T. M. I. (too much information)


…No, not the wonderful song by Roy Zimmerman, just letting you know that you might want to stop now, if you don’t like hearing about… well…

Oh, by the way, (Yes, this is by way of giving you enough time to change your mind–just don’t blame me, ok?) Roy Zimmerman’s new newsletter just came out; I’d copy it all here, but why don’t you just go to royzimmerman.com and look around for a bit? You won’t regret it. I have autographed copies of just about everything. Except the latest, I think. Roy is one of my idols (yes, I have a list–don’t you?).

Anyway, you now have officially had enough time to think “hmm, maybe he is serious about this too much information stuff…”, so at this point I am no longer responsible.

I had surgery last week. Yup. Wednesday. Been on painkillers since then, and what with the Myers vs Expelled stuff, I had my biggest hit day on this blog, for something written pretty much with just the reptilian part of my brain, because the rest was being used either feeling pain or watching the room decide which way to spin. And what does a cuttlefish do when bleeding, in pain and on oxycodone? Verse, of course.

Painfully, strainfully,
Digital Cuttlefish
Wishes his poetry
Showed some more class;

Sadly, effects of a
Hemorrhoidectomy
Limit his thoughts to his
Pain in the ass.

Yup, that’s a double-dactyl. They are fun. What is not fun, though, is the first bowel movement after a hemorh.. haeme.. after they cut part of your ass off. I thought I was fine–and I was, for the first couple of days. Took until Saturday for me to finally need to go… Now I know why they give opium derivatives. Ouch. ow ow ow ow ow ow owwwww….

Woozily, bruisily,
Suffering Sepia
Forces down fluids and
Tries not to strain;

Mutters his thanks to the
Pharmacological
Chemist-magicians who
Manage his pain.

I actually did thank the pharmacological industry. I mean, I know there are people in my position (prone, currently) who thank god for their drugs; I figure if you are gonna give credit for the drugs, ya gotta give blame for the piles in the first place, and then it just gets silly. So, no.

But I did have a great experience with the hospital people. My surgeon rocks–I’d say she kicks ass, but that metaphor is a bit lost on me at present. My nurses were great. I think, having read The Head Nurse’s blog, that they were in fact the A team; lots of confidence, good humor, helping one another. The nurse who put in my IV was hilarious. Watching her, I said “looks like you’ve done this before”; without missing a beat, she replied “no, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.”

Anyway, time for bed. Whether I want to or not–oxycodone has that effect this late at night.

Sleepily, weepily,
Slumber is beckoning
Time to give thanks, cos it
Could have been worse—

Not to some deity,
Omnibenevolent;
I’ll give my thanks to each
Doctor and Nurse!

Good night, all.

Comments

  1. says

    Oh, DC, you poor thing! Best wishes.I hope they give you one of those inflatable rings. To sit on, that is. (Hmmm. It’s not getting any better.)

  2. says

    I knew you’d get people sympathetic! :pHuggily WuggilyDigital CuddlySays muse is drug-addlyBut he is wrong:T.M.I it may be(Logomaniacally)Practically-CephallyBreaks into song!

  3. says

    If you can write poetry like this with only the reptilian part of your brain… well, I am dumbstruck. I don’t think this kind of genius can be learned. It is a gift.I am very sympathetic to your pain, and if it’s not TMI, I’ve kinda been there myself. *ouch*May I suggest Kellogg’s Cracklin Oat Bran cereal as a fiber source which is immeasurably beneficial? Don’t even bother with the milk. That should help offset some of the effects of the narcotics (which slow things down, doncha know.)Making this cereal a regular part of my diet helped me avoid surgery. Best wishes for a speedy recovery from a new fan.

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