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I get spam

I periodically look in on the spam folder for this site to see if any undeserving folk have been snared. It’s pointless, unfortunately: I purge it every week, but there are still over 9,000 messages in there right now. 463 pages. I’m sorry, but if the spam folder gets you, your comment is probably lost forever.

However, one funny and pathetic thing about it all is how desperate spammers are to flatter you. It really is nothing but page after page after page of crap like this:

you are actually a good webmaster. The site loading velocity is amazing. It kind of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve done a fantastic job in this matter!

It’s actually a great and useful piece of info. I’m satisfied that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

Wow, remarkable weblog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you make blogging appear effortless. The overall appear of your internet site is amazing, as effectively as the content material!

I’m really impressed along with your writing abilities as neatly as with the format for your blog. Is this a paid subject or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the excellent high quality writing, it is rare to peer a nice weblog like this one today..

I’ve been surfing online greater than three hours these days, but I by no means discovered any interesting write-up like yours. It¡¦s beautiful value sufficient for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers produced excellent content material as you probably did, the net will likely be a lot a lot more valuable than ever before.

I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

Im impressed, I need to say. Extremely rarely do I come across a blog thats both informative and entertaining, and let me tell you, youve hit the nail on the head. Your weblog is critical; the concern is one thing that not adequate people today are talking intelligently about. Im actually happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this issue.

It’s really distorted my perspective. Whenever I hear someone say something nice about me, it gets translated in my head into the most insincere, smarmy Engrish and discarded. This could end up warping my self-esteem.

Comments

  1. Father Ogvorbis, OM says

    My old blog (defunct but still extant) gets comments like these frequently. On the other hand, maybe they aren’t trying to get you to buy something and are really complementing you. And maybe giant winged porcupines are about to fly out of me arse. Backwards.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    My favorites try the opposite tactic: “Initially I admired your weblog, but on further reading it seems rather shallow and pointless.”

    Trying to get troll food?

  3. says

    I got one of those from Hulda Clark. It got past the blogger filter and actually appeared in my comments. As you can imagine, I was highly unflattered, particularly as I had to contemplate how long it had been up there before I caught it and terminated it. Fuckin’ outrageous.

  4. Peptron says

    Master Doctor Paul Zed Meiyeurz,

    I AM GREAT PRINCE OF NIGERIA. I am to offer replace for your stalk of happiness with the tantacle of a 10 meters giant skwid. Forever will you now be able from the there of the then for which is of the now of then there, KNEEL BEFORE ZED to them of the others!
    For such GREAT TANTACLE OF GREATNESS, all you have to do is to send us a pre-check of ONE MILLION DOLLARS. Following, Giant squid tantacle may or may not get lost in the mail.

  5. Naked Bunny with a Whip says

    You’re wearing delightful pants.

    Please be clicking my link to find great pants savings.

  6. Patrick Wm. Connally says

    I am writing in your name for President in the Democratic primary not because I like your philosophy, but because you deserve all the crap, feel better.

  7. says

    I get those too, and some I think are computer generated. They almost make sense, but after reading awhile they don’t.
    Why does someone take the time to enter the captcha, then leave huge lists of bullshit links for comments?

  8. persiflage says

    These are charming. Have you considered using some of the choicer compliments as cover quotes for the book? I would totally buy a book whose niceness I was assured it was rare to peer at today.

    I may go away and meditate on this one for a while: ‘the concern is one thing that not adequate people today are talking intelligently about’… I’ve a feeling I may be a not adequate person myself, but I think I’m letting down my peers on the talking-intelligently-about-the-concern front.

  9. Phil says

    I get comments like that on WordPress. Askimet does a pretty good job of spotting them, but I have been tempted to mangle the spam comments and then “approve” them.

  10. Brian V. says

    Your self-esteem has to do with the fact that your retractable spear is too small… many men have this challenge… join the Any Nose Blows groups online for emotional support…

  11. says

    Hahahahahaha I love the idea of using a string of them for book jacket blurbs. I think I’ll write a book just so that I can do that.

    It’s irritating that I too get too many to go through them, because that means I delete a few real ones. PZ’s kept going into spam early on, so they went.

  12. says

    Pliable and dissolvable tablets for serious guys!

    Our pills are just equal typical pills but they are specially developed to be supple and dissolvable under the lingua. The tablets is absorbed at the mouth and gets into the blood direct alternatively of arising through the tummytum. This results in a quicker more vigorous upshot which run up to 31 hours!

  13. J Bowen says

    PZ, you are very intelligent, funny, a great writer and a great speaker. I love Pharyngula and I look forward to your book.

    No really. I mean it.

    No, please, don’t ban me. No, no, not the dungeon. What did I do?!

  14. davem says

    Why does someone take the time to enter the captcha, then leave huge lists of bullshit links for comments?

    Presumably to get links to their own sites, and boost their Google ranking, which depends somewhat on how many sites link to it.

  15. says

    It’s actually a great and useful piece of info. I’m satisfied that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

    That … that was me.

  16. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    Could you please ignore the rest and read my email first?
    I’m number 8,362

    Why would PZ want to read anything from a lying and bullshitting godbot who can’t prove his imaginary deity exists, and his babble is inerrant? He wouldn’t. You can only make unevidenced claims Lyin’ Lion, making you an abject idjit loser. So you need to shut the fuck up, and delete us from your bookmarks, like a person of honesty and integrity would do.

  17. Jett Perrobone says

    I got an extremely flattering message on my YouTube channel maybe a month ago. The author claimed my videos were among “the best on YouTube”, and said that it made him “angry” that videos “this good” had barely any views. He then proceeded to suggest I buy a particular piece of software that would help me get views “just like it helped [him]“. I then decided to check out his channel and see how many views his videos accumulated. It was then I found out that his channel was created 1 week prior, and had a grand total of 0 videos uploaded.

    The cynic in me suspects that this person was paid by the creators of the software to send this generic message to YouTube subscribers in order to give the company more customers.

  18. Inane Janine, OM, Conflater Of Arguments says

    Lion. You are not funny, you smug and sanctimonious shitstain on the panties of life.

    But, please, I beg of you, keep commenting. This will be reason enough to PZ to bring the banhammer down upon your worthless hide.

  19. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    I am English solicitoer. Your uncle Alvert Zed die and leave you £1 and half million £. You not know uncle Alvert Zed he run away from home before you dad and mum married. And go to Nigeria for to hunt oil. He make fortune and decide to leave to you when he die. For you to get uncle Alvert Zed £1 and half million £ you need send me $500 $ to pay court. and bank. to release money.

    I remain
    Charles Obasi
    Englsih Solicitoer
    cobasi@etisalat.com.ng

  20. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    Lyin’ Irk has come out of the woodwork. He thinks PZ will pay attention to him. Here’s PZ’s description of Lyin’ Irk from the SB Dungeon:

    The stupid comments would have been tolerable (at least, ignorable) if they hadn’t been accompanied by such undeserved self-pride in his attempts at wit, and such unwarranted and affected pretension. In other words, dumb as a turd and completely oblivious to it.

  21. says

    Lion IRC, you’re such an asshole. Yes, I’m the same Species8472 that sometimes discussed your bullshit with you on talkrational.org.

    You’ve never written anything worth reading, and PZ can safely leave your spam in the junk folder.

  22. Inane Janine, OM, Conflater Of Arguments says

    Species8472, you might “like” this about Lion though it probably will not surprise you. A couple of years ago, one of the long time regulars had her husband die after a sudden illness. She did not comment here for a long time, she was so devastated. When she finally started commenting again, many of us gave her words of condolences. Lion, in his own special way, also chimed in.

    This person was a former snake kissing christian (her words) and expressed her opinion that she did not need his gos bothering words. Lion replied, “Unlike you, I do not want to hurt anybody…”

    Just for that, I hate that mucus slime trail.

  23. mythusmage says

    PZ, you are very intelligent, funny, a great writer and a great speaker. I love Pharyngula and I look forward to your book.

    The snark is strong in this one. :)

  24. Phil Hoenig says

    I did a quick google for lorem ipsum a couple of days ago and found that,
    like everything else, there’s a website for it. It too had spam telling
    it that their one page of latin text had a lot of helpful information.

  25. ambulocetacean says

    Thank you to be writing this Most Excellent Web Site. It has many good informations about the Christian God subject!

  26. says

    What? These people are writing to you, too? And here I thought I was so special!

    Of course, none of this will matter after I get those Nigerian millions. And all it took was a small processing fee of $5,000. What a bargain!

  27. scifi says

    I like spam

    It’s easy to cut and sits nicely on your bread.

    You can also stick it in a frying pan and pretend it’s a lovely New York cut.

    I also enjoy the happy sound of my arteries smacking together each time I contemplate
    a mouthful!

    It’s so good, Monty Python even wrote a…

    …Oh….!

    Sorry.

  28. =8)-DX says

    I have notice your blog it fulfills me wonderful! On this issue you are the real pro your writing is best author around. Hope you get much more people reading this is great thing for me ever!

  29. Crys says

    LOL I get PMs like that all the time on my youtube channel, followed by a way to buy fake subscribers for it. Not quite sure what the point of that would be…

  30. Lion IRC says

    Species8472 says:

    “You’ve never written anything worth reading, and PZ can safely leave your spam in the junk folder.”

    .

    “…Yes, I’m the same Species8472 that sometimes discussed your bullshit with you (IOW I did read your posts) on talkrational.org”

    .

    talkrational.org ???

    .

    Oh yeah I remember you now. All those long hours you spent NOT reading any of my posts.

  31. says

    I used to get a fair bit of comment spam, but I have since started using CloudFlare on my site, which helps to speed up my site AND has a network that helps to block spammers/bots. It’s drastically reduced my comment spam since implementing it on my site. It’s now down to a trickle, which is great.

    Best of all, it’s free to use. I’d recommend it for…virtually anyone. The more sites that use it, the better the threat protection becomes.

  32. Nogbert says

    Long ago, in another millennium I had some Spam for lunch. Later that afternoon, in preparation for an evening of jollity I necked some raw ground Moroccan Cannabis resin.
    The ensuing jollity was spent dry heaving every few minutes for hours and feeling very sorry for myself. Put me off dope for life. Haven’t eaten Spam since either. Disgusting stuff.

    On topic, I wonder if there are careers to be made as a spam composer. I imagine a sort of evolutionary arms race between ever smarter filters and producers perhaps to the point where the spam becomes intelligent and on point.

    Who knows, maybe this is spam.