Category Archive: news

Jan 08 2014

Satanist, Atheist; Tomayto, Tomahto

The folks at Fox News have been hatin’ on Satan; The thought of him sickens their good Christian hearts A statue? in public? And Gretchen was retchin’, While all of her guests played their usual parts: “That statue’s offensive! It’s hateful! A state full Of Christians would never have voted it in! Majority rules—you don’t …

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Dec 26 2013

Narrow Ohio Ruling With Broad Implications For Same-Sex Marriage

If you’re living in Ohio And you want to wed your mate There are certain situations Where they’ll send you out of state: See, Ohio has its standards; Still, the balance of your life They will recognize your union— He’s the husband; she’s the wife. If you’re more-than-kissing cousins And you want to tie the …

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Oct 14 2013

Live Free Or Dye? Killing Baby Animals For Freedom!

I’ve never seen a purple duck I never hope to spy one But now New Hampshire (what the fuck?) Would like to let you dye one! Perhaps you’d like an orange chick Perhaps a turquoise rabbit For boosting sales, this does the trick: “A bright pink gosling—grab it!” It’s said they make great presents But …

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Oct 09 2013

Hey, Let’s Decide Your Rights With A Poll!

The cross is there, on public land; It’s been there fifty years. The courts will say it cannot stand; So, surely, it appears. The local Christians see the case A battle for our soul Instead of legal argument… It’s time to run a poll. In Middleboro, MA, there is a cross on the median strip …

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Oct 08 2013

Christian Plaintiff Wins Jesus Portrait Case In Jackson, OH

The Jesus portrait has to go, We finally agree It’s like you told us long ago Before we paid your fee If we had only listened then We might have known you’re right… But someone hollered “atheist!” And so we had to fight. We didn’t think the painting Would offend a Christian soul— We thought …

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Oct 04 2013

1957 (Beep! Beep!)

On this date, little Sputnik was shot into space Just one shot, of many, in a war-proxy race There were thousands, or millions, who were all losing sleep Cos an object above them was going “beep…beep…” There were others, of course, who were not so entranced– When they heard the “beep…beep…” they just got up …

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Sep 24 2013

The Muppets Take The Mall!

The National Mall, that is–the Muppets are moving to the Smithsonian! (Great pics and story at link) ******* Scooter: Places, everyone! Five minutes till curtain! Fozzie Bear: Has anyone seen my hat? Miss Piggie: Now, where did that Hope Diamond go? I was wearing it just a minute ago… Gathering throng outside: It’s time to …

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Sep 23 2013

Cranston’s New Banner

The sign on the wall reads “No Christians Allowed”— … Except for the fact that it doesn’t. There’s a banner in Cranston, replacing the prayer— The prayer that the Christians said wasn’t. No “Heavenly Father”, no “Prayer”, no “Amen” Just a pledge of good will and respect. So it’s either much better the way that …

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Sep 04 2013

Time To Bring Back Public Whippings! (Or, Maybe, Not)

We’re pampering our prisoners We’re treating them like guests Instead of just ignoring them We honor their requests Free food, a bed, and exercise, We cater to their needs When what they’ve earned is punishment It’s harshness that succeeds No coddling them with training, Cos they’ll never get a job No need for education, Cos …

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Sep 02 2013

“Maybe Now She Can Do Something *Useful*…”

There’s sharks, and cramps, and jellyfish, And always, unknown factors Diana beat them all this time But still has her detractors They comment on the internet Belittling her feat The brightest, smoothest commenters You’d ever care to meet. It’s not that they’re the jealous sorts You notice now and then It’s just that—she’s a woman, …

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