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Aug 18 2011

Welcome To New Hampshire. Now Go Home.

Headline: Perry to child on creationism vs. evolution: “You’re smart enough to figure out which is right.”

This dodge, as delivered by Perry, was very
Politically minded; I’m sure he was proud.
“Teach both” the man weaseled, “with pride—you decide”
The remarkable thing is, he said it out loud.
He probably thinks he beguiled a child;
The truth is, he made himself look like an ass;
The GOP base’s defiance of science
Makes heroes of morons who can’t pass a class.

The Granite State voters allow you to value
Your personal faith, if it’s kept to yourself
But if a biology textbook’s the next book
Your faith says the nation must ban from the shelf,
New Hampshire will send your ass packing, for lacking
The qualifications required to lead;
So drive yourself back, in your Lexus, to Texas
To people who might want to help you secede.

(The title of this post is stolen from my favorite bumper sticker; if you like it, they are available.)

8 comments

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  1. 1
    Mark Erickson

    Nice! Is there a name for rhymes within the same line? I think so, but I’m a bozo.

  2. 2
    Cuttlefish

    I suppose the term is “internal rhyme”; I don’t think there is a name yet for this particular verse form, though, with the alternating internal rhyme lines. Near as I can tell, I’ve done around ten of these, and my readers have done another couple, but I have never seen it anywhere else. So I claim it as our very own!

  3. 3
    jeremy

    Is anyone performing your stuff as rap yet? This one is a no-brainer. Awesome!

  4. 4
    MizM

    I’m a Texan and can assure you that Perry most definitely does not represent all Texans. He is completely wrong that “in Texas we teach both.” Many of us here have fought, and won, the victory for science education in the classroom. Recent ID texts proposed by fundamentalist members of the State Board of Education were overwhelmingly rejected and texts based on sound science that teach evolution were approved. Just so you know there are some relatively sane people here, doing what we can to move things forward. Admittedly, it’s an uphill battle.

  5. 5
    Cuttlefish

    Oh, I am certain Perry is well aware that they don’t “teach both” in Texas. His remark would have been a dog-whistle for his base; he’s quick enough to recognize that there was no way he could win the vote of this kid’s mom. Life gave him lemons, and he made Sunday after-church bring-a-covered-dish lemonade, and showed his base that he is a man of principle. His principle is “cling to deliberate ignorance in order to grub a winning electoral percentage”, but hey, it’s a principle.

  6. 6
    onefuriousllama

    I’d like to go to Texas one day; I need to see what it is there that breed so much of Teh Stupid.

    I guess I should make a plan before America is completely bankrupt…

    But seriously, are the democrats going to field somebody who isn’t useless?

  7. 7
    nedlum

    Heh, excellent. Watch your back, Calvin Trillin!

  8. 8
    JK Finn

    Heh.

    Well, it is refreshingly honest of Perry to admit that the boy is more likely to recognize truth than he himself could ever be…

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