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Dec 26 2011

For JT

JT dreams of replacing me someday, and thinks all he has to do is acquire a Trophy Girlfriend. How wrong he is.

I will give him a little hint.

Don’t worry, JT. Puberty is almost inevitable.


Never let it be said that I am ungenerous to the younglings. I have a suggestion for JT that will help him immediately.

62 comments

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  1. 1
    feralboy12

    Most any guy can grow a beard. It takes a real man to put a blade to his face every day.

  2. 2
    'Tis Himself

    It takes a real man masochist to put a blade to his face every day.

    FIFY.

  3. 3
    Dick the Damned

    Yup, & sometime a cigar is just a cigar. (Well, that one is, anyway.)

  4. 4
    'Tis Himself

    Not that there’s anything wrong with masochism.

    Or so they say.

  5. 5
    Moggie

    feralboy12:

    Most any guy can grow a beard. It takes a real man to put a blade to his face every day.

    Boys use blades. I prefer a blowtorch.

  6. 6
    chigau (違う)

    Is that just a cigar?

  7. 7
    VeritasKnight

    Allow me to say: lol.

    And again, sir: lol.

    JT, there’s only one response: the Burnsides.

  8. 8
    Brian

    Wait, if JT has acquired a Trophy Girlfriend … doesn’t that mean that he HAS a beard now?

  9. 9
    Glen Davidson

    Yeah, I’m going to listen to a wooist. It’s all ghosts, just in your mind.

    Oh, there’s something to depth psychology, it’s just that Freud didn’t really do it very well. Greek myths are just myths, Siggy, to be enjoyed. They’re not science.

    Glen Davidson

  10. 10
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    @Moggie: the Desperate Dan approach! Well played. Have a cow pie …

  11. 11
    Stevarious, Public Health Problem

    Boys use blades. I prefer a blowtorch.

    Bah! A REAL man ties each individual strand to a different horse’s tail, then starts throwing snakes at them!

  12. 12
    Daniel Fincke

    They say a picture says a thousand words. Sometimes it only needs 13 to say what needs to be said.

  13. 13
    chigau (違う)

    Loggers drive them in with a hammer
    and bite them off inside.

  14. 14
    a3kr0n

    You’re name isn’t Mullet, is it? And you weren’t involved in a Amish beard cutting fiasco in Ohio, are you?

  15. 15
    JT Eberhard

    I do not always shave. But when I do, it’s to spite PZ Myers.

  16. 16
    PZ Myers

    It would spite me even more if you sliced off your testicles.

  17. 17
    Serendipitydawg(rebel without paws)

    The inflatable beard is OK but the bacon air freshener makes me wish I resided in the US.

  18. 18
    John Morales

    [semi-OT]

    The animated edition of Hyperbole and a Half‘s
    (Allie Brosh) ‘How to Make Showering Awesome Again’: Shower Products for Men.

    For REAL men!

  19. 19
    feralboy12

    Well, I just never wanted hair on my face. After all, I have to eat with this face.

  20. 20
    HappiestSadist, Repellent Little Martyr

    Chigau @#13: Thanks. That’s going to be in my head for days.

  21. 21
    Hank Fox

    Chuck Norris never shaves. He hammers the beard hair in and bites it off from the inside.

  22. 22
    eddyline

    What impressed me more was the tentacle

    http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Tentacle-Mustache.html

  23. 23
    chigau (違う)

    Happiestsadist @20
    Sorry. I happens sometimes.
    Do you know the one about dancing loggers?

  24. 24
    HappiestSadist, Repellent Little Martyr

    YES! Only the most entertaining of the NFB shorts (after The Cat Came Back).

    Now, to dance about the kitchen.

  25. 25
    Gregory Greenwood

    eddyline @ 22;

    From your link;

    We’ve combined our love for mustaches with our love for cephalopods to create the most disturbing and compelling upper lip accessory the world has ever seen. Each 5-3/4″ wide, soft vinyl Tentacle Mustache attaches to your nose with a clip and makes you look like a cross between a sophisticated gentleman and a squid.

    Soft vinyl? Clips? Pah! I say we put this genetics business to good use. There is but one way to go here – PZ must channel his inner mad scientist (go on, PZ, I know you want to) and splice some cephalopod DNA into the human genome to create the unmitigated awesomeness of a true tentacle beard.

    Not only stylish, but prehensile! Just think of the benefits – as just one example, far from being an impediment to feralboy12′s gastronomic pursuits, it could make the entire process hands free, and just think of how much it would impress the ladies…

    Plus, it would drive fundies everywhere absolutely nuts, which is always a bonus.

    —————————————————————-

    This strange rant was brought to you by Pseudoscience Enterprises inc. – for all your technobabble needs.

  26. 26
    'Tis Himself

    It would spite me even more if you sliced off your testicles.

    That’s just plain evil!

    Atta boy, PZ.

  27. 27
    Daniel Fincke

    Well, I just never wanted hair on my face. After all, I have to eat with this face.

    Work on your aim, there’s a way to eat with just your mouth.

  28. 28
    Gregory Greenwood

    John Morales @ 18;

    The animated edition of Hyperbole and a Half‘s
    (Allie Brosh) ‘How to Make Showering Awesome Again’: Shower Products for Men.

    For REAL men!

    In between all the uncontrollable laughter, I found myself thinking that if you supplemented the violent imagry with images of young women naked but for tactically placed limbs/steamed up shower glass/miscellaneous objects then you would pretty much have actual shower product adverts. In the case of shower products for men, have a well muscled male model type bloke lathering his hair with the aforementioned product, then introduce images of young women naked but for tactically placed limbs/steamed up shower glass/miscellaneous objects…

    Yup, the advertising industry is not predictable at all

  29. 29
    Stevarious, Public Health Problem

    Work on your aim, there’s a way to eat with just your mouth.

    Yeah, if your whole face, including beard region, is in on the action, you are doing it wrong.

    Not only stylish, but prehensile! Just think of the benefits – as just one example, far from being an impediment to feralboy12′s gastronomic pursuits, it could make the entire process hands free, and just think of how much it would impress the ladies…

    It’s like the old joke – The bartender says to Joe, “I don’t know how Bob always leaves with two or three ladies on his arm every night.” And Joe says, “I know! He’s not that good looking, he dresses funny, he’s not rich, he’s not well spoken… Shoot, all he does is sit there, licking his eyebrows!”

  30. 30
    'Tis Himself

    Work on your aim, there’s a way to eat with just your mouth.

    That’s if you want to do it the easy way. Real Men™ get serious with their food.

  31. 31
    Duckbilled Platypus

    That’s if you want to do it the easy way. Real Men™ get serious with their food.

    Weaklings, I tell you. Really Real Men™ have coconut food fights.

  32. 32
  33. 33
    Nick Gotts

    Most any guy can grow a beard. – feralboy12

    I don’t need to grow a beard; it grows all by itself.

  34. 34
    'Tis Himself

    I don’t need to grow a beard; it grows all by itself.

    I don’t even have to encourage it, it does what it wants to do.

  35. 35
    Sili

    Well, there’s hair growing on my face, but it rather refuses to assemble into a beard.

    I have cut off my testicles, though.

  36. 36
    shouldbeworking

    I love Dara O’briain’s take on razors.

  37. 37
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    Oh! Sili, your comment on TET. Related?

  38. 38
    'Tis Himself

    shouldbeworking #36

    I love Dara O’briain’s take on razors.

    Pray tell, what is Dara O’Briain’s take on razors?

  39. 39
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    @’Tis:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WvgH-MP87A

    this line prevents embedding.

  40. 40
    shouldbeworking

    Thans for attaching the link. When the litte one says ‘feed me’ the RFN! Is transmitted by the volume.

  41. 41
    cm's changeable moniker (quaint, if not charming)

    @shouldbeworking, with the addition of a “k”, I can understand your opening sentence. The second and third, however, are mystifying. ;)

  42. 42
    shouldbeworking

    Sorry about that. The little one around the house can be quite vocal at meal times. RFN is ‘right fucking now!’.

    Am I ever going to get used to this tablet’s keyboard? I doubt it, if the recent quantity of typos are any indication.

  43. 43
    JT Eberhard

    Slicing testicles?

    I was suckered in by the Gargoyle’s Gambit once and it cost me the hair on my leg and head. Never again!

  44. 44
    'Tis Himself

    changeable moniker #40

    That video acted strangely. First, you have to change a setting from 360p to 240p (I have no idea what p stands for) to get the sound and video in sync. Then it dies at 2:03. But what I did hear was quite funny.

  45. 45
    shouldbeworking

    Worked fine on my new toy, could be beginners luck with all these typos.

  46. 46
    feralboy12

    Work on your aim, there’s a way to eat with just your mouth.

    Well, that certainly explains why no one ever gets food in their facial hair.

  47. 47
    feralboy12

    And every day brings new gizmos to shave with.
    Shaving In The 21st Century: A Baffling Ordeal

  48. 48
    Sili

    cm,

    Yah.

  49. 49
    eddyline

    @ Gregory Greenwood #25:

    Already been done…though perhaps not for real….

    http://www.imdb.com/media/rm3941043456/ch0001221

  50. 50
    cyberCMDR

    Started a beard a while ago, then my wife got back from visiting the grandkids. End of experiment, as I still very much enjoy kissing my wife. I found out there would be a lot more salt then pepper in it, though.

  51. 51
    tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach

    Most any guy can grow a beard. It takes a real man to put a blade to his face every day.

    Bah. A *real* man can just hold it in by force of will.

  52. 52
    Kamaka

    Having a beard does have it’s drawbacks.

    Stupidheads say such things as “You look like George Carlin/Merle Haggard”.

    George Carlin is not so much of an insult, but who the fuck is Merle Haggard?

  53. 53
    John Morales

    cybercmdr:

    Started a beard a while ago, then my wife got back from visiting the grandkids. End of experiment, as I still very much enjoy kissing my wife.

    Huh.

    Except for the grandkids, you speak for me.

    (I like my nookie, my wife is fussy about fuzz)

    Hate to say it, but PZ is the troglodyte, and JT is the up-an-comer.

    (Way of the world, it is — the old makes way for the new)

    PS Love ya, PZ!

    (Happy Monkey!)

  54. 54
    John Morales

    PPS I wonder if JT passes the Brazilian test.

    </TMI>

  55. 55
    Rip Steakface

    That video acted strangely. First, you have to change a setting from 360p to 240p (I have no idea what p stands for) to get the sound and video in sync. Then it dies at 2:03. But what I did hear was quite funny.

    The “p” stands for progressive scan, one of two ways of displaying video, the other being interlaced. 99% of modern computer monitors use only progressive scan, while TVs are less consistent (old TVs generally use interlaced).

    Progressive is better – displays a clearer, sharper image and requires less exertion on the part of computer graphics cards.

  56. 56
    John Morales

    [OT]

    Steakface, that, and the amount of data transferred.

    240p is 320×240 pixels, 360p is 640×360 pixels per frame.

  57. 57
    madtom1999

    Slicing testicles?
    I’ve always wondered why we attempt to look prepubescent all the time – perhaps that’s the next stage.

  58. 58
    Strategically Shaved Monkey

    A bit of selective testicle-slicing might reduce the testosterone level on this thread.
    But whay jump straight from beard-shaving to de-gonading. As real men, we should be slowly upping the ante.
    At least go for scrotum shaving. Now there’s something only real men with real trophy girlfriends could pull off.

  59. 59
    Gregory Greenwood

    eddyline @ 49;

    I am going to go out on a limb here and say that this has to be CG – Bill Nighy is a committed method actor, but I think even he would draw the line at having tentacles grafted onto his face…

    … wouldn’t he?

    Of course, if the film credits mention “transhumanist biological support from Professor PZ Myers” then we will know that Nighy went the whole hog, and my respect for him as an actor (and as the first exemplar of our new post-human overlords) would grow exponentially…

    ;-)

  60. 60
    trent

    A woman asks why do men want to look like women?

  61. 61
    Dhorvath, OM

    I love shaving. And I forgive you PZ for thinking that being a man has external markers.

  62. 62
    The Sailor

    “Each 5-3/4″ wide, soft vinyl Tentacle Mustache attaches to your nose with a clip and makes you look like a cross between a sophisticated gentleman and a squid.”

    We call it the Zoidberg.

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