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New condom released by Trojan

This is sure to be the start of a new sexual revolution:

PRINCETON, NJ—Contraceptive manufacturer Trojan unveiled its new line of “No One’s Pleasure” condoms Wednesday, the first prophylactic specifically designed to intensify sexual dissatisfaction among bitter and resentful couples.

“We’ve always offered consumers a choice when it comes to protection, and we wanted to give emotionally distant partners an option that suits their lack of intimacy,” said Jim Daniels, vice president of marketing at Trojan. “That’s why we’ve developed the only condoms clinically proven to exploit performance anxiety, heighten discomfort levels, and prolong the petty arguments that allow couples to bicker needlessly all night long.”

There’s a lot of science behind it too!While it’s a great advance it sexual technology, hopefully I’ll never have to use them.

This is post 37 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.

Comments

  1. Timothy O. says

    the link to the full article clearly sends it to the onion…one hopes most readers of this blog are intelligent enough to not take this too seriously

  2. says

    It feels weird that you’ve written half a zillion posts in the time that I’ve been working on just one. But on the other hand, I’ve linked to two of yours in my draft so far.

  3. LS says

    I thought this was completely overshadowed by “Lady Gaga Kidnaps Commissioner Gordon!”That one had me rolling for 20 minutes straight.

  4. says

    Phew. Okay, done and scheduled for tomorrow morning. Now off to bed. Some of us old farts can’t stay up all night like you young’uns.

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