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Dec 03 2011

Marriage, Doggy Style

Jason, over at Lousy Canuck, reports that the American Family Association has sounded the alarm. Gay marriage, they tell us, leads to polygamy, to men wanting to marry their car, their building, their dog. Once you’ve opened the door an inch, it’s anything goes!

And I was reminded of something I wrote a while ago, about an actual (not hypothetical) wedding between a man and a dog. Of course, in real life (as opposed to the AFA), the slippery slope does not begin with Gay Marriage–rather, the slippery slope begins with superstition and religion. If you want to find bizarre, there is no more target-rich environment than religion (with the possible exception of performance art). The story, after the jump:


From the BBC, a story about a man’s marriage to a female dog. (There is a brief video of the ceremony, too.)

An Indian man has “married” a female dog, hoping the move will help atone for stoning two other dogs to death.
P Selvakumar, 33, said he had been cursed since the killings, suffering paralysis and a loss of hearing.

The wedding took place at a Hindu temple in Tamil Nadu state. The “bride” wore an orange sari with a flower garland and was fed a bun to celebrate.

Superstitious people in rural India sometimes organise weddings to animals in the hope of warding off curses.

I offer the happy couple a toast:

Though it’s baseless superstition that has led to your position,
I sincerely hope the two of you are happy as can be.
Yes, the way is sometimes stony on the path of matrimony
You consulted an astrologer–how dare I disagree?

No I will not choose to quibble–let your bride wolf down her kibble
With the absolute support of all your family and friends.
And I hope you’re feeling better, and that every time you pet her
You’ll remember why you did this–you are making your amends.

I wish multitudes of smiles, in both Man and Doggy styles
Let the others wag their tongues–the two of you can wag your tails.
It was beautiful, not kitschy, though the bride was rather bitchy
In a world of mass conformity, it’s nice when love prevails.

5 comments

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  1. 1
    Dorothy

    Read it out loud.

  2. 2
    Cuttlefish

    :-p

  3. 3
    Crudely Wrott

    As a lifelong woodworker I find that I often develop a great deal of affection for a tool that works well and requires little more than a bit of electricity and a sharp blade. Now that gay marriage is gaining approval I have an irresistible urge to marry my table saw.

    Such a union would serve to cement through ritual what exists in actual fact and practice. It would stand as a public testament to a long and mutually satisfying relationship based on care, respect and a huge pile of sawdust.

    The only thing is I’m a bit concerned about the wedding night. Should I install a cross cut or a rip blade?

  4. 4
    julian

    So few words and yet so, so much win.

  5. 5
    Lauren Ipsum

    …wait, does mean mean Rick Santorum has a real target at last? (although at least the man is marrying a female dog, not a male dog. Heaven forfend.)

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