Dec 23 2011

Oh, no, did she have to tell me on the day before Christmas eve?

Well, there goes my holiday. Apparently, Santa Claus doesn’t exist.


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  1. 1

    Santa retired. Oprah is the new bringer of unearned gifts.

  2. 2

    Nonsense, I went up to Santa Claus’ house in North Pole, Alaska and outside was a 20 foot tall Santa in a cryogenic state until Dec. 25th. Of course Santa is real.

  3. 3
    chigau (違う)

    Won’t somebody think of the children?

  4. 4


    Balderdash! Santa is Canadian!

  5. 5

    Of course santa is Canadian, my nephew sent a letter to him and the postal code was HOH OHO.

  6. 6

    Santa is not real?

  7. 7

    Oh, don’t listen to Greta. She’s just angry.

  8. 8
    Glen Davidson

    Well, skeptical eggheads, tell me how life arose, if Santa didn’t make life. Morons!

    Because there are only two alternatives, either natural processes can make life, or Santa did it. /snark

    Sorry, been paying some attention to Moshe Averick (there’s been some back and forth between him and Coyne) blithering on about how God is necessary using just that stupid “argument.”

    Glen Davidson

  9. 9

    But…Santa is real! He has to be!!!

    *runs away sobbing*

  10. 10

    Automated online sign-up sheets already gave me the heart-wrenching news that Santa doesn’t exist when it told me that H0H 0H0 wasn’t a real postal code.

    Talk about shattering an innocent 19 year child’s hopes and dreams…

  11. 11

    Who the heck believes everything the Internet says?

  12. 12

    Of course Santa is real, also, conservatives hate Him

  13. 13

    It always amazed me that Christians tell their kids about a magical man who can see them always and judge their behavior for reward or punishment, only to ultimately reveal that it’s a childhood trope with no basis in reality. They simultaneously tell them about another magical man who can see them always and judge their behavior for reward or punishment, and expect them to believe it fully and forever!

    It’s a wonder this process doesn’t create more atheists on the spot! I guess it’s a testament to human gullibility and groupthink.

  14. 14
    'Tis Himself

    He’s makin’ a list, checkin’ it twice
    Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice
    Santa Claus is coming to town
    He knows when you are sleepin’
    He knows when you’re awake
    He knows if you’ve been good or bad

    Santa Claus, jolly old elf or stalker?

  15. 15

    Of course Santa exists, and is a man enduring eternal torment for his past wrongs. It’s even in a pop-up book.

  16. 16
    chigau (違う)

    Have you seen the latest google doodle?

  17. 17
    Dick the Damned

    Here’s a poll on religious affiliation that needs to be Pharyngulated:


    Nontheists are currently at 10%

  18. 18

    What a shitty poll. They have options for “Nontheist” and “Secular Humanist.” Way to split the vote.

  19. 19
  20. 20
    Dick the Damned

    Loqi, aren’t they often crap? But with ‘Nontheist’ on 10%, & ‘Secular Humanist’ on only 3%, i think ‘Nontheist’ is the option to choose.

  21. 21

    Am I the only atheist/skeptic that enjoys perpetuating the Santa Claus myth? It’s good, mischevious fun. Plus, I loved the “magic” of Santa as a kid.

    It also allows me to say later in a young person’s life, “Remember everything you eventually learned about Santa? Now apply the same process to Jesus. Doesn’t Jesus seem a lot like a version of Santa for adults?”

  22. 22

    Santa Claus was a reindeer-urine swilling Amanita muscaria addict of Siberian-Laplander extraction, but he had a good time and enjoyed life, and made the people around him happy.

    When the Christians came along and encountered this mythical-shamanic figure, they did their typical syncretic deal, and made him into the herald of Jesus of Nazareth, thereby folding the old pagan religion into their own, winning converts, etc. This is standard historical Christian behavior – the Virgin Mary played a similar role when it came to converting pagans who worshiped female deities, etc.

    It’s a cute fairy tale, but then, so is the whole “God” thing.

    No kidding, that’s the best explanation for the existence of Santa Claus in the Christian mythology – a syncretic fusion with Amanita muscaria-using shamanic traditions from Northern Europe.

  23. 23
    Alexandra (née Audley)

    As if Xmas wasn’t already shitty enough, you have to go and ruin it further by telling me that there is no Santa.

    Thanks a lot, PZ.

  24. 24

    But if there’s no Santa Claus, why should I bother being good all year?

  25. 25

    “…Why should I bother being good all year?”

    Hmmm…. the police, the courts and the prisons? That’s how civilized societies replaced religious doctrine – with a system of (fair and impartial?) laws that (supposedly) all citizens were subject to… though, to tell the truth, in this corrupt system you can buy your way out of just about anything, most of the time, as per O.J. Simpson.

  26. 26
    Julien Rousseau

    You can’t prove that there is no Santa Claus, and until you do I am justified in believing there is one.

    Beside my belief in Santa Claus is rational, I have the evidence of all the gifts appearing at the foot of the tree and the milk and cookies being eaten. If Santa didn’t do it, how did it happen? Do you really believe that it can be the result of random chance? Asantaists are so stoopid.

  27. 27

    My 4 year old daughter told me there was no Santa Claus. It’s been 30 years since that happened and I still haven’t recovered.

  28. 28

    Thanks PZ and to all the Pharyngula posters. This has been my first year here and I have enjoyed the conversation.

    Happy Holidays to all. As I am in Australia I am going to go and enjoy this christmas just like Tim Minchin.



  29. 29

    Don’t believe those ignorant disbelievers. Why can’t they confess their faith in the everlasting godness of Santa.

    Santa Apologists

    >>>>>Did you know — Hitler and Stalin did not believe in Santa.
    >>>>>Did you know — There are no Santa disbelieves in foxholes.
    >>>>>Did you know — Santa operates in mysterious ways.

  30. 30

    But you can always believe in Gamera, The Friend of All Children!


  31. 31

    reply to ‘Tis Himself, OM.:

    So well Said! We are talking Christas North Korea here.

    —————–prior message——————-
    >23 December 2011 at 2:19 pm
    >He’s makin’ a list, checkin’ it twice
    >Gonna find out who’s naughty or nice
    >Santa Claus is coming to town
    >He knows when you are sleepin’
    >He knows when you’re awake
    >He knows if you’ve been good or bad

    >Santa Claus, jolly old elf or stalker?

  32. 32
    tim rowledge, Ersatz Haderach

    “Renounce Santa!” screamed the dyslexic christain.

  33. 33
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Oh bullshit. I remember when Santa made a big deal out of Google Street View showing too much of his workshop.

  34. 34

    AussieMike #28 – Don’t you celebrate Christmas in June down there?

  35. 35

    Any parent who invites their children to look at the Sun to see anything is condemning the child to permanent blindness and should be prosecuted for child abuse.

  36. 36

    WHEW!!!!! I thought for a minute there that your wife was going to tell you that she was pregnant again…

  37. 37

    I was always frustrated that all the online versions of this left out the pictures and the long preamble about how Spy Magazine conducted a rigorous statistical investigation and all, but here’s the essence:


    If Santa ever did exist, he ceased to do so about 4.6 thousandths of a second.

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