Oct 12 2011

It’s JesusWeen, Charlie Brown!

Good Grief!

The dumbest thing I’ve ever seen
Is Jesus-Ween.

At Jesus-Ween,
the zombies walk the earth—well, one, at least.
At Jesus-Ween,
there’s blood and body, ready for the feast
At Jesus-Ween,
the demons are afraid to show their heads
At Jesus-Ween,
good boys and girls are safely tucked in beds
At Jesus-Ween,
good Christian children keep their bibles handy
At Jesus-Ween,
we all refuse to eat satanic candy
At Jesus-Ween,
we steal another holiday for Jesus
At Jesus-Ween,
we wonder why the other people tease us.

I suspect that if, after Charlie Brown had gotten a rock in his trick-or-treat bag, some other kid had gotten the little green Gideon bible, even Charlie Brown would have pointed and laughed.


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  1. 1
    The Lorax

    Jesusween? That’s fine and dandy…
    But listen, guys, you’re fighting candy.

  2. 2
    Jason Thibeault

    Okay, this might be the only thing that could ever beat what I thought was the nadir of Christifying stuff: Christoga. That’s Christ… Yoga.

    Also, sorry for the shameless self promotion. :)

  3. 3

    I see your Christoga, and raise you the worst ever Christian t-shirt, a mockup of the Mountain Dew logo: “Do The Jew”

    Okay, the Christian rebranding of various company logos isn’t nearly as bad as stealing pop culture fads and slapping the word “Jesus” on them like they were Roman festivals, but you gotta admit that t-shirt horrible.

  4. 4
    Jason Thibeault

    That almost kinda sorta wraps around to awesome. I think it’s the fact that you’re being exhorted to “do” the t-shirt-wearer, assuming they’re Jewish. Like “kiss the chef”.

  5. 5

    Or “Fuck me, I’m Irish”. (My grandfather’s favorite barbeque apron had that on it).

    However, there’s so much unintentional sexuality in a number of Christian media, especially in some worship songs, that you almost have to wonder if at least a bit of it was intentional, in the “I wonder if anyone will notice this” manner. Similar to some of the inappropriate background images and frames in some Disney films.

  6. 6

    If I remember correctly, Charles Shultz was atheist, or at least agnostic.

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