at a time.
I do like beating my meat, but I don’t like the idea of anyone else doing it, especially wimminz. How to solve the problem?
That’s not Michael Voris. That’s Jon Stewart with a wig.
Seriously, though, or not so seriously, a friend of mine used to use the euphemism “punish the bishop.” So I guess it will be a top-down collapse.
I’m with you on this one PZ. In fact, I’m somewhat ahead of you on this one. I am an old lady who routinely destroys Catholicism. Not as often as I used to, perhaps, but I can definitely do my part on this great project.
And yes, you can destroy Catholicism with your wife, as long as you do it without any intention of having more offspring. Bonus points if you actively avoid having offspring.
Where do these chucklenuts like Voris come up with this crap? Can’t he ration out on his own, that if he was right, the whole Church idea would have died out about 2,000 years ago, about 4 hours after the first group of men sat around and planned things out? You know they were wanking within hours of that very first meeting.
I’d have a go at destroying catholicism right now, after all I’m on a two week business trip. What is a man to do.
But no, I’m not in the mood… I happen to be in a lil country called South-Korea and I just kind of experienced what it’s like to be a PoC in certain parts of the US. Today was frustrating, scary even at times, and definitely frustrating. Thirteen more to go. Oh joy.
Er, does this mean Franc Hoggle has done a great deal for the cause of destroying Catholicism?
Voris has stated that what we really need is to re-establish a monarchy here. A Catholic monarchy, of course. People will be allowed to vote on appropriate legislation, but only Catholics in good standing with the Church will be considered citizens.
So yeah, he’s fucking nuts.
I’m hoggling right now.
Totally classic post, PZ! I’m a wankering fool from now on in hopes of a quick demise of all catholics….and lutherans, and methodists, etc, etc.
See, I told you, swaggeringpenis = gilipollas.
You know, looking at the pictures at the link in the OP, I think I have figured out Voris’ problem. That thing on his head is obviously eating his brains. The poor man.
(Seriously, have not seen such bad hair in ages)
PZ: I believe the answer for the married folks is simple: just have sex for pleasure and without the intention of reproduction. Bam! The Pope is reeling and St. Peter’s is falling down, falling down.
robro:
I’ve been doing that for 39 years. Has it made a dent yet?
Confessional booths are great places to jerk off. It’s private, it’s usually completely silent, and no one’ll ever barge in on you. I highly recommend it; all of my best wanks and most mind-blowing orgasms took place in a booth. You do get it all over the wall, but as long as you bring a towel and some Glad, you’ll be fine.
Why does this Voris guy keep putting his hand in his pants pocket?
He really, really needs to stop putting his hand in his pocket while he lectures people on the evils of solo satisfaction.
Ah ha, the moral failings of the RCC are due to all you wankers out there.
I, of course, never have done such evils, and am appalled at you. While I have a loving relationship with my precious blowup doll, you just go off and wank.
Glen Davidson
Glad I can contribute to such a noble cause.
I have watched the video…I…I…WOW!
“Order their lives around the act”
I like a wank, but “ordering my life”, let’s not get excited. Getting a little lotion in the weekly shop is not ordering my life around the act.
Buying a house big enough for a private office with a special “Wank Cave” hidden behind a bookshelf-disguised secret door and kitting the cave out with several big screen TVs, a foot of cork soundproofing, a special chair, a variety of fleshlights, a smorgasbord of lotions and lubes, a high def 3D DVD/bluray player with internet connection and petabytes of hardcore filth is possibly “ordering one’s life around the act” a little too much.
Although now I mention it…
Louis
Louis,
You mean other people don’t have a wank cave? Oh…
Louis @ 38 Please send schematics (purveyors too please).
…Hey, nobody said the condoms had to be worn *on a penis* after all.
I don’t at all miss the shame of “destroying the Catholic church” when I was a teenager. It really sucked doing something all the time, liking it, having no intention of stopping, but having that constant nagging feeling that it was wrong and shameful. I also was repulsed at the thought of confessing to a 60 year old virgin that I liked tugging the little Ganner, so I never did, but then also felt shame and fear that I had an invalid confession and that God was mad at me… And people wonder why atheists are so damn angry. Can’t even count the reasons. It is so damn refreshing to be totally free of that shame and guilt, to know that there is nothing wrong with me, and to have awesome guilt free pre-marital sex with my amazing girlfriend.
I’m skeptical about his claim. Based on my record alone, the catholic church should have collapsed years ago.
@ Caine — Well, membership in the RCC and other churches has been declining, so keep up the good work.
@defaithed — Voris puts his hands in his pocket because that’s where he keeps his rosary. He likes to fondle his beads…you know, it helps take the edge off.
Religion really does have a problem with sex. Who gets to do it, with whom, how they do it, why they do it. Now we’re being told that a perfectly normal and natural act has the potential to cause so much carnage. Un-fucking-believable.
As a great person should have said, I wank, therefore I am.
Kirk Cameron’s sackless crotch is lovin it.
Voris never shows the palms of his hands now, does he?
robro:
Well, if I have to, I have to. :Cough: ‘Scuse me for a while…
Grahammartinroyle, #45,
I did, Oscar. I did.
Louis
We would usually just recite our sins and get it done with, but I got asked once at the confessional if I was having any indecent thoughts or did any indecent acts (indecent being the code word for sexual). I proceeded to sin a bit more by saying no. I was thirteen or fourteen at the time and this old goat wanted to chat about sex? Yeah, that’s healthy.
I googled michael voris and found that the catholic church isn’t too happy with him either. They asked him to stop using the word “Catholic” as they don’t want him representing them. Here is one story about Voris, with a link to the church’s request that he not associate himself with the church:
http://ncronline.org/blogs/distinctly-catholic/how-objectionable-michael-voris
I also read that Voris doesn’t own RealCatholicTV. In fact, Voris is paid to produce his work. I had the impression before he was doing all of this himself out of a misguided need to share his faith.
Beatrice:
When I was in Catholic school, it was impure thoughts. The priests were always dying to know if we had impure thoughts and they wanted details. Like anyone was going to tell them.
I have to say that I like one of Voris’s epithets for us atheist and secular types: “sad sack boo birds.” (He uses it another video, not the one PZ posted.) There’s some poetry there.
I will join in on beating off Catholic morality.
Remember, men (since women are only incubating vessels):
Tumescence
is the essence
of Shame–
Unless you’re straight,
procreate,
and THEN came.
My fingers are so freaking big that I have to wear condoms on every digit while destroying Catholicism.
That makes me wonder – if masturbation alone is supposedly so harmful to the poor little catholic church, what if a couple were to ‘give one another a hand’, so to speak? Would that do less damage to Catholic Morality(TM) than two individuals masturbating alone, the same amount of damage, or more damage?
I think research is called for here – extensive research with a large sample size…
Louis asked: “does doggy fashion cause eruptions?”
Always did with me…
And getting to work late is a SIN? HOONEW!!!
That’s because the priests already knew what swaggeringpenis pointed out in comment #33
Caine,
The word our little pocket prayer book used (and therefore we were supposed to use) actually translates to impudent, so I was trying to use something better in translation.
Impure sounds shaming enough.
Sloth.
We see it in the US with the 43% bullshit that boils down to bragging about how the MOON ITSELF SHITS ON THEM NIGHTLY as they work in as a sewer cleaner having to use their tongue because they can’t afford a shovel and make 3 cents an hour but goddamn it they are NOT complaining like those lazy Occupy people because they are proud to work and struggle for what they get because they have work ethic!
The idea of work ethic (ie do stuff for me inspite of me doing little or nothing for you) is the greatest con job in history and ironically inherently anti-capitalistic.
truthspeaker:
Nah, the little douchecake is wrong. There’s little attraction in doing anything in a confessional.
I don’t want to be rude, but if Catholic priests were doing more jerking off and less altar boying, the morality of the Catholic Church would be higher.
Beatrice:
That’s interesting. They were using the now obsolete definition of being shamelessly immodest, then. Ah, leave it to the Catholics to do all they can to remain in the dark ages.
If we use the modern, broader definition of masturbation, i.e. any behaviour that is completely selfish and excessive (e.g. “fan-wank” to describe OTT fan-fiction) then surely Voris is causing massive damage to “Catholic morality” with every video he makes?
He’s certainly doing massive damage to its public image (as if it needed any more)
A number of years ago, I had an infection “down there”.
My urologist recommended that I “exercise” my prostate daily to avoid a recurrence.
Let me tell you, for someone who isn’t a 15-year-old boy, that’s a lot of hard work. Sometimes, you just want to go to a movie.
…and, as usual, ratings and comments are disabled.
I wonder what he’s afraid of — besides being exposed to ridicule.
“Bashing the Bishop” is an English euphemism for wanking. I had no idea it could be taken so literally…
There is something distinctively gay in that swirl he does with the pencil at the begining? The “vortex” thing? Or am I been prejudiced against the poor fella?
Draken #47
He probably shaves his palms every morning.
Eneraldocarneiro @ #67
Wrong question. It’s gays you’re being prejudiced against.
Okay, so I do my part every day to destroy Catholic morality, now what sorts of things can I work on to destroy Protestant morality?
Note that he holds his left hand in his trouser pocket during most of the video.
Something tells me it’s just his wanking hole.
Note that he holds his left hand in his trouser pocket during most of the video.
Something tells me it’s just his wanking hole. Even if it’s not, it’s a lot more fun watching this shit, believing that it is.
Destroying Catholicism; it’s something we can all have a hand in.
I was just taking a shit, and I got to thinking: without religion, where would the wimmin be? Without that “mystique” most religions give them, I mean. It’s- I have no idea. They’d simply be small men with tits.
Hmm. Not trying to be a misogynist here, I’m just engaging in Free Thought. It might eventually lead to sex-segregated jobs, sex segregated communes, and eventually, given enough time, sex-segregated societies.
And I would consider this not such a bad thing.I’m of the opinion that the separation of our species will liberate men and women from FEAR.
Women will be free from fear of INDIVIDUAL VIOLENCE.
Men will be free from fear of COLLECTIVE VIOLENCE.
Said another way:
Women will no longer fear the faceless man in the darkness.
Men will no longer fear the police officer of civil judge in the daylight.
See, better for everyone.
In my dreams, we divide this continent along the Mississippi. Men on one side, women on the other. Never to meet again. Free at last, free at last, free at last.
swaggeringpenis,
This was a nice, funny thread, why couldn’t you just keep walking?
Beatrice, it’s just another boring troll with nothing new*. Let’s just toss it a decaying quill pig and call it good.
*Quite possibly the latest incarnation of matriarchy/oligarchy of wimmin.
Pteryxx
I plan on doing double duty next time. One condom on a dildo, one as a hat!
If you make a balloon animal out of a condom, does that also count as destroying Catholicism?
As a teenager, I could destroy Catholic morality in my sleep without even realizing it.
Masturbation can lead to pornography?
I’ve been going it in the wrong order!
Nepenthe:
Hmmm. Can you make masturbating monkey?
JimNorth:
You know what they say… “Big hands, big feet… big condoms, big shoes!”
Caine:
Not that I’ve checked, nor will I from work, but I’d be startled if it weren’t a fetish.
Also, I’ve seen a right-wing Catholic troll on a liberal blog repeatedly chide women — not men — who argued with him as “impudent.”
Stuartvo: OTT fanfiction (no hyphen) is not the same as “fan wank.” Wank, in those circles, refers to flamewars and other forms of drama.
Autumn:
Wear white before and after Labor Day.
Agent Smith:
Clenched fist salute!
Nepenthe:
If you’re going to inflate them by mouth, I’d recommend buying the unlubed ones.
Caine,
Ugh, I tried reasoning with that one in his first incarnation. Time wasted.
Sigh. Before Memorial Day and after Labor Day.
I knew a woman who put condoms on her sex toys for certain activities, so it would certainly be possible for a woman to double her assault on Catholic morality by masturbating while using a condom.
Truthspeaker, #84,
I know a lady who does that. Mainly because she has a subset of her toy collection she shares with her special lady friends. She is destroying the Catholic church in three ways: with Teh Wankin’, Teh Contraceptisms, and Teh Ghey….
….oh crap I’ve just destroyed the Catholic Church again.
Louis
Destroying Catholic morality…is that like trying to burn down a small pile of ashes?
Ms. Daisy Cutter:
I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. However, when one is young and stuck in Catholic school and made to attend mass 3 times a week and also confess twice a week, the last place you and your impure thoughts wanna be is anywhere near the church/school.
Also, there were always priests creeping about. The mere thought of accidentally giving a priest his jollies by catching you in an impure act…eeeuuuw. Besides, you’d end up in ‘counseling’ with said priest. Double eeeuuuw. The confessional was for lying, not carnal activity.
How I read this blog post: “PZ Myers wants to help catholics masturbate.”
Oh, and don’t worry about your lack of practice. They’re catholics, they won’t be able to tell the difference anyway.
Okay. This weapon of mass destruction is just so handy.
Not only will it cause the collapse of Catholicism, but masturbation has long been touted as the satanic weapon of choice for destroying mormons. I don’t know if it will destroy mormonism in general, but masturbation will certainly destroy mormons one by one.
Excerpt from “Mormon Truth!!”
And there’s this excerpt from mormon apostle Boyd K. Packer:
More mormon guidelines:
Link
This nym does not exctly fill me with confidence.
All over this thread, apparently.
The women would be free of a toxic ideology that treats them like living incubators and nothing more.
That is not ‘mystique’, it is the innate fear and hatred of women that fundamentalist religion promotes. Come now, surely you recognise the fear and hatred others have of women? You clearly have some experience in that area yourself…
That much is true, at least.
No, they would be exactly what they are now, people. The fact would simply enjoy greater recognition without religion constantly working to define women as chattel.
Logic really isn’t your friend, is it? Without the misogyny and sex-negativity embodied within religion, society would be less gender segregated, not more so.
Don’t you mean FEAR *que dramatic music and clashing thunder in the background*?
When the ALLCAPS come out, it is never a good sign.
As if you care about violence inflicted upon women…
Wow – evidence of your ignorance and/or insincerity really wasn’t long in coming, was it? The idea that rapists are primarily trenchcoat wearing, sinister strangers who drag women into the bushes is a fiction – the truth is that the vast majority of rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim already knows, often in situation with an existing social or cultural power gradient that favours the rapist. That is the true face of rape, the face that our society is so uncomfortable confronting. Most rapists aren’t bestial mosnters – they are men who have marionated for so long is patriarchal male privilege that they have come to believe that they are entitled to the bodies of specific women, a class of women, or women in general.
Not every man is as fearful of
women‘the police officer of civil judge’ as you are, you know.And the enforcement of laws against rape now amount to ‘collective violence’ in you eyes? What a strange, toxic little world you live in. Has it occured to you that your irrational, unevidenced fear of a false rape allegation is in no way equivalent to the legitimate fear that women have of rape and sexual violence? False rape allegations are a rarity, but rape is not.
Your ‘dream’ amounts to an internment camp for women, whic sounds more like a fascist nightmare to me.
No, you really are being misogynistic – your stated desire to remove all women from your environs is kind of a give away. And as for ‘Free Thought’, you wouldn’t know it if it bit you in your bloated, MRA ego.
God made orgasms fun, so don’t have them. God made human brains big, so don’t use them. Makes perfect Christian sense.
Apart from this handy advice on how to destroy the catholic delusion….does anyone out there in doolally land actually pay this muppet any attention at all ?
I mean he is obviously aiming for Opus Dei recognition…probably fancies the self flagellation…but would his utter moronic idiocy not be to extreme for even them?
Nepenthe,
Ha!
… Hopefully you’re using an un-lubed condom as a hat, otherwise ew slimy hair! :D
Oooh. Can you do deforemed rabbit? That’s my favourite!
‘
But, oddly, it ain’t the teens who have a problem remembering where they put their car keys. Or who the lead singer was in the group called Barry Manilow.
So tampering with the factory will pull down the RCC?
Pull the other one. It has bells on.
Ogvorbis, #94,
I don’t know about your anatomy, squire, but I’ve only got one to pull on.
Oh you mean LEG….erm forget I said anything.
Louis
“We’ll need a team of virile men scoring around the clock. I’ll do my part”~Zap
A good RCC boy from yesteryear’s RCC school system I can attest that the only time we boys were not going to Hell was between a confession and Holy Communion. So approximately 18 hours on average we were safe out of 7×24.
I myself should have destroyed the Church long ago let alone what havoc the truly dedicated and gifted “world-class athletes” in this sport that I knew wreaked.
One of the reasons I started to think this god shit was crap is because of the silliness of religion’s preoccupation and condemnation of something that if done with respect, attention, thoughtfulness, and a dash of good sense is just such a joyful thing – alone or with the right partner.
At around 12 I felt how immature and ungodly this misplaced preoccupation of the priests and nuns was – and by 15 I was shaking my head and saying these people are nuts.
swaggeringpenis this thread is about masturbation not diarrhea though that post of yours could be considered a mental version of both.
Lynna:
So the Mormons believe that masturbation is addictive behavior, but they don’t believe that techniques* to help you quit will work?
Makes perfect sense. *eyeroll!*
*The buddy system, in this case. I quit smoking cold turkey using the buddy system– I’m two weeks without a smoke. Woo hoo!
This one’s a Poe (I think…)
http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to-spot-a-masturbator/
Audley:
Oh, the Mormons hate masturbation every bit as much as the Catholics. It’s all about the baybeeees! Gotta make baybeeees!
Mister’s fave story from his Mormon youth took place during a church-sponsored camping weekend. They were always getting lectured on the evils of masturbation, how it killed ten thousand souls every time you did it, so…evil! Mister and a bunch of his friends went out hiking and decided to have a circle jerk in order to kill 1 million souls.
Does AA operate in Utah?
Masturbation leads to pornography?
And here I was thinking it was the other way round.
Some possible campaign slogans…
“Do your part to rub out Catholicism.”
“You can’t get rid of Catholicism in a single stroke!”
“Ceiling Cat is watching you destroy Catholicism.”
“Every time you destroy Catholicism, you make Baby Jesus cry.”
Fuck, when he talked about confession it brought back memories: why is the Catholic priesthood the profession of choice for pedophiles? What other profession puts you in a wooden box with adolescent boys (mainly boys) who are pressured to tell you about each of their masturbatory sessions, their “lustful” thoughts.
All men watch porn, all men masturbate (many women also). The rest are just statistical anomalies, the asexuals, the sociapaths, the whirlpool-creating pencil-wielders.
That idea that masturbating destroys souls especially irks me.
Anyone who had a decent sex education class – oh wait, that’s hardly anybody. Well, anyone who has done some rudimentary reading on human reproduction knows the sperm die whether you ejaculate them or not. A man who never masturbates and, somehow, never even has nocturnal emissions is killing exactly as many sperm as I am, every day of his life.
So wank away!
Caine,
Ah yes. The baybeez! ‘Cos lord knows if people are allowed to masturbate, no one will ever procreate again!
Jeez, it makes me wish I could destroy the Catholic church right now, but I’m at work. :(
The Catholic Church seemingly are those old men who hate children and can’t imagine anyone would actually have them if they weren’t forced to.
Audley:
It’s even worse with the Mormons. There are all these souls, you see, who are patiently waiting for hetro couples (properly married & Mormon, natch) to have appropriate procreative sex in order to create a baybee body for them to inhabit. Mormonism. It’s a special sort of weird.
I just don’t feel like destroying the catholic church as much as I used to, you know. Not that the catholic church has gotten less rotten, but … though I still give the church a good kick in the shins now and then.
Well, I’d love to help out but my doctor told me I had to stop wanking. In fact my dentist did, too (or at least his hygienist did).
Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, #97,
My beloved Audley, I have but one word for you:
Dutch tea break.
Louis
WEll the drill is hard to aim with all the bouncing.
@Caine, Fleur du Mal (#101):
Meanwhile, the priest(? pastor? elder?) suddenly staggered as though physically struck. “I felt a great disturbance, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.”
Congrats on the two weeks, Audley!
Ing,
As I said in another thread, it seems like the louder someone insists that penis-in-vagina is the only “moral” sex, the more they must really hate it, themselves. I mean, it sounds like they have to be convinced to stick their wick in*.
(There’s nothing wrong with that. But for shit’s sake, guys, masturbate or engage in oral sex or something. Stop trying to convince the rest of us that healthy sex is wrong, especially when it sounds like you enjoy other fun sexy activities every bit as much as we do.)
*I realize there are anti-sex women out there, I just don’t know any.
Ol’Maggie has one quote where the mask really slips and she basically says that everyone else has to sacrifice their sexuality because that’s what WE DO TO TO MAKE THE MARRIAGE WORK! It’s one of those quotes that’s just in a way where it goes into unintentional confession.
Michael Voris is at greater risk of Alzheimer’s Disease than your average doofus (as if he were not already demented enough). Being a fundie religious nutter is linked to brain atrophy.
The researchers did speculate a lot about regular religion being okay, but off-the-wall fundie nutters might experience more stress because they were outside of mainstream religious beliefs. (My vocabulary, not theirs.) To me, this sounds like ripe pickings for some religious leaders. All you have to do is choose the right religion and you’ll avoid brain atrophy.
I think the researchers need to take another look at the causes of brain atrophy in religious fundamentalists. Or, have they put the cart before the horse?
Source: Mary Elizabeth Dallas, “Being ‘Born-Again’ Linked to More Brain Atrophy: Study,” 20 March, 2012. Text excerpts above are from Duke University news release http://www.philly.com/philly/health/132456883.html#ixzz1pmUOMUq4
Richard Smith:
He was Vulcan?!
;)
I will work on it in my spare time until my leave of absence from work is approved. Then I can really devote all of my time and energy to this noble goal. I just hope that don’t ask for more justification than “personal project”.
And they say that without God, life has no purpose. This sounds like a special purpose to me.
Caine,
“Weird” doesn’t even begin to describe it. But on the other hand, the more you talk about your Mr, the more awesome he sounds!
Louis,
Ha! Thank you for that. My day is just about done, so I’ll have to save the Dutch tea break for another day. ;)
Carlie,
Thanks! I can smell and taste things! It’s wonderful!
Lynna:
I expect it has more to do with the extreme anti-thought lives they lead. They narrow their lives to a strict routine, little or no variation and they ruthlessly stomp on active thinking, curiosity and imagination. Naturally, learning is out. What passes for learning is rote and constant god repetitions, to prevent the brain from waking up.
There’s nothing there to keep the ol’ synapses firing away.
Caine:
Not having grown up Catholic, I will defer to you on the reality. The fantasy, of course, is that the priest listening to you talk about your dirty, dirty, impure thoughts is a ringer for Richard Chamberlain playing Father Ralph de Bricassart.
Peter Cranny of the oh-so-puerilely-amusing name: Yes, ChristWire is satirical.
Oh, and congrats, Audley! Keep going!
swaggeringpenis,
Proof that trying isn’t required to succeed. You are being a misogynist,and you know it, penis.
Audley:
:D He decided Mormonism was a heaping pile of bullshit at a young age and couldn’t wait until he was old enough to get out of the house and away from it all. He’s the oldest of eight, and he’s the one who gave two sisters and one brother the courage to walk away from Mormonism. The other sibs have (and are)* dutifully breeding faster than bunnies for all those waiting souls.
*They range from 1 year younger to 23 years younger.
I could say something about a tripod, but then people would demand photos, so I’ll let it go unwritten.
And thus was born the utterly soulless modern conservative GOP.
I think you are Forcing the joke.
Voris mentioned “overcoming” masturbation. If that’s what I think it is it sounds pretty wild…
Some of his word associations show a deep-seated familiarity with the subject.
A while back, on the post about newspapers cancelling Doonesbury, I asked for suggestions for a sign to counter the 40 Day protestors at my neighboring Planned Parenthood office.
The final result is printing right now: and is different from my original aim in focusing, not on the Planned Parenthood office or women’s health, but at the protestors personally, as self-righteous & exhibitionistic ignoramuses.
Side 1
GOD’s ORDINANCE
EXODUS 21:22-25
Killing unborn
NOT Murder.
NO “Eye for Eye”.
NO “Life for Life”.
Side 2
GOD’s ORDINANCE
EXODUS 21:22-25
Unborn child
NOT a “LIFE”.
NO “Eye for Eye”.
NO “Life for Life”.
–
I thought it most appropriate to use their own Fairy Tale, and its clear & legalistic language to point out that by claiming that “abortion is murder” they are engaging in blasphemy & rebellion against their “God’s Word”.
(I really loved several clever suggestions: but we’re not dealing with particularly clever people here; so I went with, “Hammer them with the Bible” as a lawyer friend suggested. Thanks again.)
–
I’ll be out tomorrow with the sign & let ya’ll know how it goes.
wholething (#127):
Sadly, I’ve never overcome it, but one time I did reach my chest.</TMI>
Anyone know what the “S.T.B.” title that this pontificating blowhard uses actually stands for or means?
As long as we’re going with Star Wars jokes, I should point out out that not even the Death Star had such an easily exploitable vulnerability.
TGAP Dad, it’s a Bachelor of Sacred Theology, an ecclesiastical degree.
How about petting? Can that in any way damage catholicism?
Sexually Transmitted Bullshit? Seems a pretty good definition of religion…
Watching this lunacy has completely killed my urge to destroy catholicism for the moment, so I guess the talk fulfilled its purpose.
Oh and just don’t go confessing the “damage” to your priest, especially if you’re young. That just excites them.
Bachelor of Sacred Theology. It means he majored in goddism at college.
I think Woody Allen said it best:
Question: Could we make their heads implode by telling them the truth?
Definetly more, especially if they’re heterosexual: no babbies
On good days I get 6 out of 7 deadly sins done. I think that sloth and lust are incompatible.
+++++
You call it masturbation, I call it political activism!
charlessoto, are you chassoto, the sexist, idiotic asspimple from this thread and others?
Louis said,
My brother in law in Australia calls this a “dunny tug”.
Oh cripes. I just realized how much Michael Voris looks like a broke-assed Aaron Eckhart*. *shudder*
*Who is a Mormon, but at least he isn’t out there making creepy fucking anti-masturbation videos.
Louis @ #38: That sounds like a spank tank of the first rank, kudos. May I assume that you’ll be giving Kevin McCloud a call?
“The Vortex.” What an unintentionally apt title…
FossilFishy, #143,
Call? My dear fellow, I have Kevin on retainer! One never knows when one will need a quality refurbishment of a bespoke wanking suite. I have thought about Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen, but really, there is enough wanking going on already without getting one of the world’s great exporters of toss in.
Louis
And here I always thought “STB” meant “Stupid Tickbrained Boron.”
(boron = boring moron, not the metallic element B5 )
I’ll probably destroy me some Catholicism later tonight, should a suitable fantasy present itself.
Praise Jesus the Dutch Roman Catholic Church knows how to stop boys from wanking. Snark!
“DAD! For the love of fuck I am trying to destroy Catholicism in here!”
Fuck me inside out, I love it.
Louis:
That right there good sir/madam speaks to your nature in a very favourable light. You are not just a gentleman/lady, no, nothing so common as that, you sir/madam are a gentleman/lady of QUALITY.
Once Britannia lost sight of the niceties, lost sight of the forthright fact that WHAT we do matters far less than HOW we do it, well then, the end of Her Majesties glorious Empire was all but assured.
It is a pleasure to see that all is not lost in the Mother country and if you will allow such a presumption from a distant colonial, I would doff my summer-weight worsted cap to you.
otrame @#26
Yup here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYCsrhJPIfY funny thing is they already have a monarch, all Catholics everywhere – not really a “loving” one though. Guys like Voris are the reason why atheist satirists of religion on Youtube have to announce that their video’s satire in the description, otherwise there’s no telling them apart from the real thing!
What.
Wow, that Michael Voris guy sure does enjoy touching his pencil. ;)
Fossil/Fishy, #149,
Most kind, most kind.
I am enjoying being a Gentlemanlady too, double the opportunity to cause the destruction of the Catholic church. However, this quantum superposition must collapse for me I’m afraid, into a very definitely male state (I just looked in my previously sealed pants to observe Schrodinger’s Parts). A bit dull sadly, but hey, at least I get to console myself with all that sweet, sweet male privilege and generalised access to unthinking misogyny.
Oh…wait…I don’t actually have to do the misogyny part do I? It’s all so very tiresome.
I should have perhaps mentioned that, with Kevin’s aid, my bespoke wanking suite is not only eco-friendly but chock full of ethically sourced grumble.* It has been lovingly constructed from recycled materials and sustainable timbers. The pornography has been taken from only the most ethically aware studios with fully consenting, even eager, actors and actresses and condoms were worn at all times. No truly unpleasant acts have been performed, it’s all good clean kinky fun.**
Louis
* Pornography to my American chums. I do feel the word “grumble” very pleasingly describes porn.
** Back in reality, I don’t actually have a bespoke wanking suite. I mentioned this paucity to my beloved wife and was favoured with a Look. Since spousal disapproval has been garnered, I feel the likelihood of my obtaining such a room in my domicile has been diminished, even if I wanted one.
I helped to destroy Catholicism this morning before going to work. Glad to help.
Come on, Catholics, at least allow me my angry wanking: what else do I *have*?
To follow up on my encounter with the Catholic anti-Planned Parenthood demonstrators (comment #128 above)
Day One:
Their God gave me a glorious day to spread His Word & Law today. A bit windy, but just enough to make holding a sign for 4-5 hours fun. (Except my L. thumb froze shut a few times afterwards from holding the 3/16″ thick 2’x3′ sign.)
Had a great time. The Police were called, when I started to quote the bible to the anti-protestors. My crime: calling them cowards for being afraid to read their bibles, pointing out their “blasphemy” & “willful disobedience to god’s word & law”. My main offense, calling them exhibitionist “spiritual masturbators”, for mumbling while looking at the insides of their eyelids & playing with their beads in their crotches. Got to point out the etymology of “masturbate” to the Police Officer: literally to stimulate oneself with one’s hand for self-pleasure, like a video game player or bead wrangler.
No charges were filed.
The unfortunate thing is that they are all old Roman Catholics, taught to be afraid of the bible and accept whatever a Priest tells them, so I was just a Blessed (my blessing on them) annoyance to them. Fun, but no real impact.
But, I was out for the afternoon & met a few wonderful people and watched a few rednecks & matrons “flip off” their “God’s Word & Ordinances”. There was much more support (honking & waving) for me than for them (once people actually read the sign). All the threats were directed at me, by men. A few people, mostly young women, didn’t actually read the sign; but responded passionately to their own presumption, negligence & stupidity rather than to the message.
I would guess thousands of people “noticed” the sign. Who knew spreading The Big Fairy’s Word would be so much fun!
They left @ 4:20, and so did I.
Pictures tomorrow. They are here annoying me for 40 days, I can certainly “sacrifice” 4 days for them. They bring the little ones out to protest on weekends!
Note to the reader:
jaycubed is a misogynist.
Comment by jaycubed blocked. [unkill][show comment]
So sorry, Cupcake. As long as you’re hanging onto using cunt as an insult, you’re no friend to women. Have a think about it, maybe you’ll get lucky and figure it out.
Dear “life is like a pitbull with lipstick ॐ” & “Caine, Fleur du Mal”
How presumptuous of you to speak for all women.
This always baffled me as a girl. I knew from a young age boys’ sperm cells only had half the DNA (my eggs had the other half) and that they made and destroyed millions internally every day…so where’s the issue? (pardon me)
The only thing I can think of is that they think it makes people love God less/not enough…but things like that run smack into the “why does a perfect being want/need anything from us?” problem. And anyone who knows anything about primate biology and ethology knows that sex is far far more than procreation for advanced primates. Especially bonobos, who happen to be our closest relatives…
Shit, I come here to kick at a dead thread because I need a sorbet to get the taste of the JohntheOther thread out of my mouth. And what do I find? Someone who’s too dense to understand why using a gendered word as an insult is not fucking okay.
Oh and jaycubed? Caine and Life are not speaking for all women, they are informing you of the informal rules on this site with regards to gendered insults. If you had used the word dick in the same manner you would have receive the same response.
Louis:
Hah. I too shall be bereft of such a convenience despite being in the final throws of designing our new home.
When we had the meeting to discuss the first draft of the house plan I asked “Where’s the belfry?” My wife responded with “Belfry?” in a tone that asked what the hell was I on about. “Yes belfry, where else are we going to put the bats?” To which I was given a LOOK that was distinctly preemptive in nature over and above its current use.
Because of that my new castle will not have a UFO landing pad (because if they land in the paddock it’ll scare the cattle), nor a trebuchet mount (because the maths say that without a little altitude we won’t clear the highway), and sadly no wank tank to aid in the downfall of Catholicism.
You’re a moron.
It’s not a matter of opinion. Your actions are objectively misogynistic.
Ok, so I get the, and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘they do it when they’re lonely’, ‘socially isolated’ being pretty much the same thing, but ‘angry’? Who masturbates when they’re angry?
It’s not as though I masturbate *every* time I’m angry. I’d never get anything done.
Otherwise, I probably would.