Yes, I still get affectionate, loving email from devout Catholics.
The gore and tenacity to take the consecrated Host and desecrate it by piercing a nail through it and discarding the Blessed Sacrament.
Your soul will plead in mercy at the final Hour of your Death.
When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death.
Foolish Man…What good is it for you to gain all the wisdom in the world with your professorship yet lose your soul…
I was robbed. I was supposed to get all the wisdom in the world when I became a professor? Who do I complain to about getting my due?
68 comments
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billygutter01
11 March 2012 at 11:35 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Oh, those wacky theists…
Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls
11 March 2012 at 11:39 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Gonna need more that an unsubstantiated claim that a soul exists to be scared. Oh, and I bet he can’t even show evidence his cracker is anything other than a cracker….
jba55
11 March 2012 at 11:41 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“The gore and tenacity to take the consecrated Host and desecrate it by piercing a nail through it and discarding the Blessed Sacrament. ”
Ok… what about it?
“When you are in grave pain, cry out in Mercy by saying Jesus, I Trust in You…at the final Hour of your death. ”
And if, as seems most likely to people with even a passing knowledge of PZ’s beliefs, that doesn’t happen? What then? This individual seems to have problems finishing their, er, thoughts I guess we’ll call them.
JT (Generic)
11 March 2012 at 11:47 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m tempted to industrialize this – to create a machine that would reproduce the process that we can crank up to pumping out a few thousand instances per hour.
If only I had any money to do it.
Glen Davidson
11 March 2012 at 11:47 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Because without your soul you’re missing, uh…
Glen Davidson
Matt125
11 March 2012 at 11:49 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
It irritates me When people put Random capital letters in Their sentences.
Caine, Fleur du Mal
11 March 2012 at 12:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
There was gore and you didn’t share, PZ? Tsk. Unless your correspondent meant gall. I don’t think tenacity fits, either. It really doesn’t take all that much to desecrate a
hostcracker.Zeno
11 March 2012 at 12:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“All the wisdom of the world” is just one option, PZ. When I became a professor I chose invisibility. Very useful. But sometimes I think flying would be even better. Or exploding heads with the power of my mind. (Perhaps you forgot to check the right box in the professorship sign-up form.)
Marcus Ranum
11 March 2012 at 12:09 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I had some really massive gas the other night and cried out to jesus. It didn’t help, but farting (later) did. Why should I believe that jesus is suddenly going to change his policy of letting me suffer with gas when I’m faced with eternal torment?
IslandBrewer
11 March 2012 at 12:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Please file all wisdom-based complaints with the University of Minnesota, Office of Employee Wisdom Compensation. All complaints take 8-12 weeks to process, and will be decided upon by an anonymous panel of administrative personnel. In the meantime, please do not contact the Office, as it may invalidate your claim.
Caine, Fleur du Mal
11 March 2012 at 12:12 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Would Mercy be something like a middle earth language?
Josh, Official SpokesGay
11 March 2012 at 12:15 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Gore and tenacity? That’s the new raisin date.
Stupid, stupid, stupid people. It surely meant ‘audacity’, btw. Yeah, it’s totes bold to throw away a cracker.
Fucking brain rot.
Dick the Damned
11 March 2012 at 12:17 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I guess it makes sense to a Xian that the bible bogey would torture people just for not believing in it, considering what the fecker gets up to in his book.
But if they’re capable of that degree of logical thought, how can they believe the crap in the bible anyway?
Caine, Fleur du Mal
11 March 2012 at 12:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Josh:
Yes, yes it is and we must spread it far and wide throughout the land. No more gall and audacity, let there be gore and tenacity!
radpumpkin
11 March 2012 at 12:22 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Was that a Faust reference? At least we’re dealing with a literate crazy here…
Rey Fox
11 March 2012 at 12:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!
had3
11 March 2012 at 12:23 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
So quoting the lyrics to a Duffy song is the route to salvation? Who knew?
Caine, Fleur du Mal
11 March 2012 at 12:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Rey:
You forgot Satan, now you’re gonna go to heaven.
npyundt
11 March 2012 at 12:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Hold up,
Souls don’t exist, at least so far as anyone can prove.
Secondly, assuming one could prove the existence of souls, I thought atheists were soulless. End result, how do you burn in hell if you have no immortal soul that can be sent to hell?
If professors get super powers like omniscience, or invisibility, I would totally go for not needing to sleep. Not being incapable of sleeping mind you, I’d do it now and again for kicks, but simply being capable of functioning for months without sleeping (think of the productivity). Plus if you go for omniscience you can’t really do research to find out things you don’t know, which makes you a terrible scientist.
brazenlucidity
11 March 2012 at 12:29 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I had all the wisdom in the world, but then they shut down our program.
shaundenney
11 March 2012 at 12:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Radpumpkin @15 “Was that a Faust reference? At least we’re dealing with a literate crazy here…”
Don’t be silly, it’s the bible. Matt 16:26, Mark 8:36, or Luke 9:25
“Gore and tenacity”
Gall and temerity, perhaps?
Moggie
11 March 2012 at 12:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Gore and Tenacity 2016!
Aquaria
11 March 2012 at 12:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Radpumpkin @15 “Was that a Faust reference? At least we’re dealing with a literate crazy here…”
Don’t be silly, it’s the bible. Matt 16:26, Mark 8:36, or Luke 9:25
I thought the Vaticant didn’t want their morons to read the book, but to have the kiddie-rapists tell them what’s in it and what to think about it.
Does that make shit-for-brains a blasphemer?
julietdefarge
11 March 2012 at 12:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
There are several places online to buy oblaten (the unleavened wafers,) so you, too, can have fun desecrating them. Or, you could make lebkuchen. Be sure to consecrate it first, and notice the subtle difference in flavor.
shouldbeworking
11 March 2012 at 12:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Cry out in Mercy? I had no idea you had a cameo appearance in ‘ER’. Did you get your name in the credits?
fabianocaccin
11 March 2012 at 12:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
DEATH!
Agent Smith
11 March 2012 at 1:00 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Dear Eucharidiot
Your deity is supposed to have all the wisdom in the cosmos. So why, when a recalcitrant serfling like PZ Myers does something it disapprove of, is its response to wait till he’s dying and say “Neener, neener!” ?. Not even an attempt to reason with him first? Even an average human leader knows to try that.
saguhh00
11 March 2012 at 1:02 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I always wondered, ya know, to which hell atheists go to when they die. Because they don’t believe in any gods, how is it determined to which hell they go? Muslim heel, which is full of christians, or presbyterian hell, full of catholics and dead babies? Hindu hell, buddhist hell, or Elfheim? Perhaps PZ will go to planet Venus, where mormon hell is (if planet Kolob is their heaven, their hell has to be a planet).
Balstrome
11 March 2012 at 1:06 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Why is this still news? Did the faithful not get the bishops letter on this, all those years ago? Or could we take it that this is sign that they are moving towards the future with them now being allowed to recognise that there are people who do not subscribe to their delusion.
Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, purveyor of candy and lies
11 March 2012 at 1:27 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Serious question here: Why do the fundamentalists always feel the need to abuse ellipsis?
I mean, Jesus. We had (have?) one of those grammatical butchers over on the Kent Hovind thread, too.
IT IS SO ANNOYING.
Caine, Fleur du Mal
11 March 2012 at 1:32 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Audley:
It fills their need for visual impact and drama? Like music cues in a horror flick.
Dr. Audley Z. Darkheart, purveyor of candy and lies
11 March 2012 at 1:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Caine:
Pause for dramatic effect, right? Gah. That’s some middle school level writing skillz right there.
Oh wait.
Dexeron
11 March 2012 at 1:39 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
They used to give out that comprehensive Wisdom package with each professorship, but you know… budget cuts and all that.
Gregory Greenwood
11 March 2012 at 1:48 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
So ‘Jesus’ is a brand of painkiller now? And what is this ‘Mercy’ we are supposed to cry out in? A super-secret fundie code?
I can think of few threats less likely to impress a rationalist – convert or… lose your unevidenced magic soul-gas?
Really? That is the best they can do?
*Sigh* They just don’t make Catholic fundamentalists like they used to. Maybe the random capitalisation is a symptom of the decline xian quality control…
janine
11 March 2012 at 1:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Come on people, why do you think the spender of the e-mail misspoke. This person believes that the cracker becomes the flesh of christ. Drive a nail through flesh, one gets gore. (Did this person think that PZ was engaged in a scene from Mel Gibson’s Jesus gore fest?) Please, keep in mind some of the old Catholic stories of Jews torturing wafers and geysers of blood sprouting.
As for me, I am not sure what was actually the most gory part of PZ’s action, the coffee grounds or the banana peel.
stonyground
11 March 2012 at 1:52 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
My first thought when reading this was to think that religion will never go away. Anyone who writes a missive that is so infested with malapropisms as this one is, is clearly too stupid to outwit the liars for Jesus and escape to freedom. On the other hand, sheep tend to go with the rest of the herd, so if we can just reach that tipping point where the majority don’t believe in things like magic biscuits, zombies, talking animals, levitating virgin mothers and the like, the sheep will follow reason.
Rich Woods
11 March 2012 at 2:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Don’t be silly; wisdom isn’t bestowed by with a title. To get all the wisdom in the world you need to either eat the Salmon of Wisdom or to hang yourself from the World Tree for nine days. Or maybe both — what do I know?
Rich Woods
11 March 2012 at 2:10 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Don’t be silly; wisdom isn’t bestowed by a title. To get all the wisdom in the world you need to either eat the Salmon of Wisdom or to hang yourself from the World Tree for nine days. Or maybe both — what do I know?
Rich Woods
11 March 2012 at 2:11 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Multiple posting clumsiness. Sorry.
nemothederv
11 March 2012 at 2:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Well he/she did it. That brililance convinced me.
Praise Jebus!
coleslaw
11 March 2012 at 2:26 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’m lost. What was the old “raisin date”? Was it by any chance a misspelled attempt at raison d’etre?
Josh, Official SpokesGay
11 March 2012 at 2:36 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Coleslaw, that’s it. Good times, good times:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2009/12/another_debate_with_creationis.php#comment-2121242
christinelaing
11 March 2012 at 2:45 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Nobody hates the holy cracker like a Protestant. PZ can hang out with them in the afterlife I guess. Maybe he can get a study group going.
petejohn
11 March 2012 at 3:03 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Religious zealots realize that they can no longer get away with burning non-believers in this world, so they have to resort to threatening non-believers with an eternity of burning in hell. I wonder if they realize that’s not a particularly scary proposition to someone who doesn’t believe there’s a hell… nah they don’t realize that. That would require logic and thought and all of that shit, which isn’t really their thing.
phoenixwoman
11 March 2012 at 3:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
“The gore and tenacity”
GOATS ON FIRE!
(Hell, it makes about as much sense.)
janine
11 March 2012 at 3:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Funny, I remembered raisin dates and forgot all about the supergenius, Wiley.
tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach
11 March 2012 at 3:35 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
You only get *all* the wisdom if you’re a professor at Hahvuhd and join the Hahvuhd Hoomanists.
chigau (√-1)
11 March 2012 at 3:44 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Gain all the wisdom.
http://memegenerator.net/instance/16076408
Forbidden Snowflake
11 March 2012 at 3:53 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Agent Smith:
What good is it for a deity to gain all the wisdom in the cosmos yet lose a cracker?
tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach
11 March 2012 at 4:34 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I think Caine has part of it right but missed the cause; ‘ellipsis’ is a nice posh sounding word. It goes with eschatology and ontology and evolution and all those other edumacation words that they so love to abuse. Abuse the word, disprove the theory. Sort of semantic homeopathy. Makes about as much sense as any of the other foolishness they get up to.
Zinc Avenger
11 March 2012 at 4:56 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The capital Letters are a Sign he’s talking on Behalf of god.
Caine, Fleur du Mal
11 March 2012 at 5:54 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Tim Rowledge:
We’re talking about someone who doesn’t know how words work (gore and tenacity). I’m pretty sure ellipsis isn’t in their vocabulary.
rogerfirth
11 March 2012 at 6:38 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Weren’t they famous for “Muskrat Love” back in the ’70s?
coleslaw
11 March 2012 at 6:43 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Thanks, Josh.
frankb
11 March 2012 at 7:30 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Roger lol. Captain Gore and tenacious Tennille.
Markita Lynda
11 March 2012 at 9:19 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Buying unconsecrated wafers just isn’t as much fun: you might as well save money and buy rice-flour wafers. The cracker is just a cracker until a properly sprinkled and oiled shaman repeats the correct magic spell over it. Then it become a cracker that has the power to enrage Some Christians. BTW, what do the evangelicals do to get worked up? Church is so boring without a little bread and wine at the break.
I believe that the ellipses are there to give the s>victim , I mean reader time to contemplate consequences or threatened imaginary torments in full detail.
Markita Lynda
11 March 2012 at 9:20 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
victim reader
victimreaderAzuma Hazuki
11 March 2012 at 9:51 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Said it before and will say it again: I think none of these people actually understand what it is to burn. I’ve only had a couple of first-degree ones and that was bad enough, thank you.
Perhaps if we took to carrying lighters &c and using them at opportune moments we’d make our point (of course we’d also end up in jail, and there’s no sense sinking to their level…). They are likely not going to appreciate a quick lesson in Koine Greek while flailing and screaming and crying for help, either.
Fuck, I really am broken :(
Kel
12 March 2012 at 12:09 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
The critics of the New Atheists are right – the truth value of religious beliefs has very little to do with the practice of religion. Whether or not Jesus felt the Wrath Of Myers™ is external to the hurt that this individual felt at the news of the Wrath Of Myers™. It would be missing the point to suggest that the severity of the action is contained in the metaphysical embodiment of Jesus in a cracker, only the perception of the metaphysical embodiment of Jesus in a cracker! And as such, the lack of New Atheist nuance neglects the pain and suffering the Wrath Of Myers™ causes in very real terms by hinging the debate on the imaginary pain of a nonsentient bit of bread…
John Morales
12 March 2012 at 12:52 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
[meta]
Kel:
You forgot to finish that sentence.
Allow me: “… but it has everything to do with their purported justification for it.”
(Since the universe must have been created, one should not eat pork and gay people should not marry. Obviously.)
anubisprime
12 March 2012 at 4:41 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
How precious and fashionably late these guardians of jeebus blushes actually are…
Fuck me they be any faster in reacting they are liable to meet themselves on the way back!
No wonder the whole Jeebus-R-Uz crowd are a few centuries behind reality…poor dears are …hamstrung by ineptitude and snail speed cognotive function.
Continental drift must make them dizzy!
TimKO,,.,,
12 March 2012 at 7:32 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Another idiot with the hubris to claim he/she alone knows the nature of the supernatural universe and the foreknowledge that entails.
TimKO,,.,,
12 March 2012 at 7:44 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
…and congratulations on Having all the Wisdom in the world, PZ
*Storage costs must Be prohibitive
*Are you going to Share or hoard?
I’m not sure how One cries IN mercy…but what Really concerns me: Why does nobody Gnash teeth anymore?
Global warming…is a hOax perpetrated by Gore & Tenacity…
Predator Handshake
12 March 2012 at 8:46 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I think I mentioned this in one of my very first posts here, but unsurprisingly it’s relevant once again.
When you’re reading something with Random Capitalization or the even more fun ALL CAPS the best thing to do is read the whole thing in Christopher Walken’s voice. William Shatner works too, but I find Walken more entertaining.
quoderatdemonstrandum
12 March 2012 at 9:02 am (UTC -5) Link to this comment
I’ve never taken communion; what does Jesus taste like?
shala
12 March 2012 at 12:08 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Serious question here: Why do the fundamentalists always feel the need to abuse ellipsis?
They secretly love JRPG’s!
Kevin
12 March 2012 at 1:18 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Of course, the irony is that if PZ were to invoke the name of Jesus on his death bed, Christians believe this grants him an all-expenses paid trip to heaven.
The whole point of dying is to have your soul sorted to your post-death apartment complex. Soul sorting is based on professed belief at the time of death (and/or whenever Jesus comes back to Earth), not on any worldly considerations.
If PZ says “I trust in Jesus” at the moment of death, that’s good enough.
patterson
12 March 2012 at 3:21 pm (UTC -5) Link to this comment
Must be tough being a vegan catholic.